Attending a funeral

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My partners grandmother passed away on the weekend and we will be attending her funeral mid week. I've only ever gone to one funeral before and was 8 at the time. I have a tendency to unintentionally say things that people find very offensive or have nothing to say and seem uncaring so I'm trying to prepare a little.
Does anyone know what is typically expected at a funeral and what should typically be avoided?

Something to mention is my partners family is very religious and I am not religious. This might be relevant or not. Also his step mother (whose mother died) tends to share a lot of close, personal, heavy, emotional information with me so I expect I will need to do some sort of comforting (which I don't know how to do when it comes to death because my attitudes toward death seem to be offensive to most people Ive talked to about it)

Are there any "safe" comforting things to say? And if you have any other experience based advice please feel free to add it.

Just say things like "I'm sorry for your loss" "She's in a better place now" and if you have any nice memories of the person, talk about them, for instance "I remember when we all went to the park one day together, it was such a lovely day with her", and things like "She will be missed".
Don't say anything negative about her, like she p*ssed you off one time or something.

Also try saying "if there's anything I can do, please let me know" to support and comfort others. It's usually an empty sentence, but people like to hear it for some reason.

I've only been to 1 funeral, and I didn't even know the person that well, but it was a nice funeral, and very sad at the same time. I really cried hard.

Funeral's are usually very sad that it just makes everyone cry anyway.

You'll probably have to sing a few hymns if it's in a church, but if you don't know the song, don't worry, just grab one of the funeral book things that's been arranged for the person and mime the words from the lyrics so if people look at you from afar, they won't think you're a d*ck for not trying to sing the song.

I would suggest wearing sunglasses if you can, so even if you're not sad, or even if you are, people can't tell either way, and people will think you're wearing them because you're sad. This is a good thing to have to make people think like you care about the situation and the person.

Sucking on a boiled sweet might be an idea to stop you from any inappropriate smiling.

Oh, wow.
This was a huge problem for me, since my family experienced a lot of funerals all at one short period.

"I'm sorry for your loss" is the standard line. Don't get into a debate with anyone if they tell you that they're so glad that person X is with Jesus or Davey Crockett or whomever now. Just nod politely.

Don't smile. (easy, right?)

I had a huge problem with grinning like a mule eating briars when I was at funerals. I took to pinching myself and remembering bad things that had happened to me.

Since you didn't know the old woman, the things appropriate for you to say when addressed are "Hello" and "Goodbye." If proffered a hand, the polite thing to do is to shake it with the same amount of pressure and warmth given.

If uttering, "Sorry for your loss," makes you feel insincere, the words are still appropriate to speak when greeting your partner's parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, and cousins, especially if they spent a lot of time with her and they say to you, "Thank you for coming."

If you do not want to say anything, then practice in the mirror appearing thoughtfully somber and wear that expression during the funeral and the wake, if there is one.

Remember that the funeral is not about you. It's about the grandmother and those who loved her.

Keep in mind that you are primarily there to support your partner and do what you can to ease your partner's pain at the loss. Stay close to your partner and let your partner do most of the talking.

This will also enable your partner to give you a swift elbow if you stray into a minefield.

_________________
If it don't come easy . . . .
. . . .hack it until it works right

Aspie score: 142/200 NT score: 64/200
AQ Score: 42
BAP: 109 aloof, 94 rigid and 85 pragmatic

I've been to numerous funerals/memorial services over the last few years (my dad's in 2004, my paternal grandfather's in 2006, my paternal grandmother's just this January, and memorial services for a professor at my college I was close with).

Some tips:

1) Keep a straight face: for us Aspies this isn't the easiest thing at the funeral, but try nonetheless.
2) If you are a direct relative of the deceased
3) Learn from my mistakes. When my paternal grandmother passed away, I awkwardly gave my condolences to my uncle, despite the death being my grandmother.

Can you imagine? At my age and never been to a funeral? I supposed I'd be quiet like a church mouse if I'd went.