What does my autism mean to me?
For me, my autism means forever being a cognitive and emotional hybrid of old lady, young adult, and child. It means having friends but never knowing if they're just with me because they pity me. It means feeling frustrated and confused by the simplest day to day tasks despite being quite smart in other areas. It means not being able to go outside without experiencing pain and confusion because of my sensory issues. It means being caught between situations where I can express myself and end up not being taken seriously because people think the ability to talk means I'm fine, and situations where I'm unable to talk and people still assume I'm fine because they believe that if there was really a problem, I'd find a way to tell them. It also means knowing I might never be able to cope with a regular job.
HOWEVER, it also means being able to take pleasure in tiny things nobody else even notices. It means I feel this warm rush of pride almost every day, because every day is difficult and even the smallest things are a huge achievement for me. It means being safe from peer pressure because I'm oblivious to it in the first place. Above all, it's taught me the value of things other people take for granted, like their senses and ability to communicate.
Most of my worst traits come from being autistic, but my best traits come from being autistic too. Without autism, I just wouldn't be me. I used to have no self esteem and hated myself, but slowly I'm beginning to see that being me is quite a good thing to be. If somebody offered me a total cure for my autism I'd refuse, because there are a lot of good things mixed in with the bad. I certainly wouldn't mind a cure for my sensory problems though.