Aspies and independance?

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How come a lot of aspies find it harder too be independant than neurotypicals? Aspies can go too normal colleges and mainstream schools so i don't see why they could not be independant?

Could it be becuuase of?
Sensory problems
poor communicaiton skills that are vital for holding down a job???????
poor emotional control


Call me stupid but i don't really see why many people with aspergers would not find it difficult for independant living? Or is there something that i am missing here?

My guess would be Executive Function issues. Before I met my wife my apartment was always a total mess because I never prioritized doing chores. I was often late for work, partially because of my sleep apnea but also because I stayed up too late researching special interest or playing video games... Prior to age 30 I used to fall behind on my bills. Not because I didn't have the money but because I'd forget to pay them...

All of this gets better with practice but even today I often forget to clean until my wife complains enough...

Part of it is the things you said. Part of it is how damn tiring it can be to come off normal and socially acceptable for an aspie. Yes, an aspie could be on some level fully capable of working and college at the same time, but dealing with 2-4 different social groups (depending on workplace and class load) on a regular basis is exhausting.

Part of it is also the executive function issues present in the majority of those with AS. It can be very difficult for an aspie to discern what they need to do for work or school and then again to motivate themselves to force their way out of their own little world to go get things done.

Like everyone else is saying, executive function issues. Individuals with Aspergers might be able to handle adult life on an intellectual level, but when you forget to pay bills or struggle to stay motivated, then that's a little bit of a problem. Those of us who do live independently (whether truly independently in an apartment or house, or semi-independently while in college) usually have to learn to force ourselves to do things when they have to be done. It requires a lot more self-discipline than it does for the average person.

Getting and keeping a job has been really difficult for me.

For me it's because I find it stressful. I suspect it's my anxiety that is doing it than the AS. Plus it may be executive functioning issues too I am dealing with and it gives me anxiety because of all this makes me so overwhelmed.

But I am now independent because I live on my own, I love to clean, I can't stand living in a mess so I clean it up when I see it needs to be done, my husband supports me and takes stress off me by taking care of the finances and other stuff. I also have a job.

But yeah everything you said in your OP for what could be the reason for us not being able to be independent are true.

Wow, this sounds like it could be me. What are some suggestions, based on your own experience, to improve these problems?

Well I had so much cleaning to do today that I canceled a social outing to have enough energy to finish. I knew after spending the day cleaning I wouldn't have the energy left to be good company for my parents and my husband had to work so I couldn't lean on him for the outing.

So I hate to present it like "limited energy" because that sounds like a deficit; in fact it's just that for us, we spend energy doing things like socializing and chores because those tax executive function.

Leads me to believe I would just rather exist in an executive-function-free mode... seems more comfortable but sure it doesn't get the chores done lol

I need to think this through to produce an answer. I've been trying to work out the boundaries and parameters of this problem in relation to myself for my entire adult life.

Schedule everything. As lame as it may sound to someone without troubles in this regard, I always clip my nails on Tuesdays, wash dishes and do laundry on Thursday, sometimes again on Monday depending on how much I've cooked (which isn't much in the summer).

It's just not on my mind to do anything unless it visibly needs to be done or disrupts my sense of order. It's anxiety provoking to have clutter in my home, but other Aspies live in clutter very happily and know where everything is and when it has been moved.

Can someone explain executive function and why it's deficient in ASDs? I'm going off to research this more but often I find information only for children and their parents.

Also I have a system for everything and as long as it gets followed executive function issues rarely arise. Anyone else rely heavily on their systems to get hygiene, chores, bills paid, etc. done?

It depends on the person in particular however:

-Sensory issues: in those with severe ones are huge. In my case if you take everything else out, I'm still disabled by just my sensory issues. If you take all but my hypersensitivity in smell away, I'm still disabled. My sensory issues are enough that they are keeping me from taking care of myself completely or getting a job.

-Executive Functioning Issues: Decision making, planning, remembering what you're going to do, they all fall in here, and we have varying difficulty with varying parts of it. I personally have an overly good memory, but am very bad at decision making. If I look at a room that needs to be cleaned I cannot figure out where I need to start, even if it doesn't matter where I start. I don't have ADHD, about 65-75% of people on the spectrum also meet the criteria for ADHD though.

-Simple Time Pressure: Because of all of my issues with everything, no one part of it, it takes me far more time to do things others thing of as just trivial things to do. This means I have less time to do things others think of as the things that matter.

