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xCarlax
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

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Joined: 3 Nov 2011
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 45
Location: Australia

20 Jul 2012, 4:08 am

ok, so im starting to have realizations since moving out of home,
that i feel im going to be alone for my life.

i think i would probably be better of away from society than with it.
i cant keep trying to fit into the "norm", it overwhelms me and mentally drains me so much after even 3 hours of being with people.
im quite sick of people misunderstanding me and judging me.
im sick of having to work my ass of trying to understand what they are communicating to me.

being alone has been the only way i keep at ease, and calm, and can be myself, i can relax with my interests and my cats and know i can relax and be confusing quirky me without having to explain or feel like i have to be "normal" just so this world doesnt judge me or think i dont belong here.
though i already knew i was alien.

does anyone else feel like this?



Nonperson
Veteran
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Joined: 12 Jun 2012
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,258

20 Jul 2012, 8:48 am

I've often felt like that and wished I could just go live in the woods somewhere and be a hermit. NTs act as though life is only good if you're surrounded by people, but for me, most of my suffering comes from other people and most of my happy times happen in solitude. I didn't end up becoming a hermit, though - I had kids, and I have to face the world for their sake. I left an abusive marriage when I was 26, and told myself I would never remarry since I was happier living alone, but ended up meeting my soulmate on an online forum and remarrying at 30. I still don't really have friends, except my little brother and a couple people who were his friends first, and I don't really feel as though I fit in with them and socializing usually just wears me out.

I've found more satisfaction socializing on the internet than in real life, for the most part - it's much easier when there is no pressure to respond quickly or look people in the eyes, and it's easier to find those few people I have things in common with. There are always trolls and hostile people there as well, of course, and there will always be posts that simply don't seem to get read or end up looking like "thread killers", but in general, the strategy of finding a group of people online I have something in common with and simply being myself and participating has been rewarding. I found a lot of people I could relate to on a forum for Tolkien fans, and also on one for my Myers-Briggs personality type (INTP). I guess what I'm saying is, don't let the current lack of people you can connect with discourage you. When I was 20 I had no connection with anyone, either, but found it eventually. Also, on a forum like this, if people seem to respond harshly or coldly, just remember that they're on the spectrum, too, and may just have a tendency to be literal and pedantic without actually meaning any harm. I know I sometimes do. Some people also just might not know/remember how it is to find that first thing you can grasp onto to pull you out of depression, and how important that thing can be at the time even if others can't understand it.