Do social situations without a time limit drive you crazy?

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tjr1243
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28 Jul 2012, 9:52 pm

...or can you tolerate them?

For example, being invited to someone's house but there is no plan to do anything but sit around (and gab) for hours.

i feel incredibly nervous in those situations...i don't understand how people can spend hours doing nothing but talking. i find it both boring and draining.

It is much easier when someone invites me out to a time-limited activity. For example: a movie. Or driving around. At some point it has to end.

When sitting around in someone's house, it's different. I have a hard time telling people I want to leave. I feel grateful for people's hospitality, so it is hard to explain how difficult it is to sustain social interaction for hours.

Going out to a ball game, driving somewhere, or attending a time-limited event is different. In the end, you go home.

Eating out at a restaurant is OK, but when the food is done i want the check and to leave right away.

If I have to spend a whole day with a friend, I prefer it be broken up; for example 1 hour doing this, then 1 hour doing the next thing........not 14 hours non-stop talking or sitting in one spot!! !! !

I love my friends but have a hard time asserting myself. I mostly cater to their wishes because i'm grateful to have company.

Asperger's can be a funny thing. You long for friendship yet wish to be alone sometimes.

i get quite claustrophobic in social situations.....just don't like spending hours in 1 location, unless it is something active, like a sport, or walking. But sitting around, no!! ! It drains me of what little energy i have....socializing for that long makes me want to tear my hair out.

Any of you feel the same?



Merculangelo
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28 Jul 2012, 10:03 pm

yeah



Who_Am_I
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28 Jul 2012, 10:12 pm

Oh yes.


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tjr1243
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28 Jul 2012, 10:21 pm

Thanks for responding, you guys. :)

It is a relief to know i'm not completely alone on this. The only friends i have, enjoy the complete opposite of what i enjoy. They love sitting around and chatting. i just don't know how to assert myself and say, hey this is boring, let's go out and do something (and only do it for about an hour or i'll have a complete meltdown..... 8O :? )



Last edited by tjr1243 on 28 Jul 2012, 10:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Dillogic
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28 Jul 2012, 10:22 pm

I'll just pretend that I go to social situations.

In a way, if there's no limit..., you can go home whenever you want to! Score!

If there's a limit, you're "forced" to stay there the entire time (just pretending that it means you have to stay there for the set time due to some weird desire to stick to the order).



JesseCat
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28 Jul 2012, 10:27 pm

Oh yes I feel like this too.
I never know what to say and how to act normal and it's draining. And boring. Some socializing is good and I feel obligated to do it, but anything in excess just feels like a waste of time.
The whole time I'm usually thinking about when I will be going home so I can read/work out/do something pertaining to my special interest/etc.
Gah.



alecazam3567
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28 Jul 2012, 10:32 pm

I find myself always checking my watch in these situations. I love when I know that an event will end at 6:00, for example. Because then I will know I will go home at 6:00. But when someone just invites me over, I anxiously look at the clock or my watch and wish I could just say, "I'll leave at 6:00, okay?"

A really good example was when a friend invited me over and I had stayed for a while. I didn't want to say when I wanted to leave, and to him it was like my mom had suddenly shown up to come get me. It was really awkward and to him, it seemed like I must have wanted to leave, like i was bring him... :?



tjr1243
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28 Jul 2012, 10:35 pm

JesseCat wrote:
Oh yes I feel like this too.
I never know what to say and how to act normal and it's draining. And boring. Some socializing is good and I feel obligated to do it, but anything in excess just feels like a waste of time.
The whole time I'm usually thinking about when I will be going home so I can read/work out/do something pertaining to my special interest/etc.
Gah.


Same here....about 30 minutes into it i'm thinking, this is boring... Because for some reason my friends are queens of excess. If for one day they want to go out and get some fresh air (and this is rare but it happens), it takes hours to do one thing. For example, a movie. Get there 1 hour early, then after the movie is over, hang out at the snack bar for another hour. It is in complete excess of the actual time required to complete the activity. I'm grateful for their attention and interest, but i'm usually quite restless at that time.



Who_Am_I
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28 Jul 2012, 10:39 pm

"I've got things to do" is the perfect excuse for leaving a social situation as it's always true. (Breathing is a thing!)


_________________
Music Theory 101: Cadences.
Authentic cadence: V-I
Plagal cadence: IV-I
Deceptive cadence: V- ANYTHING BUT I ! !! !
Beethoven cadence: V-I-V-I-V-V-V-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I! I! I! I I I


tjr1243
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28 Jul 2012, 10:45 pm

Who_Am_I wrote:
"I've got things to do" is the perfect excuse for leaving a social situation as it's always true. (Breathing is a thing!)


i've used a variation of this, but they usually ask, "What is it you have to do?" then i'm tongue-tied. .



alecazam3567
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28 Jul 2012, 10:50 pm

tjr1243 wrote:
Who_Am_I wrote:
"I've got things to do" is the perfect excuse for leaving a social situation as it's always true. (Breathing is a thing!)


i've used a variation of this, but they usually ask, "What is it you have to do?" then i'm tongue-tied. .

That dreaded question. I have to plan beforehand what I'm "doing," so when they ask, I don't panic.



tjr1243
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28 Jul 2012, 10:54 pm

alecazam3567 wrote:
That dreaded question. I have to plan beforehand what I'm "doing," so when they ask, I don't panic.


That's a good idea. i may check out the local events and see what's going on every day, that way there is an out.



DrPenguin
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28 Jul 2012, 10:55 pm

Yep I get the urge to gnaw off my own leg to escape after a while. Especially when its something like a wedding/works party when your taking a cab or getting a lift home with other people, I feel trapped and get more and more stressed. Then the comments at least look like your enjoying yourself (standing in a room full of strangers (usually kitchen (near fridge (Beer/wine), table (nibbles/wine/pineapple on sticks) and back door to escape outside when possible) with nothing interesting to do).

I like to go to parties in public places and be social, but under my own terms knowing that i have an exit strategy (or three) planned.

Do love visiting my friends though as there into gaming and share/tolerate some of my interests. In that case they have to kick me out, as I forget people need so much sleep.



alecazam3567
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28 Jul 2012, 10:58 pm

tjr1243 wrote:
alecazam3567 wrote:
That dreaded question. I have to plan beforehand what I'm "doing," so when they ask, I don't panic.


That's a good idea. i may check out the local events and see what's going on every day, that way there is an out.

Most of the time, I can't think of one, so it always turns out to be some important event, like a relative's birthday party that I forgot about. It sounds fake, but it gets them off my back.



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28 Jul 2012, 10:59 pm

Yes!! I am always thinking" How soon can I go home and still appear to be polite?"I really don't want to hurt anyone's feelings but I get bored and nervous and tire out real quickly.Everyone else is acting like they can't get enough of the social scene,I wonder if they become energized by socializing while I feel like I'm smothering?I always assumed I was alone in feeling this way and was realived to find other people find it just as draining.I have animals and a big garden so I always have a valid reason to excuse myself.



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29 Jul 2012, 12:37 am

I feel the same - I have pretty much broken off friendships with anyone who just wants to sit around and talk when they hang out. Now my friends are other musicians, so if we're sitting around talking, at least I can ramble on and on about special interest stuff and they want to hear it.