Worst meltdown of my life.

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So I spent last night in hospital being treated for a paracetamol overdose.

I was put in a 4 bed room, which just had one other occupant for most of the night ... a nice quiet old lady. And I was fine for the night (except I didn't sleep because things weren't "right" ... the bed, the light, the noise etc). But given the circumstances, I was fine and relatively relaxed.

Then at 6 am, a third patient is brought to the room. She is loud. Talking all the time. To the nice quiet old lady. To me. I couldn't speak or move and lay in my bed stimming with my toy and flapping my legs wildly trying desperately not to hurt myself or start crying or throw something at the new lady. Then the lights came on and folk start cleaning, bringing water, offering tea, toast, taking obs. I couldn't interact with anyone, and worse couldn't get out of the bed to go use the loo ... I was just stuck there terrified I was going to end up wetting the bed or something unforgivable ... losing my battle against not crying and hearing the loud woman say over and over again "there's something not right in that girl's head".

Thankfully I had a moment of inspiration and typed a message on my phone saying "Asperger Syndrome. Can't cope in here, get me out" but it wasn't until a second inspiration 5 minutes later that I had the ability to get anyones attention so that I could show it to them...I ended up doing this by kinking my drip so the alarm went off and then thrusting my phone in the nurse's face.

Within 3 minutes I was moved into a private room and given plenty of time and space to recover before they tried to give me obs, breakfast etc.

Of course I should have told them at the very beginning when I saw the 4 beds in the room that this was not going to work .... but of course I didn't feel able to because I was already stressed by the whole situation of just being there (even though I say that I was relatively relaxed given the circumstances, my ability for speech was already switched off at that stage) and I'm not generally someone who makes a fuss ... I just try to make the best of situations.

Have to tell you ... that was the worst meltdown I've ever had in my life. Honestly the terror of feeling that I was going to wet the bed in a hospital because of my inability to communicate my needs when stressed has got to be the ultimate low point.

Hospitals are horrible.
I had to stay in one for 3 days and 2 nights last year because I couldn't breath and by the time I got home I was just shut down for a week.
I had to apologize to my mom and brother because I started yelling at them "to leave me alone get the hell out of my apartment".
Was the first real blowup, where I just can't control what I'm saying since I was a kid.
I only slept maybe 4 hours in 3 days, all the people, pretending to be nice and happy, the jabbing with needles and not eating enough food because I was up 24/7 and there wasn't anything to eat at night.
It's not something I want to do again.

To top that off with being insulted and bothered by an annoying talkative roommate, and be unable to say or do anything, I think I probably would have flipped.

I would certainly make sure you get a private room from the start next time.

Have you seen these? Autism Alert Card They may be useful in the future (although hoping you don't encounter another situation like this in the future!)

Yeah, I've seen them and have thought about using them in the past, but I'm not sure that they would have been particularly helpful in this case because part of the problem was activating the part to get attention by handing the message to someone (I've often used my phone to message people in this way in circumstances where I can't talk, but it took a lot longer for that to occur last night/this morning). Also the card wouldn't have explicitly stated what the problem was and what I needed so might have just led to more questions and confusion and stress....

I don't know. I really like the idea of an "official" card but I don't think they're specific enough in general.

After this experience you could keep the message on your phone, give it a hotkey and the next time you are going to be prepared and can just show people what the problem is about. That's why i use a set of homemade, personalized flash cards in case i should end up in horrible circumstances.

I have an autism alert card and a medic alert necklace that states my medical conditions and autism.

I have been sectioned by the police (as in found mentally unstable in a public place and being detained and forced to go to the psych hospital) seven times in the last 5 years. Only once did they take notice of my autism. The other times I ended up freaking out completely when they made physical contact with me, and I ended up with four officers pinning me to the ground and handcuffing me, and dragging me into a police van. Admittedly I was very ill at those times. But at the one time they took notice of my autism (I have a note on the Police National Computer that I am autistic), I was not handcuffed and I went to hospital in an ambulance, as opposed to the back of a police van. Although I do respect the reason why they sectioned me as I was convinced that if I killed myself, I would save the world :/

I like PTSmorrow's suggestion of having the message on the mobile with a hotkey, I will try that.

To the original poster - perhaps you could get a medic alert bracelet or necklace? Mine says that I have autism, and it is engraved into the metal so it won't rub off. There are various websites you can get them off at variable prices. Or perhaps you could carry a laminated card that says "I have autism" and a brief sentence explaining your needs. I am going to be making a laminated card myself soon I hope, after what happened on the street with the charity person invading my personal space and making me have a meltdown in the middle of the street.

You could try making your own via this website which does free business cards (you pay for postage which is about £3) which you can put whatever you like on.

Otherwise a medi bracelet sounds like a good idea, or alternatively something like this which is a dog tag, but with a USB stick so some allow you to have "I have autism" engraved on it, with further details and emergency contact details on the USB stick, should you be taken to hospital or anything.

I'm going to be in the hospital soon for surgery. There isn't a date set yet.

I hope it isn't too bad. I was only in the hospital twice before. The first time was for two nights and even though I was in a two person room I was alone. The second time was after I had my appendix out and I was in a room with another person but they released me after about 12 hours. I think it was an old lady and the curtain was shut almost the whole time and she didn't talk to me. She had her tv on the whole time but that didn't bother me because I was bored and didn't pay to have mine turned on. The only thing that bothered me was not long after I was put in the room she was coughing so much I didn't know if that was usual for her or she was choking to death.

I'll find out more tomorrow when I get tests done (or maybe later when they get results) but depending on whether I can get laparoscopic surgery I could be in there for a day to almost a week. I'll miss my kitty and my computer. My kitty will be so sad without me and will cry for me when I'm not here. Even now he sometimes cries for me if I shut him out of the bedroom or bathroom and he sleeps in my room every night.

The thing is it's more about not being able to express my needs when stressed than it is about letting people know about my ASD.

The hospital staff knew I had Asperger Syndrome because it was clearly written at the top of my notes (I saw them). But just knowing someone has Asperger Syndrome does not give any clue to their needs at a particular moment in time because frankly "you've met one person with an ASD, you've met one person ...".

So we do have to try to express what we need. The problem is when I'm stressed my ability to initiate any form of contact to express what I need completely disappears. And I was already stressed when I got there so I wasn't off to a good start.

So the medic alert band, cards etc are fine to allow folk to discover your ASD, but they in themselves don't tell anyone what you need at a particular time. The flashcards are a good idea (or pre-stored messages in a phone - I do actually have some already) but rely on your ability to be able to initiate that communication. Which is what I was struggling to do. And the frustration of not being able to do that just made the meltdown worse.

I'm just relieved I did manage to eventually break out of it enough to get help.

YellowBanana, I hope it works out better for you if such a situation comes up again, though I hope there's no need for you to have to deal with such a thing. If it does happen again, and if the hotkey or flashcards work, please post here to let others know how it went for you.

Good luck to you, hanyo. I hope you and your kitty will be all right.