Trouble judging situations/who's "right"

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In arguments I always have a hard time determining who's "right". I don't know if the other has really done all that terrible stuff or if I'm just too sensitive or exaggerating.

Right now an example is how I'm arguing with my mother about whether or not it's okay that she expects me to spend almost my entire vacation with helping her to move house. She's actually taking me with her and never asked me whether or not I'm okay with it (which I'm not). She bought a new flat in a terrible house with 6 families where someone is always stomping or banging doors. So now she takes me there for several hours every day to clean and put up furniture etc. It's really stressful to me because of all the noise and also it's very hot here right now, and she has an exaggerated view on cleanliness and order so she spends ages cleaning everything again and again and expects me to help. I told her that vacations are of no use to me if they're even more stressful than normal school days. She just claims I'm too lazy and sensitive. Now I really don't know. Am I right, and she is expecting too much/too sensitive about hygiene? Or am I just selfish and lazy? I find that very hard to figure out.

In this situation, since you are moving as well as your mother, she's a bit more 'right'. She likely planned the move during your school vacation specifically so you could help her pull it off. It sucks, but the move can't be undone at this point. Perhaps you can try and convince her to put more time on moving items and less time on cleaning to make it go faster, but that's about it.

Hmm, I really don't know. This is a difficult one... But I do know I would feel thoroughly miserable if I was in your situation, so you're not alone with that.

You're...19?

That wouldn't get me anything. I don't know where you live, but I'm in Germany, and here you can't earn more than 400 Euro a month without losing your government support for studying, and I wouldn't be able to pay rent and studying all by myself, it's just not possible.

Well, it sounds like one of those unpleasant situations where even if she is wrong, you lack the power/autonomy to do anything about it. She could be, depending on how extreme her demands are, but it wouldn't matter unless maybe it makes you feel better about resenting it.

BTW, tuition in Germany is ridiculously cheap compared to in the US (although I know the rent is high).

EDIT: Actually, I think with most people it's probably more useful to know who has the power than who's "right", anyway. You or I might care who's got a better case/more deserving/making sense, but I don't get the impression most NT's do.

Might sound hash, but honestly, suck it up. You are getting free room and board while you go to school. Can't get something for nothing. If you can't handle burning your vacation from school to do an adult activity like moving, theres no way you can handle the "adult" world when you move out and have a job. I never get to take a non "working" vacation. It's always taken up by tasks. I long for the days when I was in school and just had to study. That would be a vacation now.. grad school included in that statement.

I agree you should suck it up and deal with it.

The only thing I would criticize your mother for is not making all this clear to you before your break began. She should have spelled it out a bit better.

Other than that, I can see where she's coming from. Maybe you should even tell her, "in the future, just give me some warning or make it clear in advance."

The thing is, this is only part of a general trend, which means she pretty much always expects me to give my free time up for her. On weekends and even now during vacation she refuses to let me wake up after 8 am, and even in the time before moving she'd find something to do for me all day. Whenever I dared to complain she'd just say "you're doing nothing useful with your free time anyway". Yeah reading is so useless.