Did your parens ever try to limit or remove your obsessions

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MagicMeerkat
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04 Aug 2011, 11:58 am

The worst I ever got was when my mother took away my access to the computer and made me earn my time on it. Half an hour for every hour in school without a fuss. It was unfair and just made me even more agressive and moody. I NEEDED to work on my home made video game to decompress. Eventualy my parents realised this was creating more harm than good so they let me use it whenever I wanted again. But I still had my meerkat stuffed animals and my books about them and stuff. If my parents took those away, I probably would have commited sucide. My mom was always telling me I needed to "widen my horizons" when it came to meerkats but eventualy she just gave up trying to make me normal and became a meerkat expert herself. I also got flack for my Lion King obsession as a kid. Not only from other kids but from my parents as well. I wonder if this is why I am so relctant to share my new Sonic obsession with anyone. My mom eventualy found out and is always asking me why I don't look for Sonic shirts when I go out to the mall. Mostly because I can't find any and when I do, they don't fit. Actualy the only thing I've seen was a hoodie at Hot Topic with old school Sonic on it. I don't really like old school Sonic. Sure you can only listen to Jaleel White so many times without your ears bleeding but there's just something about the look of old school Sonic that creeps me out. I think it's because he dosen't have any irises. After the chilli dog, he's going to eat my soul! I thought I was supposed to be freaked out by things that have too much detail in the eyes. Oh well, maybe it's because he's an animal and animal eyes never bothered me no matter how detailed they were. Anyway, I wonder if I am subconciously afraid of getting scolded or scorned for my new Sonic obsession so that's why I am so reluctant to share it. As I said, when I was a kid, Lion King was my main special intrest. Guess where my meerkat one came from? I saw several phycologists who told my mom not to let me have anything Lion King related and to NEVER LET me talk about it. As I said, this would have driven me to sucide. My mom would cancel all further appointments once a shrink suggested that. My mom insists that it was a good thing to teach me that she needed a break from hearing about Lion King or meerkats or whatever for so many minnutes. I rememember this. I was allowed to talk about anything but the one thing I wanted to talk about. I felt so bad and even started to resent my mother. I wanted to die. Making my own video game helped me stop talking about my obsession so much because the computer never told me to shut up about it. So yes, in a way, my mom did limit my obsession and make me earn it. I got so depressed and agressive, I had to be hospilized. I really had no idea why I was there at the time. They asked me what was wrong and I told them my computer was broken. One guy said, "Why do you kids depend so much on tvs and computers?" Ummmm maybe because they don't give us flack about our passions like you do? Anyway, when I finnaly got home, things just got worse. My parents eventualy got the computer fixed and let me use it whenever I wanted. Things improved once and for all when my brother made them get me off the "medication" I was taking that was slowy killing me both mentaly and physically. But anway, did your parents ever try to get you to give up your obsessions? If so, how? What did you do about it? And did they ever back off and why?


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wavefreak58
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04 Aug 2011, 12:02 pm

My mother tried to remove my head once. Does that count?


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SammichEater
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04 Aug 2011, 12:06 pm

My parents tried to limit and regulate my computer and video game time when I was younger. Needless to say, it failed. :)


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animalcrackers
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04 Aug 2011, 12:18 pm

When I was 9 my mom put parental controls on the TV so I couldn't play video games (it was pretty much all I did)....but she took them off because I had threw massive raging tantrum that lasted the entire day (I was not well-behaved at all, and my tantrums would just keep going and going whether anybody paid attention to me or not). My parents sort of gave up trying to set limits on the things I did when I was little....just to minimize the amount of rage they had to deal with.

I don't recommend throwing tantrums as a strategy for dealing with parental limit-setting, though....it would be better to try to explain how your obsession serves a purpose in your life: makes you happy, relieves stress etc.

You could point out that obsessions often become careers for people later in life, and that a lot of the things that you do when you're engaged with your obsessions actually help to develop different learning skills that can be applied to other things later.....the way that I tend to compile organized, quantifiable data about things I take an interest in was really helpful in my last job (I was sort of like a walking, talking resource-booklet).



ThilieChristine
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04 Aug 2011, 12:24 pm

That's seriously awful. Why would anyone limit something you cannot control? That's like how my sisters having tourettes but my dad would be like "knock it off" I seriously don't get why parents are so dense. I know my boyfriend collects things but his dad would get rid of them which is bad too. That upset him. I let my boyfriend have all his obsessions because they make him happy and that's just who he is. People try to limit my obsession with Lady Gaga but whatever. I think my boyfriend gets hurt too when his mom zones out his rambling on about an obsession. He shares it for a reason. I understand that it's his Autism and it is hard to hear him go on and on about something I don't care about or like but I know I'm really lucky that he opens up to me and shares that. It's important to me that he does feel close enough to share his interests with me. Even though they're mundane to me, they're awesome to him and that's okay. I love him. I'm really sorry your mother couldn't have been more understanding of you.



