I suck at keeping friendships, help?

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(I'm really frustrated so sorry if this comes out as a rant)

soooo I've had this friend (lets call her b) for Almost 5 years. (since I was like in 3ed or 4th grade) so b and I have been super close for a longgggg time. We shared everything with each other including deep thoughts and feelings. So last year at camp I found out she did something really bad to her self from another friend (not like gossip but more of "b is going through a hard time and she's been doing this so just be aware of that") and at first I was upset that b was keeping this secret from me but I just let I go. Then we had a sleepover and she told me that and did this thing to herself and I was glad that she trusts me enough to tell me. But the next morning she emailed me and said what she told me was a joke to see how I would react. Of corse I knew it wasn't a joke but I just went along with it.

but since then everything's been kinda awkward between us. Even her mom noticed (I'm not to fond of her btw) by saying things to b like "I didn't know she had a sense of humor" and stuff like that witch really bothered me.

anyway, we still have fun and stuff together but it just feels so fake.
so how do I restore our friendship? (I'm pretty awkward and lost during social situations so I really need help cuz I don't know what to do )

its ok

I know how you feel-I do know -I also have a very hard time-its rough

how can I save our friendship though? Cuz I'm clueless

I Haven't an answer as I have recently lost a friend where things were awkward and I wish I had the answer for that-I wanted you to know you ae not alone in that sort of situation.

sorry no advice........ but sempathy (somewhere in between sympathy and empathy) and <big virtual hug>......... I also suck at keeping friends.

I don't see this as an issue of you not being able to keep friends from your description (not saying you don't have that problem because I don't know you), but it doesn't sound like you did anything wrong. It sounds like your friend is struggling with some intense things and she is having a hard time. If she is doing what I imagine she is doing, you have to understand that she probably has some pretty deep issues to deal with.

I'm not sure you've lost your friendship. I think that actually you are being a good friend. You are not adding extra pressure to her during a time when she probably already feels overwhelmed and confused. You are continuing to spend time with her and have fun. That might be just the kind of friend she needs right now.

It's not always easy to put someone else's needs ahead of our own, but to me it sounds like that is what you are doing...you are being there for her in a non-confrontational manner at a time when she may not be able to handle anything too confrontational or anything too deep.

Maybe you could just say "I know you weren't really making it up. You don't have to talk about anything if you don't want to and I am not going to push you, just know that I am your friend and I am here if you need me" and just leave it at that. If she needs to be superficial right now, honor that. That's what good friends do sometimes.

I also want to add that I have had the same best friend since I was 10. I am 44 now. Long term relationships do not stay at the same level of intensity at all times. Very close and very intense relationships are hard to maintain for long periods of time, even for NTs. For me and my friend, sometimes we were closer than sisters. Other times things were not so close. But it is the one enduring friendship that I have had. It is normal for a friendship to wax and wane. It sounds like you guys still enjoy each others company, even if you aren't as close as you once were. Chances are, in time, you will become close again and from my experience it isn't necessarily that you have to do something in order for that to happen. It's more that its just the natural life of a friendship sometimes.

Maybe you could go at it diagonally. For example, let's say her issue is that she's been engaging in cutting behavior. So, you could matter-of-factly and briefly talk about something you're heard about bulimia and leave it at that.

In general, you want to take a medium step, observe feedback, another medium step, observe feedback, etc. This instead of a big, all at once, clumsy step. Now, in the course of a relationship, you may sometimes become too intense. And during and after these times, just graciously back off and give space.

And I agree that you are helping her just by being present. And also kind of build her up on her good points and her strengths, easily, without making a big deal about it.

It feels fake because the basis that fun is built upon (trust) is not there anymore. She didn't trust you with it, you can't trust her now because she didn't tell you before. The lack of trust right now is a reality, nothing you can do about it. Trust will build again with time, if things are good, but it does take time. Try to avoid taking all the responsibility for the continuation and quality of this friendship.

A word of caution: Being a good friend does not include keeping self-harming actions secret. It's considered cooperation, it's a crime, so you have to report the self-harm to the person's parents or your parents asap. If something bad happens to the person, you will be interrogated. Protect yourself first of all, then help prevent your friend self-harming.

I did indeed edit my post after I reread your OP.

Re how you make the friendship feel less fake: as I said, it feels fake because you're trying to act as if nothing happened, when actually a lot happened to the trust between you two, trust being the basis of a friendship. Either you two talk about it, or just continue faking till the trust returns... Are you contemplating other possibilities? I can't think of any more...