For adults how did you tell your family abt Aspie diagnosis?

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I'm just curious if there's anyone here who was diagnosed as an Aspie as an adult, and if so, how did you go about telling your family? Did you just come right out with it? Did you wait a while? Did you talk to your parents first before you went to a therapist?

I just keep waffling back and forth on whether I should tell my parents prior to my diagnostic appt on Monday, or if I should wait and tell them afterwards, what the outcome is. I guess I worry that prior, my mother will say, "don't be ridiculous, you don't have Aspergers & anyone who tells you otherwise is wrong." Whereas if I tell her afterwards, I worry that she'll think I was trying to intentionally keep something from her & instead of giving her some time to deal with the fact that I "might" be an Aspie, she'll be forced to immediately deal with the fact that I am.

I am NOT a good secret keeper, so this has been very difficult not telling her I have this appointment. Plus I think I may be seeing my parents this weekend, and with my test on Monday, I know that's what I'll be focusing on all weekend.

I'm interested in this one, I can't get diagnosed officially for certain reasons but am 99.9% sure. So far I've only told 3 people what I suspect, the two mates (who led me to suspect I had it) and cousin (nice, kind, religious and intelligent (sort of the odd white sheep of the family) the first two laughed and said they'd looked it up and agreed 110% my cousin was quite hostile about it saying that I wasn't autistic (think she meant rain man levels).

Am hoping my cousin reads the links I sent her and gets a better understanding. Which ever way I'd have some simple literature to give them as even my mom who works for the mental health doesn't really know anything about AS. Have to say you've summed up the options well but I know from my mom that whichever you pick it'll be the wrong one but hiding things hurts them more as they feel they should be there to help you (at least in there mind they help, reality is usually a different mater) I had this conversation with depression.

I was officially diagnosed by a clinical psychologist about 4 months ago. My family doesn't believe it, though. Some have come out and told be bluntly it was hogwash. Some were more politically correct and said, Good luck." Since no one has asked be about it I'm guessing they all probably doubt it. That's okay though. I've found my family -- Wrong Planet. I couldn't be more thrilled.

I told my partner and my mother when I self-diagnosed. Neither was very well received. Then I got a real diagnosis, and they believed. Then my mother read up on it and realized my being autistic explained 95% of the bad behavior, horrible fights, emotional detachment, etc. etc. etc. She's gone from being partly convinced to wanting to take me under her wing again and protect her special child from the world. What a reversal.

My partner was shocked, angered, other emotions, but recovered quickly enough. I think the official diagnosis helped her too.

I didn't worry about telling the rest of the family. My mother took care of telling her side of the family. She always tells them everything about me, even secret stuff. So telling her saved me the effort.

I'm not telling dad or his side of the family, unless it comes up some time. I don't think would handle it or even accept it.

My mother knows that I've got "problems" (I was treated by psychiatrist and psychologist from I was teen, with a lot of her help), so she was very happy when I found specialist who precisely define the source of my problems and began therapy which brings effects.


I've got big problem with my brother and his fiancee - I don't know how she reacts on brother-in-law with autism-spectrum
I really don't know...
They've got really nice relationship, and I don't want to spoil it

My aspieness is something that I keep to myself. My current partner is the only other one to know about me. I keep these things to myself and especially never told any of my family, although this is a moot point now since they are all gone.

I sort mentioned it in passing to my mum. We went out for dinner (it was my parents 25th) and the subject came up.

She then announced it on Facebook. (as did I) Thanks mum.

I haven't told my parents about my ASD diagnosis.

They also don't know that I've been treated for depression & anxiety for the past 12 years.

Or that I've been sporadically self harming since I was a teenager.

My parents (mum especially) believe that all mental health problems can be solved by talking and that you should never disclose or ask for help from a medical professional. They also like to dismiss particular things about my experiences ... Like I have a book on my bookshelf called "the Introvert Advantage" and on seeing it my mum said "Oh, but you're not *really* that introverted". I believe they would be the same with my ASD diagnosis hence why I haven't told them.

My parents were a part of the diagnosis, as they were asked about my developmental history. I am a terrible secret keeper as well, and told my mom that I believed that the psychologist suspected Autism. Unfortunately, that affected my mom's report on my social history to sugarcoat the truth.

