How should we respond to ignorance?

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Long story short, a while back, I told a leadership group I'd been in for three years about my ASD diagnosis. The mediator's response was to ask the group, "Have you ever interacted with someone with autism?" Am I being oversensitive to be offended by this? I felt like the question implied that I'm a part of some sort of species, as if everyone on the spectrum is exactly the same. It felt condescending, as if she was asking whether the group members had the skill and experience to interact with someone like me, as if I were an obstacle to be managed rather than a person with a soul... Worse, I had no idea how to respond, nor the time to formulate a response... so the meeting basically ended...

Is my interpretation of this valid, or am I being crazy? How should we respond to instances such as these?

Not enough data. Maybe he was just trying to make a conversation?

Let's see ... there was a person with autism in the group, and the mediator had to ask if anyone had ever interacted with someone with autism ...

Seems to me that that if the mediator was so ignorant of autism that he or she could not recognize a person with autism was sitting right next to him or her, you could have had some fun with it.

"Sort of ... you may not have noticed, but I have autism ... yes, my parents had my horns and tail removed when I was an infant, and taught me not to breathe fire on innocent people ... it's so hard to control when I have a meltdown, though ..."

Maybe they just didn't know what to say, and came out with that nonsense?

I would not care enough to respond.

Depends how it was said.

"Has anyone encountered someone with autism before? Ain't they just silly!" Okay, offended.

"Has anyone encountered someone with autism before? Would you have thought that it could be so moderate compared to our idea that it means totally non-verbal?" That's a discussion about our preconceived notions. In that regard, it is the exact opposite of your take on the situation of "so we are all the same?"

People's beliefs about autism seem to be in the same category as religion and politics. Their minds are made up, and nothing I can say will make a difference, so I just accept that they see it differently than I do, and just live and let live.

It seems like an odd thing to say. Vaguely scripted, like "take what the person says and turn it into a question" sort of thing. I don't know that I'd be offended so much as as amused and perhaps concerned the individual wasn't too bright/well-suited for their position. I don't think you were wrong in thinking it was off. How did the group respond?

Exactly. And I would also like to know what the group responded with.

I like to always take out the word "autism" and put in "blackness" and then see how the sentence sounds.

"Have you ever interacted with someone with blackness?" WHAT?

I think you should bring it back up the next time you guys meet. You could say that you were taken aback at that and couldn't properly respond at the time and now that you've had the time to think about it, you're alarmed at the question.

Roughly 1.5% of the population is estimated to be autistic. About the same amount of people who have naturally red hair and who are gay or lesbian. You can sit and imagine how many red-haired people you know, including those with "kind of red" hair, and that is how many autistic people you know, including "kind of" autistic people. That is also how many gay/lesbian people you know. The difference is that there is much less of a stigma attached to red hair than there is to homosexuality or to autism, so those kinds of people may not TELL you these personal things about themselves and in fact may go through a lot of trouble to fool you into thinking that they are NOT autistic, gay, or a lesbian.

So yes, you should have been offended. I am as well.

It's an odd response.

But to get the picture: why did you bring the information up in the first place?

Did it just come up in conversation?

Or were you asking for accommodation for you asd?

Last edited by naturalplastic on 28 Mar 2016, 2:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Yeah, but you can usually tell if someone has blackness. You can't tell if someone is autistic, or gay.

Maybe he is using your disclosure as an opportunity to have a conversation about autism. A positive thing if that is the case.

To further fill in the picture, some people in the group began accusing me of being "two-faced" because I seem completely passionate in some contexts, yet apathetic in others because of my sensory issues where I shut-down when overwhelmed. They complained about things like eye-contact and my inability to make small talk. Basically, they interpreted my ASD as being rude and not caring. Naturally, I was offended and felt a need to defend myself so I explained myself. Everyone was shocked and silent after. That's when the mediator jumped in. Following her question, she decided that we all needed a "break" so we have not yet met since.

It reminds me of those people who'll ask a group if they know where there's someone smart or interesting.

Ohh this would have been a great follow-up question for OP to ask the group right after the mediator's autism question. Too bad we all can't hit pause on life so we can ask WP for opinions and then go back to the situation in real time.