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zeldapsychology
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11 Jul 2012, 9:18 pm

Other than shutting down and zoning out and saying NOTHING I see no way to fix the issue. I yell when I just meant to say something nicely. Or say things I shouldn't and I don't know it was "wrong" until I'm told by another person. Sadly my 12 year old sister Katelyn is rude to mom/dad and I see it and don't like it mom sort of blames me and says I need to "grow up" Does changing rudeness or saying the right/wrong thing ever get better???



Surfman
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11 Jul 2012, 9:50 pm

Speaking half as much could mean your half as rude?

Meditation can modulate rudeness, and frequent sex can root out tensions and anger



Atomsk
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11 Jul 2012, 9:59 pm

zeldapsychology wrote:
Other than shutting down and zoning out and saying NOTHING I see no way to fix the issue. I yell when I just meant to say something nicely. Or say things I shouldn't and I don't know it was "wrong" until I'm told by another person. Sadly my 12 year old sister Katelyn is rude to mom/dad and I see it and don't like it mom sort of blames me and says I need to "grow up" Does changing rudeness or saying the right/wrong thing ever get better???


I'm not sure what the best way to solve the issue is - I have the same issues - such as yelling or being mean/rude when I meant to be nice. I think being silent is the best way for me, sometimes. But that doesn't always work, unless I'm having a period where I'm mute and can't talk.

I sometimes feel like I'm trying to walk on glass with social interaction.



MakaylaTheAspie
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11 Jul 2012, 11:51 pm

My best suggestion would be trying to regulate your tone and be careful how you say things.


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IndieSoul
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12 Jul 2012, 12:24 am

"I was just joking!!"

My "jokes" go too far when I start commenting on someone's appearance or other little things about people. I don't usually do it to their face - more often with people I know. How can they understand that these words just fly out of my mouth before I can even realize what I'm saying?


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CyborgUprising
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12 Jul 2012, 12:35 am

I'm only rude if someone has been incredibly rude to me. At that point, there is no reason for me to suppress it and pretend all is fine and dandy.



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12 Jul 2012, 1:53 am

I'm fine with my rudeness, it's the other people who have a problem with it.



outofplace
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12 Jul 2012, 2:02 am

It took me a while, but I have been able to cut down on my more noxious tendencies. I have learned not to use certain highly opinionated sounding negative words and to instead focus on using mostly positive speech. This comes from learning about salesmanship from a friend of mine who was very good at it that tired (and failed!) to teach me to do it too. So, instead of focusing on a negative trait, you instead learn to focus your speech on positive traits. Thus, instead of saying that someone's dress or whatever makes them look fat, find something that looks good on that person and compliment that instead.

As far as regulating the volume of your voice, I don't know what to say. My voice has always been sort of loud and my parents relentlessly criticized me for it in childhood. I don't know if I have fixed it now or if no one says anything anymore due to my age.


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vanhalenkurtz
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12 Jul 2012, 2:07 am

zeldapsychology wrote:
I yell when I just meant to say something nicely. Or say things I shouldn't and I don't know it was "wrong" until I'm told by another person.


Then, it's clear, you're not being rude. Rude is inconsideration, and here you are are, brimming with considerateness. Some people "hear" rude; most people just hear what they're inclined to believe in the first place.


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Evinceo
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12 Jul 2012, 2:33 am

Cultivate a reputation of always making jokes, laugh a lot.



Cadawell
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12 Jul 2012, 5:43 pm

Tone makes a big difference, and you may not notice you're using a bad one. I remember as a child I'd often get pulled aside for 'raising my voice' to someone. My mother explained that it was my tone that was rude, more than the words. Try to pay attention to how you're saying things and compare it to how other people are saying similar things (that aren't coming across as rude). See if you can spot a difference.



daydreamer84
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12 Jul 2012, 8:25 pm

MakaylaTheAspie wrote:
My best suggestion would be trying to regulate your tone and be careful how you say things.


Ya I have the same problem as the OP and I do try to be careful what I say but it seems like there just isn't enough time to think through what I want to say before saying it in a normal conversation (even if talking a lot slower than the other person) or my brain just gets lazy and words just come of my mouth impulsively, or I think something is [perfectly polite (was said in a fine way) and someone has to explain to me why it isn't or I work it out for myself much later on (way after the conversation is over) and I end up offending people regardless.



LuxoJr
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13 Jul 2012, 3:52 am

I just try to be polite as possible and assess everything positively. And smile. :)

Unfortunately, my advice might not be of very much help to you because in other words, I've taught myself to be optimistic while I am inherently pessimistic. :/

And sometimes I am over-polite because I worry about hurting someone's feelings. So as a result, if I am ever rude accidentally, I don't really notice it unless someone points it out to me. But people don't do that because people don't just go around saying things, and I never really request that they do but that's alright for me. Hopefully, I never am though. D:


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13 Jul 2012, 5:29 pm

I usually apologize if I realize I'm wrong but unfortunately I usually don't realize until much latter. I really feel embarrassed, sometimes I wonder if I deserved to be bullied in middle school. I am usually extremely polite and quiet, I try to avoid situations where I could be rude. An extraordinarily well respected teacher at my school actually went so far so as to write a letter to my parents explaining how I was the most intellectual student he had met during his 30+ years at the school among tens of thousands of students. :lol: I do well in structured environments but in others I am extremely rude. I wish I could change the past, but unfortunately I can't.