I called my dad as soon as I found out the diagnosis. I told him not to tell my mom. I later let my mom read my report, but only after a few months.

To be honest, I kind of wish that I could only tell my dad but not my mom. But they tell each other every little thing that I tell them. If I could redo it, I would keep it a secret from my family. It has only caused me trouble.

I was also outed by my mom. She told me not to tell my dad's family because it was my secret to keep, but then afterwards, behind my back, she told my aunt on her side that I had it. I then assume that my aunt told my cousins, and word got around. And, mom, it really helps to say "I hope you don't mind" after not asking my permission to disclose personal information to relatives.

I was excited to tell my parents. My mom said, "well that explains a lot! I've always sort of suspected." They were really happy about the peace that it gave me... they have never, ever had a single negative thing to say. My brother, on the other hand, bullied me relentlessly. Sort of sad for a 32 year old.

Even though my mother was the first person in my family to use the word "Autism" in regards to me, she denied it upon being questioned. But then she is the Queen of the Nile! <Sigh>
I have found plenty of evidence since that I was suspected of classical autism & probably dxed as "childhood schizophrenia" which was the more common term when I was a toddler. Various comments made by said parent suggests my ASD has always been kown but for some reason it was believed if I did not know my diagnosis it was NOT real. Hogwash! But the past is gone, no point in dwelling on it..
I still qualify for an AS dx but my history rules it out..
My friends were not surprised & very accepting. No one else has been told at this time, except a couple of my doctors.

Sincerely,
Matthew

My mom had heard about Asperger's so she suspected I had traits of it, and when I was getting the diagnosis, my parents told the psychologist more about what I was like as a child, and even gave the names and addresses of former therapists, and I signed consent to have them provide records to help with the diagnosis. Even as late as 1994, one therapist said that "if there were a thing as a little bit autistic" that would fit me, as that person hadn't heard about Hans Asperger's work just yet. The thing is that my family wasn't surprised at all when I finally got the Asperger's diagnosis as they suspected it for some time. At least one great grandparent is thought now to have had traits as well, but she died before I was born, so I never met her.

The initial response was mixed. My mom said" But you're the most caring person I know! How could you be autistic?" I had to explain to her that it was cognitive empathy I was lacking, not affective empathy. I am still in the self-diagnosis stage at this point but my mom has since come around to say it makes more sense than ADHD does. She has helped me start to piece together my childhood and see where the pieces fall. From the limited time we have spent talking about it, I can definitely make a good case for it with my 5 year old self.

As for the rest of my family, I suspect my step dad is on the spectrum and me and my mom both think this. He too is not an uncaring person but has an odd approach, sensory issues and stims. While we were discussing it, he was sitting there, rocking in his chair and we both had a chuckle. So far as anyone else goes though, I do not want to bring it up with them just yet. My grandfather is in his mid 90's and a very bitter, condescending, self-centered man. He does love me but is hard to communicate with (I suspect he too may be on the broader phenotype from what I know of his life's story.) I wonder if my mom married my dad (step dad in reality but dad to me) because people tend to marry a copy of a parent. My aunt is sort of nuts and I don't think she would "get it", so I won't tell her either.

I've had a neurological diagnosis (Minimal Brain Dysfunction, a popular diagnosis in the 80s) since I was 4-5, so my parents always knew there was something neurologically different with me. I went back to the place where I had been treated as a child when I was 21 and suffering from really bad depression and they immediately started talking about asperger. I told my parents after the first suspicions and they took it pretty well, they even gave me money to go to a psychiatrist to get the official diagnosis. Nowadays, my parents are ok with my as and my aspie activism on the surface, but there are still some behavioral issues that my mum simply can't accept.

My family knew I was an aspie much before I did.

About 2 months after I discovered AS, I emailed my mom about my suspicions. She seemed to take it pretty well. She didn't flat out reject the idea and she agreed that I have several of the symptoms. She said that the only way to know for sure is to see a psychiatrist about it. She's known about my social issues and that I have a hard time talking to people face to face sometimes so I don't think she was too surprised that I started thinking there's something going on with me.