Shutting up

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I know, quite intimately, that nothing I have to say - to anyone - is worth saying.

shut up.

So, I typically spend most of my time either biting a hole through my tongue, digging trenches into my palms with my nails, clenching my teeth until I hear them crack, or otherwise getting myself to shut the hell up.

shut up, no one cares.

Because no one wants to hear this s**t. (That includes this very post.)

shut the f**k up, dude.

Nothing is worth saying or doing, and yet I have this sick compulsion to try to communicate or accomplish it anyways.

f*****g loser.

How do you get yourself to stop trying? It's not like I think it matters, but I'm still trying anyway.

try killing yourself again, that always works.

How do I convince myself to just... stop?

I tend to blather on and on about EVERYTHING and anything inside my head which usually pertains to my special interest of the moment. I allow myself to blather a certain amount otherwise I go nuts. But I limit myself to only 5-10 minutes per victim. When I reach my time limit I go "wow, so sorry for chewing your ear off about all that, I gotta go, bye" If I think they are getting antsy before then I say, "Ugh, I'm just blathering aren't I? So sorry."

I'm aware of it, but I can't stop. So I really do just let myself go...

I don't. Letting myself go was a good way to get cigarette butts put out on me when I was younger; now it's a good way to get arrested.

where are you from? You need to talk to somebody about this...I read your tiny script in between your posts. Call a suicide hotline, or keep talking to us here on WP.
Who is telling you to shut up?

No, I really don't. I've tried to talk to people about this, which is why I run out of people to talk about this.

If I had anything worth saying, people would be willing to listen. As it is, people are only willing to listen when they think it's their "duty" out of some misguided sense of pity.

And hell, I've been mocked by the suicide hotline people. Think about what *that* means.

You can talk here.
I'm not trying to argue with you...but maybe it's your perceptions and lousy sense of self-worth that are making you believe that people listen to you out of duty or pity, or that you're being mocked.
What is it that you want to talk about? Why do you feel you have nothing to say?

We live in a culture and species where everyone - even you and I - evaluate statements based on how true they 'feel', rather than how well they match up to evidence. Even evidence is vetted by how we feel, and how we want to believe the world is. There is no "truth" and there are no "facts", only different forms of consensus and pressure to conform to one or the other.

Everyone knows this. Here on this forum, people complain about it constantly, but they never really grip it fully, because the implications are too bleak. Out in the 'real world', people either exploit it or are exploited by it, but no one really talks about it because too many people are invested in protecting the illusion that it isn't so.

Six million Jews and two million other "life unworthy of life" were killed because someone decided they were sub-human. Did we prove them wrong by talking about it? No, we proved them wrong by having half the world try to kill the other half.

Tens of millions of blacks were kept as subhuman chattel because someone decided it was more economical. Did we prove them wrong by talking about it? No, we proved them wrong by half of a country trying to kill the other half.

If you're weak, why bother talking? You'll just get stomped by someone who wants to shut you up. If you're strong, why bother talking? See, want, take, have.

We live in a socioeconomic system where people like me should just shut up and starve to death, because why should anyone deserve a chance to live if they can't afford it? We aren't running a charity here, folks.

We live in a culture where Snooki from Jersey Shore is famous, and hundreds of compassionate and insightful people in my community alone are wallowing in poverty and irrelevance. Where Donald Trump is a billionaire who has the ear of half of the political apparatus of the most powerful hegemony on the planet, while people who try to ask for a better world get tear-gas canisters to the face.

What the f**k is the point of talking about any of it? Can you fix any of this? Can you wave your hand and have money appear in my bank account? Even if you can, can you wash off the third-world exploitation that made that money happen? Can you provide me a meal? And if you can, can you do so without killing the planet, destroying some third-world country no one cares about, or forcing people to work long hours with no breaks and no medical care under near-slavery conditions?

You can't. And if you could, you wouldn't - because anyone who is the kind of person who could acquire power to change things is not the kind of person who would want to.

Hell, blather all you want. (At least) I sure don't mind

That's how I know it won't matter.

ummm. I didn't mean it that way: I meant it in the sort of way that I'm open to listen, not that I'll ignore you. I suck at this sort of thing (not making people feel bad).

Look. If you beat someone enough whenever they try to get help, they're going to stop asking for help.

If someone won't ask for help, they don't deserve to be helped.

Problem. f*****g. Solved.

Holy cats but you've got A LOT to talk about, ialdaboath. But you're taking on a WHOLE LOT all at once. It's no wonder you're feeling bleak and inconsequential and overwhelmed.
You're absolutely right, talking to me isn't going to change the world, or solve the many and myriad crappy problems that exist on this planet. But throwing up our hands and asking 'what's the point' doesn't help either. We have to find meaning in our lives. What can you do that will make a difference?

^^^No wonder you feel the way you do.

I don't know if this applies to you, but it's ironic that sometimes we can be picked on by the very people who may have inadvertently caused our condition in the first place.

** Smoking mothers link to autism **
Smoking during early pregnancy could increase a child's risk of developing autism by 40%, say scientists.
< http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/em/fr/-/2/hi/h ... 151289.stm >

Last edited by Marybird on 11 Jul 2012, 1:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I've been asking myself that for 30 years. I have a lot of scars to show for it; not much else.

I'm not even worthwhile enough to help a charity or a cause. I'm just... there.

What makes you think you're not worthwhile? And small things do make a difference.

What makes water wet?