-Social Issues: Even "Independent" people get help sometimes. When you don't know how to get help, how to ask for help, the appropriate method of doing all of that, and so on, its problematic.

-Jobs: 80-90% unemployment rate. Enough said,

Thanks for the advice kirayng. By the way, how did you start the daily routine and "get into" the rhythm of always doing X on Monday, always doing Y on Tuesday, etc.? It sounds good in practice, but I can see myself forgetting which day to do what.

Also, you asked my next question: While this may be common in those with AS, what exactly causes it? Is it caused by the AS itself, or is it in response to having AS?

Oddly enough it's not a conscious thing. It just happens that way because of my job and circumstances. If those change, so does the routine. I misspoke earlier using the word schedule instead of routine. I meant routine because here is the difference: if you schedule a chore, say dishes at 6:30 after dinner, that is different than always doing the dishes after dinner which is a routine. See what I mean?

To explain mine, not sure how else to do it, to clarify: Thursday is one of my days off from work so naturally after a period of 2-3 weeks after starting the job I fell into a routine of washing dishes and doing laundry on my day off. I'm a 'let-it-pile-up' person, I like the sense of really doing a lot of chores but also with executive functioning problems if I miss that routine for some reason (I'm sick or worked that day instead of having it off) I'll be faced with two weeks' worth of laundry and dishes. That can totally undo my routine and has just recently so today I washed nearly every dish I own and finished laundry that was too much to finish on my previous day off.

Ugh if you stayed with me for that whole thing, perhaps that can show how much of an issue this becomes once thinking is involved lol

Can I stress it enough that hygiene, chores and paying bills are things that I just don't think about or prioritize but due to routine and doing the same things all the time, that weakness is accommodated.

The tough part is getting into a routine of doing things, some people start small, here are two things that I do every day that really help: bring all dishes in to the kitchen and rinse them off, wash out the bathroom sink every time you use it. It's this "chaining" effect that sort of strings this stuff together so it has some meaning to me. Does that make sense?

Okay I'll give it a rest now lol

I have managed to live independantly several times but I cannot seem to be consistent like everyone else. I make some very poor decisions in my life and before I know it I have lost my job and my home, then it takes me a few months to figure out what went wrong. But when I do I cannot seem to learn from my mistakes and usually make the same ones again.

So I would say what most people have said, it is down to poor executive function. The inability to hold down a job for more than a couple of years, and the tendency to become consumed with special interests makes it difficult to live independantly for significant lengths of time.

That's exactly the situation I got into living independently. My now wife was horrified when I eventually showed her my cottage. I had a pile of unopened bills one foot high and the refrigerator had a nest of black maggoty things.

If it hadn't been for the housing market, I'd have been £25K in debt due to my appaling financial control.

Jason.

It depends on the individual. I have to keep everything where I can see it or else I forget to do it, like paying bills. I keep the bills on a shelf next to the front door so that I am forced to see them every day when I enter and exit the house. This way they get paid on time and I avoid having a lot of late fees. My systems have actually allowed me to go from bottom tier credit to top tier in a matter of about 5 years (it takes a LONG time to minimize the effects of negative things from the past). As for other things, if I can put them down to a routine, they get done. However, if my routine is disrupted by someone needing my help or having to do anything else on that appointed day, my life turns into chaos and it takes me a while to get it back on track.

I also try to limit the number of bills I have to pay. This means learning to live a mostly cash existence and divorcing the money I have into separate "accounts" so that I automatically save money for the bills and know they will be paid before making any purchases. I also try to put extra money away and keep it segregated so that I do not bounce checks like I used to and that if something bad happens I can handle it.

Now all of these things are great for coping with the things that can be put down to a system and routine. The real problem comes when something needs fixing in an area where I need outside help. I am more handy than most people, and I trade favors with neighbors who know things like A/C repair and carpentry, but I don't have a support system for everything. Say I need roofing work done. I don't know how to do it myself and know no one who does. So, I have to deal with an outside contractor. The problem is that I don't like dealing with new people and situations so I will procrastinate and let things get worse. Usually, my family will step in then and help me find someone to take care of it.

Right now I am trying to simplify my life as I have way too many unfinished projects and it is causing me a lot of stress. I have a bunch of old cars sitting around and waiting for my attention so that I can sell them as well as some home improvement projects that need doing. I am hoping to get most of this done by the fall so I can raise enough money to finish college. We'll see though as I have been trying to do this for a few years now and life and finances always seem to get in the way.