Can't Stop Obsessing About My Friend

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So I've stupidly made one of my friends a special interest again. I think about her 24-7. I analyze all of her behavior and I study her psychology. If I dont hear from her within two days I freak out. I don't have any other strong special interests right now. If I did, I'm sure I could take my mind off my friend, but I can't force special interests

Has anyone else been in this position? What did you do? I'm afraid I'm gonna start looking needy and stalkerish to my friend...

I think the best you can do is to monitor yourself carefully, make sure you are not making your friend uncomfortable, force yourself to give her space. If I'm interpreting your post correctly, you imply that your special interests don't last forever--if you can just wait it out until you are no longer so obsessed, you can probably get through it without damaging the friendship or turning into a creepy stalker. Good luck, anyway; it sounds like a pretty frustrating and awkward situation to be in.

Thank you

Yes, my special interests usually die out when I learn everything I want to know. The problem is that my friend also has some issues and is equally needy, So we talk and see each other a lot. It makes me feel really close to her, but I get scared that I enjoy her company as a special interest and not as an actual person.

You probably wouldn't have sparked a special interest in her if you didn't like her as a person, though...

That's an interesting thought. Well, I think I may be interested in her because she is also not NT (not Aspie, but has another disorder).

I am currently in this position going on 4+ years. It can be both the greatest feeling in the world or the worst feeling in the world depending on the day/amount of attention I receive from her in a certain time frame. I wish I had more helpful advice for you but as I am in this exact same situation I don't really know what to say. I have had other friends in my past become my special interests (not intentionally, it just "happens") but *this one* is different. The others were super easy to move on from when it all came crashing down, but this current individual brings out emotions in me like no other person in this world can do. When I am around her I feel closer to "normal" than with anyone else, at least emotionally. Words cannot describe how much I love her (not in a sexual way) but at the same time, that same passion is also my biggest downfall in certain situations. She tells me that I am the best friend she has ever had, but it frustrates me so much that she will never have that same Aspie passion for me that I do for her. It's just impossible because she is NT and her brain isn't wired to get so attached like mine is.

There is no neutral in my emotion grid. I always feel the extremes on both ends.

I don't want to say the thing that helps the most, because there really isn't anything that truly "helps" me, more like the thing that slows down the sucky parts the most is focusing that passion and pent up energy into another one of my special interests. For me that's basketball and fitness. It helps take my mind off her when she's in one of her "Doesn't feel like acknowledging my existence" modes. (Aka: right now)

Go figure that this thread pops up when I'm going through the worst case of BFF withdrawls I have had in the longest time.

Word of advice: Never get attached to someone who already has multiple kids because the made plans will always get cancelled. It just sucks.

To the OP: Yes, I think many of us have been in that situation! It's crucial that you understand that if things don't work out, it's going to be fine. I know it's hard for you to see that right now, but that is crucial not only for your own sanity but also for your chances of her feeling about you like you do her. Remember: You're going to be fine. No matter what.

I made that mistake in college and I payed for it. I thought that he was a very sweet person at first. He turned out to be a jerk, many months later.

Right I hope if the OP is as smart as Kenny Rogers and knows when to hold em and when to fold em. I wasn't always, that's for sure.

So glad I'm not alone in this. I can really relate. Some how, a person becomes part of the fabric of your universe and it's really difficult. What makes it even harder is that, to people who haven't experienced the autistic intensity of the special interest, the obsession can seem like a crush, as though there is sexual attraction. I worry that people will misunderstand and think I'm homosexual. In reality, the obsession is not sexual.

I am in this situation now and have been for a few years at least. It's now becoming difficult. He (he's on the spectrum too) decided that the best thing to do was to act normal. That's fine by me and what I need.

Everything has now become complicated and I'm not sure how much I can handle. I think he's currently ignoring me.

As someone that never got over obsessions easy all I can advice is wait for it to pass. Trying to get over her will only make you obsess more if you are like me. Meanwhile be careful not to be too vulnerable.

I have this exact issue, but I don't care what others think because I know what I am and whatever they want to think won't change that. Judgers gonna judge.

Thank you, everyone, especially Tigress! You described all of my current feelings.

Just to make things clear, I am actually gay but my obsession with my friend is way more than a sexual thing. That is the last thing on the list. I just want to know everything about her and spend every minute in her presence. Because of our closeness a romantic nature comes into play, but really it is the intensity that draws me in. You know that excitement and rush that comes from being a special part of someone else.

Wow, this is getting really bad now I seriously can't stop thinking about her. When she's not around I go through withdrawal symptoms, like I'm on a drug or something. I'm not going to see her now for 3 weeks (summer vacation) and I'm experiencing some anxiety because of this. What can I do with my time that will be as fulfilling as hanging out with her?

Wow. Actually, I don't. I have never felt this way with anyone. I can't decide whether to be jealous or not.


Again, wow. I've only ever experienced anxiety over a person when I know I'm going to be seeing them again and I know they are obsessed with me. I can't handle it; creeps me out, and I've had to end a few friendships because of it. But it's interesting seeing it from a different perspective. I never realised that someone might not actually like being obsessed with something/one.


Um...no idea, sorry. My special interests have always been, essentially, inanimate. And always accessible. But I have realised I cycle through them quicker the more 'into' something I've gotten, and when I finally feel like my appetite’s been satisfied, I move on. I guess that's what you were saying before about learning everything you can. Maybe instead of trying to distract yourself from it, overload yourself with it. Since she'll be gone for 3 weeks, go nuts - draw her, write stories about her, look at pictures of her, think about her as much as possible. Make it an assignment. Start a scrapbook. Since she's away she won't find out (maybe also don't show others). The idea, of course, being that once she comes back you've overdosed on her and she's no longer as interesting as before.

I dunno - it's one option...