Any other Aspies have this issue?

Post Reply New Topic

I have searched websites for aspies traits and have not found an exact mention of this, so I am asking you if you experience this:

In a situation where you are facr to face with acquaintances and/or online chatting, do you have trouble following the train of thought (or thread, if you will) of the conversation? Do you get lost in the sea of words?

And, do you have moments where you don't have a clue what someone in that chat or conversation is talking about---even though they seem to be speaking in a basic, clear way?

And, do you just plain misunderstand their meaning---that is---do you have trouble picking up on their implied meanings/or have you trouble reading between the lines? Do you have trouble picking up on these nuances of communication?

Has it lost you any friendships? Have people just thought you were rude or dense or indifferent when really, you can't understand the subtleties and nuances of NT communication?

Some aspies do seem to have trouble "reading between the lines".


A lady on another aspie site complained that people on non aspie websites would beat up on her because of what she would say "between the lines" when she couldnt say anything between the lines if her life depended on it because for her "there is no 'between the lines'".

So she not only couldnt read "between the lines"of others, she couldnt even guard against appearing to be saying things 'between the lines' herself that she didnt mean. That is she was apparently unable to see when her own writing appeared to be implying things that she didnt mean.

So i guess that is a common aspie trait- not picking up on subtext.

This is a common problem. Seeing hidden meanings is hard if you are focusing strictly on the words. As far as I understand, aspies tend to take things literally and this seems to be the case for me. It also works the other way around. People may take me literally because I may not use the correct tone. Readin between the lines is difficult because that concept is not really logical. Why say something when you mean something completely different?


This can be a big problem. People very often think those things about me. And since it's not polite to tell things like that straight to people's faces I may not understand that I did something wrong. And then later I may realize it and get anxiety. Once it I found out this few years later after it happened. This problem may be especially big during the early years when you are still in school. Neurotypical kids seem to automatically understand the social interaction but they cannot understand that some people don't. And thus they think those kids are freaks, stupid or whatever kids think (I have no idea what kids think).
Has it lost me friendships? Not sure, but it's always a very negative thing in romantic relationships. But I believe I have lost them due to entirely different reasons.


I don't think I understand what you mean. Are you referring to the difficulties of understanding the hidden messages or simply to the difficulties of focusing on the conversations? Or are you asking if I have problems understanding the meaning of words? It's easy to lose the ability to understand what words mean if there is lots of stress involved, and there usually is when I'm having a conversation.
But I guess I may understand the message in the wrong way and start talking about something completely different. And then I may realize that, stop and ask "oh, I guess this wasn't what you were talking about".


This could be a normal problem for neurotypicals if the conversation is held on a "difficult level" but I guess you are referring to regular conversations. No, I think not.

Yes


Yes. I have to ask what they are talking about....


Yes



What friends? But, yes NT people do think I'm rude or dense. So if NT's can's accept me for these problems I have, so be it.

I don't remember the exact source, but I found it in one of my notes;
Individuals with an autism spectrum condition are impaired in achieving local coherence(meaning of a sentence in regards to the general theme of the converstation)

And no, you are not alone.

I'm not officially an aspie (suspect I am) but I find, even with online text-based convo, that after a certain amount of it I just can't keep up. Don't know what they're saying. In person it's much worse. If I do make eye contact with someone who's talking to me I instantly lose any clue I might have had as to what they're saying. Gone--poof.

Between-the-lines stuff doesn't bother me. Facial expressions do. I tend to interpret even neutral faces as being upset/angry with me. My wife hates it when I ask her a bazillion times 'are you upset with me?' I really have trouble telling.

Conversation is an exchange. I think everyone zones when the topic or the grammar or the ideological bias isn't resonant. Supposedly we zone with less provocation & zone more completely. 'Reading between the lines' is asking me to supply deficits in another person's speech or text, which is lazy communicating, which deserves zoning. My basic rule: say something new, and make it succinct.

This first part also happens to me and I lose what I'm saying~! Frustrating. Also, I've learned a lot of facial expressions over time but different people use them differently so alas lends more complexity to the problem.

Thanks everyone for your replies. It's enlightening to know that others have similar experiences.

It's hard for me to get over the fact that in a social situation around people that I trust, they can be conversing and i get confused and don't know what they mean---but am too embarrassed to interrupt the conversation and say, "uh, hey, I don't get it. What did you mean?"
Or, the conversation goes too fast for me---I get lost in all the words, can't keep up, and zone out.