Sound Overload and Young Kids

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Hey all, I could use some advice if anyone has it. I'm 20 years old and I have HFA - obviously had it my whole life, but I was only recently diagnosed. My younger brother and sister are visiting me for a few days. I was excited to see them, because they live several states away and I only get to see them at holidays anymore. But they haven't even been here for 48 hours and the noise levels coming from them have already caused a serious sensory overload. They are eight and nine years old, and I really do love them with all my heart. But they're loud - like most normal eight and nine year-olds are!

It became an issue today when there was just a lot going on - music was playing in the living room very loudly, they were talking in loud voices, they both had Nintendo DS systems going with the volume on, and the kicker was that someone started a blender without me knowing it was coming. I just about doubled over and ran upstairs to go press my head under my pillow to calm down. I thought I was okay, and I was called down for dinner an hour later. I went down to eat, and the two of them were, as usual, speaking loudly and playing games together. But not five minutes after I sat down, they unexpectedly ran over to me and got right in my face, practically yelling at the top of their lungs because they were excited about something and wanted to tell me. I managed to avoid a full-scale meltdown but I ended up snapping at them, getting up and practically bolting away from the table and embarrassing myself. That was hours ago - I still haven't worked up the nerve to go back downstairs. I could tell them to please talk quietly or make less noise, but they'd try for five minutes and then forget and start again. I love them, I really do, but they're going to be here for a long time visiting and I need to figure out how to deal with this so I don't snap at them again. My grandparents (the people I live with/who my siblings are staying with) know that I have HFA, but my younger siblings do not. I don't want to tell them unless it becomes necessary.

Does anyone with younger children or siblings have any advice? What can I do to cope with how noisy they are? Hiding up in my bedroom can't be an option, because like I mentioned I barely get to see them and I would like to spend as much time as I can together.

This can be a general advice thread for stuff relating to dealing with noise levels from small kids, also!

I've got a brother of five and a sister of two. The only way I can cope with it is by listening to music and hiding in my room all day long.
If you really do want to spend time with them, the only thing you can do is explain to them that you really can't handle it if they make too much noise and hope that they'll understand and change.
If this doesn't help at all, your ownly option will be just hiding in your room, or trying to suffer through it for the sake of your siblings.

Regards,

Amon.

I think explaining why you want them to be quiet would be helpful. I have a lot of difficulty controlling kids, and explaining to them at least that your hearing is very sensitive and that their loudness causes you pain is the best way to get them to be quiet. Beyond that, all I can suggest is earplugs or covering your ears - which I used most of the time when dealing with kids.

I have the same problem with my nephew and neice, who are 7 and 5, respectively. They are loud in general and argue constantly. I find myself barking and snapping at them all the time and I feel bad, but I can't seem to make them understand that they're very nearly driving me to a meltdown. I can't very well explain to them that "Auntie has Asperger's," because at best they'll think the name is the most hilarious thing they've ever heard and go around repeating it all day. The only thing I can suggest is, if possible, send them out to play or swim or something for most of the day (you can join in if it's not too hard on you), so that hopefully they'll be tired and quiet down during the times that you really interact with them, such as meal times. It would probably be rude to wear earplugs for the whole visit but it might muffle some of the sound, lol. Hopefully at their age though it might be a little easier to make them understand just how much it bothers you, if you talk to them seriously and politely and really drive home the idea that you need them to quiet down. If that doesn't work, I would walk away and tell them you can all hang out again when they can settle down. Sorry if this wasn't particularly helpful. :/

I think you could still hear them if you wore earplugs, and explained to them that you have special hearing so you need to wear the earplugs, and you need them to take turns when they want to tell you something because you can't listen to them both talk at once.

Also explain to them the idea of "face space", that every person has the right to have a safe amount of space in front of their face without others sticking toys/arms/food etc into your face. Respect the face space With little kids who are too strong and too wild, I tell them that they can't grab onto me or pull on my hands or arms because my hands hurt and they cant pull on me or swing on me like they can on mom or dad or whoever.

I think it is still okay to teach children the concept of "indoor voices" being quieter and more civil than the sounds that are allowed out of doors. Maybe they could also be given headphones to wear on their game systems during parts of the day when you are around.

Also- blenders are nuts! Luckily my parents are both very nice about warning me when theyre going to use one, and I actually use a pair of like, lawn mowing ear covering headphones when I make a smoothie each day. Maybe you could get your family to also give fair warning so you could brace yourself before they use it.

I agree with the other posters.

1. Get some noise cancelling head phones and/or ear plugs.
2. Make sure they spend a lot of time playing outside during the day, so that they wear themselves out by dinner time. That should make the evenings quieter. (Also, they shouldn't be spending all day playing computer games.)
3. If they have the music playing too loud, lower once, and if they raise it again, turn it off, telling them it is hurting your ears.
4. You may need to spend a lot of time in your room, going for long walks, at the local library, or going somewhere else that is quiet during the days of their visit.

I am in my 50s now, but well remember growing up with a very active brother who was 7 & a half years younger than me. I also have an older brother and sister, but they were never as noisy as my younger sib.

Hope things work out.

Thank you all so much for the replies, they're very helpful. The kids went to bed and I talked to my grandmother about it, and she understands what happened and why it's especially important for them to be quieter around me (even though I'm sure nobody, neurotypical or otherwise, enjoys the sound of loud children). While they spent a bit of time outside today (and we make absolutely sure they don't play video games all day), tomorrow my grandmother is going to take them to the neighborhood pool for a few hours at least so they can get their energy out, and when they get home later hopefully we can spend time together after they're good and exhausted! I'll be at therapy tomorrow during the day, as well as seeing some other family, so I'll get some 'me' time before I see them which will help a good deal. If the sound levels become an issue, I'll tell them calmly that I have very sensitive hearing and I need them to be quieter, and if they don't listen I'll excuse myself and say that once they're less loud, we can play together again.

Again, thank you for the advice. I practically raised these wonderful gremlins from birth, but haven't been able to see them regularly for about three years now and I honestly don't think I'm that good with kids, so stuff that should probably be common sense in dealing with children is sometimes lost on me! I'll definitely be investing in some noise cancelling headphones - my sister is enthralled by the idea of making her own fruit smoothies for the family, so I have a feeling I'll be dealing with that blender a lot

I've found that explaining to kids in advance why you'd like them to be quiet, how they can best help you and what your particular needs are is useless.

I've done a lot of nannying and have worked as a birthday party host for kids (go figure), and the best way I've found is constant feedback. Nipping it in the bud when you feel like you're still in control is the best way to avert a melt-down or over the top reactions. Constant, firm, yet completely calm reminders of "Inside voices", or "One at a time," and positive reactions and feedback (such as listening intently, nodding and smiling when they've managed to reign themselves in and speak in decibels not likely to blow your eardrums) has worked wonders for me. Making out like they need to do this for you specifically will only draw attention - it's important for all kids to learn appropriate calm behaviour and once they realise that's the level of behaviour you expect, they'll do it without thinking.

Anyway, good luck with it all!