future family prospects

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came to the horrible conclusion that i will probably not have kids.

obviously having kids depends very much on finding a female partner altough i a m not even talking about this. This condition has been a complete hindrance on many of the things i have wanted to do and achieve in my own life. on that note and seen as autism is genetic, i think it would be entirely unfair to bring someone into the world who is just going to suffer in the way that i have.

on the upside, hopefully for all the parents of my generation (or maybe a few decades on), there will be a much better understanding of autism and AS amonst proffesionals and people in general.

i just feel to miserable and hopeless at the moment, i am not expecting anyone to feel sorry for me or anything but I have to get off my chest what i feel like as it just builds up inside otherwise. i am going to the doc's on monday to see if they can at least change my medication to something that makes me feel less wound up. this is no way to live a life.

do other people feel the same way about this issue. I am thinking about it now as I am in my late tenties people settle down at this stage!

I hate kids and never want them XD All they would cause is annoying and pain. Kids suck lol.

Getting married would be good, but I'm single, so I doubt that is gonna happen anytime soon XD

Me too, my sister was mad at me because I didn't wanted to hold her baby. That's just pathetic.

Agreed. Babies are boring and annoying. Cats on the other hand

I've actually very rarely had trouble getting boyfriends. Of course since it's boyfriends they've all had to end, and it was normally my "fault", but I've never really had issues.

I'm sorry if you think you can never really have a family... But all I can really say is don't lose hope. There were 311,591,917 people counted living just in the US, in 2011. There's honestly someone out there for everyone. I'm not sure how old you are, but even people late in their lives can find another.

Umm, yes, I can relate to some of the things your talking about here.

When I was in my late teens, I figured that I never would or should have a child or children. I had listed four reasons for this: 1) I was afraid that I would not make a good parent (lacking parenting skills), 2) I did not want a child to be born in this world with its social and environmental problems, like overpopulation, pollution, war, disease, etc., 3) [I'm sorry, I forget the third one]
4) The realistic chance that my children might have a disorder (not necessarily autism; based upon how many disorders occur in my family).

When I entered my twenties, I was soon swept away by a 'nesting urge'. I was able to satisfy some of it by successfully rearing an abandoned pigeon chick to adulthood. However, the notion that 'one day, I would probably run into a person with whom I'd spend my life, and subsequently raise a family', was something I kind of took as inevitable to happen some day. But it doesn't look like my social life (or rather lack of a social life) is leading toward anything of the sort. I tell myself now that I would be crazy to want to force my life into that direction. There are many more things that other people may consider to be the 'regular way of how a life progresses', that I still haven't done yet, and may in fact never do. It's almost like a checklist- get some schooling, get a job, get a house, get a car, get-get-get-get, and check all the boxes on your little checklist.

Obviously, neither material belongings nor spiritual/intellectual wealth should be hunted after in such a fashion. If I did that, I'd just be going through the motions of life. I'd be a robot. This goes a hundred times for what we're talking about here, meeting that special person and bringing a child into the world- because it's about people.

Just as falling in love is something that 'happens', so is having a child. Bear with me on this, because even though there may be much planning involved (in many cases even conception itself), it still 'happens'. The course of a pregnancy not entirely predictable, the child's health at birth or in the womb is not a certain thing, and once he/she has been born, who knows what direction -for better, for worse- his/her life will develop into? Though the parents should be there to guide the child (and protect and nurture and educate them), the child's life is ultimately out of the parent's hands, and in its own hands from the very beginning.

I consider it noble of you to consider that you might not want to have children, because you want to spare them the misery you are feeling due to your ASD. But should you happen to meet someone one day, with whom you end up spending so much time and having such a good rapport that the two of you want to settle down- and if the subject of children comes up- don't dismiss yourself outright, and don't be surprised if you find yourself taking the chance of bringing a baby into the world, who may or may not be autistic. Every sensible couple first thinks long and hard about children (including couples who end up with an unplanned pregnancy due to an contraceptive malfunction); you don't need to be autistic to have second thoughts or doubts, or to not be ready. And who knows, perhaps if the day should ever arrive, you would be well-equipped with personal experience to guide an autistic child on their rocky road of life- being able to let them avoid some of the tough times you have experienced and are experiencing now.

So you see all males of these 311,591,917 people as a potential boyfriends? Yuck, such a bestial view. It disgusts me how in these days finding a soulmate is like participating in to some kind of auction.

You must think aspies who have kids are horrible people.

How do you even get to that conclusion? I think there are a couple of sentences in her post that you may have skipped.

Chances are his/her mother or father is an Aspie too, so I doubt anyone here really feels that way. I don't want children for the exact same reasons CyclopsSummers mentioned though. I won't make a good father, and although every Aspie is different, I don't want a kid to grow up feeling the way I do. Of course, I might change my mind one day.

Harry, how do you come to not having kids is a "horrible conclusion"? I am 54 and no kids and at this point not going to happen. I have had many difficulties but now I would hardly call my life horrible. If you like children you can be an uncle to your siblings who have kids. If that is not possible there are ways you can volunteer at places like a zoo or a school and be with kids and maybe even help make their life better. Earth thanks you for not having kids, there are plenty of people here already.

I dont think i would want kids ever, if that chance would come, i wouldn want to put kids into this world with Autism aspergers, because its pretty painful life if you have a lot of the worse stuff like i have.

I think if i had the choice i would prefer to not have been born. The place where we live today isnt a very nice and friendly place for people who cant function and have invisible handicaps.

Having Autism and Aspergers is like being in a prison, but in reverse. you are free to go outside any time you want as much as you want, but you cant. Its like teasing you with candy just out of reach.

I Love Kids.

Children are a blessing.

Hey, I tell you, what, for those who do like children, volunteer to help those on the spectrum in some capacity.

It's rewarding.


TheSunAlsoRises

I'm not against having kids, although chances of finding a relationship (in my case, at least) are slim. I would also be hesitant bringing children into this world, considering the instability of more than 50% of relationships these days. I have no doubt that view could change in the future, but for now.

I have always wanted kids. I was 20 when I realized I didn't want to be a single mother and I didn't want my kid living in a one bedroom home and I didn't want to use peoples tax money to afford my child. No way I could have them with my first ex because I could see him being irresponsible so I knew I be doing all the work while he sits and plays his computer game all day. Plus I also imagined me going to work and I come home and our child had been in it's play pen all day long with no food and in a dirty diaper. I also knew to have kids, I would need a partner with a good income. Then when I was older, I realized no way I could raise kids on my own and I would need a good partner for it. I did find the right person but I was not ready for kids then. I felt we were too poor to have them and our work schedules and daycare is expensive. Then I felt so ready at age 23. I just didn't have our first child until two years later. I would have had one at 24 if I didn't have a miscarriage and he or she would have been two already. Plus we have supportive families. They help us with our kid when we need it. Neither of us would be able to raise a kid on our own. But together, yes. When he is hurt, no. In the future, no since his feet condition will keep getting worse unless we have a part time nanny. For a while I was unsure about having kids because of my husband's seizures and feet. But he said we would work something out and we have his parents and mine were wanting to move out here. They have been talking about it for at least five years now and are finally moving out this week. But mom would still have to go back because she still has to work until she gets a new job out here I hope.