The symmetrical trap

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One of the reasons that make relationship very difficult for me and I presume for many others here is what I call the symmetrical trap. I approach the other with great effort. This effort is not known or understood by the other, so he/she responds in what I interpret as a lukewarm way; as a consequence I have even more problems in going on in the approach, I react in a stiff way, further paralysing the communication. I think this is a problem of all shy and unsecure people needy of warmth and affection. But isn’t this at the origin of the loneliness of the Aspie? Isn’t this symmetrical process the real problem? I am also very touchy, and inclined to ask myself: “What did he/she mean? Was it a slight?” I used to resume the situation this way: indifference equals hostility, and hostility equals annihilation. To be met coldly is for me a cosmic disaster. My protective bubble disintegrates and it takes a long labour (and brooding) to recover.