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jajaboo
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10 Mar 2015, 6:21 pm

Hi Everyone
Just a few questions that my boyfriend just doesn't seem to know the answer to. He hasn't been formally diagnosed with AS.
1 - Can someone tell me why my boyfriend frequently asks me if I have cleaned my teeth before we go to bed ? For me its an illogical question I always do and its just what you do so why does he ask ? He just says oh just making sure we are ready for bed. I have read about the sensory stuff but can someone elaborate ?
2 - He says he thinks he is good looking which I obviously think he is but he doesn't like photos ? He gets impatient when having a photo taken together or when I am trying to take one of him. We have been together for two years.
3 - When he needs switch off time I usually sense and then i verbalise with him that I am going to give him time alone. Just wondering if this method works for other people ? I have been reading that when this happens people seem to not want anyone in the house. Could someone elaborate on their needs an why ?
Thank you



starkid
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10 Mar 2015, 6:33 pm

There's no way we can know the answers to the first two questions. They aren't necessarily related to autism/asperger's.



naturalplastic
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10 Mar 2015, 6:42 pm

What is an "issum"?



cathylynn
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10 Mar 2015, 6:47 pm

naturalplastic wrote:
What is an "issum"?

i think it's "issue" with a typo.



naturalplastic
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10 Mar 2015, 7:19 pm

makes sense.



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10 Mar 2015, 8:54 pm

jajaboo wrote:
Hi Everyone
Just a few questions that my boyfriend just doesn't seem to know the answer to. He hasn't been formally diagnosed with AS.
1 - Can someone tell me why my boyfriend frequently asks me if I have cleaned my teeth before we go to bed ? For me its an illogical question I always do and its just what you do so why does he ask ? He just says oh just making sure we are ready for bed. I have read about the sensory stuff but can someone elaborate ?
2 - He says he thinks he is good looking which I obviously think he is but he doesn't like photos ? He gets impatient when having a photo taken together or when I am trying to take one of him. We have been together for two years.
3 - When he needs switch off time I usually sense and then i verbalise with him that I am going to give him time alone. Just wondering if this method works for other people ? I have been reading that when this happens people seem to not want anyone in the house. Could someone elaborate on their needs an why ?
Thank you


1. List:

. Hypersensitive smell, could be greatly bothered by slightest whiff of pungence
. Hygiene issues (if you kiss etc.)
. Perhaps you have bad breath (ask him)

2. List:

. Anxiety
. Hypersensitive vision (flash)

3. List:

. Social exhaustion (introversion)
. Hypersensitivity
. Special interests


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jajaboo
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11 Mar 2015, 2:40 am

Thanks for answers
1
Yes asked about bad breath an not that. He doesn't like kissing after we have eaten either so maybe its the hygiene thing. That has come up with other stuff. No mess etc but funny how some stuff he is messy with
2
Anxiety over what ?
3
He doesn't seem to be able to tell me if he needs his own space. I am sensitive to his needs but just wondering if I need to do more. He seems fine with me being in the HSE but just aware that if he doesn't know what he wants I may be interfering in his switch off time.



Raleigh
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11 Mar 2015, 5:58 am

1. Brushing teeth may be a routine for your boyfriend which needs to be done in order to go to sleep with peace of mind. He may have extended this to include you as well.
2. The unnatural awkwardness of posing for photographs is horrible. And the flash is excruciating. Avoid at all costs.
3. I live with three Aspie guys and we all have our switch-off areas in separate parts of the house. I would love to be alone in the house during this time but I realise that's unreasonable of me. When I start zoning out, my partner says, "Alone time?" And leaves me to it.


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jajaboo
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11 Mar 2015, 7:36 am

That's all really helpful. Hopefully when his busy work life settles down he can start to think more about why he does certain things himself. Since knowing him he has had some light bulb moments which he feels is helping him to understand himself.

Another question on special interests do they tend to change over the years ? And is it just another way of making life easier/interesting or is it a compulsion/ anxiety release.



izzeme
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11 Mar 2015, 8:40 am

Interests do fluctuate early in life, but after adolescence, they are pretty set.
Pursuing them is both a compulsion and a stress release; someone with AS would build their toy train set for the same reason as an NT might go play football



jajaboo
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11 Mar 2015, 10:18 am

Fair enough. Also wondering more on downtime. What is the difference between being alone in the house with someone who knows u don't want to be disturbed and having the house to yourself ?



Raleigh
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11 Mar 2015, 4:23 pm

jajaboo wrote:
Fair enough. Also wondering more on downtime. What is the difference between being alone in the house with someone who knows u don't want to be disturbed and having the house to yourself ?

Even though we're in separate rooms I can still pick up on the vibes - can hear little noises etc which will prevent me from going completely into escape mode. An empty house doesn't usually pose a threat whereas you never know what people are going to do so your senses are attuned to pick up on a possible intrusion.
I would never tell people to leave, I just know for me I would prefer an empty house.


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jajaboo
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11 Mar 2015, 4:37 pm

That makes sense.