League_Girl
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04 Aug 2011, 12:49 pm

Mom took computer away for two weeks when I was 17. I had anxiety inside me and stimmed more and felt lost and empty inside. She didn't care.


Mom took video games away when I was 11 because she felt my brothers and I were playing them too much. She even hid the controls because she caught me playing them. She always go "Caught ya" and laugh and I get off. Then finally she took the controls and hid them. I didn't really feel lost inside. Video games wasn't something big then. Same as if she took computer.


Mom took away my obsessions like Home Alone, Jurassic Park, 101 Dalmatians but I always had them in my head and day dreamed about them. I am sure it had impact on me but didn't have the self awareness. But I didn't share my obsessions with everyone because I was made fun of for how I talked and I was made to be ashamed of them anyway.

Then she stopped taking them away when I was 12 because they relaxed me she said and kept me calm. I just wasn't allowed to talk about it.



Twolf
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04 Aug 2011, 2:57 pm

I was criticized and called "obsessed" for drawing dogs (mostly GSDs) and posting them on my wall. I became reluctant to share any of my interests soon afterwards. Personal items (and it always seemed to be the ones I cared about most) were taken without my permission and given away. *sarcasm alert* Fun times.

Funny thing is, I don't recall anything being said about my plane obsession or computer obsession.

I know my parent backed off when I became an adult because there was nothing she could do about it anymore. : )



OJani
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04 Aug 2011, 3:33 pm

Not really. Perhaps I wasn't so obsessed with any of my special interests that would have induced such a move, or my parents were indeed of that likable kind who had never meant any harm to me, or they thought my interests would be to my advantage in the future. Maybe all. I had been scolded many many times though every time I indulged myself too much in one of my ongoing obsessions. But most of it had practical reasoning behind it, as I had to do my homework, go to school, help with household chores, go for shopping, take a walk with my family, go to the playground, sit down at the table and have a meal, go to sleep, and so on.

I remember once I got obsessed with an early computer game for which I acquired an immortality code (Manic Miner on ZX Spectrum, if someone can remember that gem) so much that it made my mom pretty mad at me... Despite this episode, my parents had never decided to take computers or any other objects of my obsessions away from me. I always felt that they had never listened to me as much as I would have preferred when I was talking about my obsessions but there were times when they really tried to show interest in my stuff only they weren't interested in them the slightest...

When I was in playing very much with that old R2R tape recorder and talked about amplifiers frequently, craving for one, my mom told me I should have helped the sound technicians at school but I wasn't inclined. To be honest, we didn't have any computers, nor any decent audio equipment at that time, simply because they were beyond the budget. The computers, the first home computers before the PCs, were always borrowed from somewhere.


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Last edited by OJani on 04 Aug 2011, 3:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.

CockneyRebel
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04 Aug 2011, 3:33 pm

My mum criticized me for the time that I was listening to Kinks songs on You Tube the week that I was staying at her place which was a big mistake. I should have stayed at my place and worked that week.

It blew up in her face the morning that she picked me at Langley Memorial after I spent the night in emergency. I told the counselor at the hospital that I'm not taking any obsession pills to dampen my special interest and I can dress like The Kinks did in the 60s all that I want. The counselor told my mum everything that I told her and than my mum backed off.

I was going through a transition to an earlier and more healthier stage and I was shocked. An ex-friend of mine also told the paramedics that I'm obsessed with The Kinks. My mum really backed off and let me do what I wanted after that.


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LuxoJr
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04 Aug 2011, 3:38 pm

Not really. My mum just tried to get me to stop stimming. She kept calling them "bad habits," which, I mean, I guess they are. But she thinks I can just stop all of a sudden. I tried for a week, once, and that didn't go too well.
Other than that, she encouraged me to pursue my interests, thinking I could make something out of myself in whatever I followed.


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imcaptainkirk
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04 Aug 2011, 5:52 pm

Yes, my parents were very touchy about me ordering lots of things over the internet. That's part of the way I operate. I buy up to 5 things a week sometimes as I get sporadic periods of inspiration. My obsession of art meant I would order DVDs, books and paintings and so on and at the same I'd get rid of old ones I no longer liked. They feared I was wasting money. Luckily I've now moved out and we get along better seeing each other once a month and talking on the phone.



byakuugan
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04 Aug 2011, 6:17 pm

Most of the people I've lived with have tried to limit my computer time. They would tell me that I am not going anywhere, I need to strive to be something. It was only recently that they accepted that it is my identity on the internet that will allow me to be something.



trappedinhell
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04 Aug 2011, 6:21 pm

I've never understood the idea that parents must fight their children - opposing them, controlling them, mistrusting them. It seems the normal way though. Whenever I hear about parenting people always talk about control - it makes no sense. Surely the purpose of parenting is to bring the kids up to make good decisions on their own? And to be happy? Neither purpose is served by treating them as the enemy.

I have three children and they seem to be doing well - they were all top of the class, they all have friends. I never told them what to do or stopped them doing anything. But what I did do was always give them plenty of time.

I only ever had two rules for parenting:
1. give them lots of time (so they know they are your top priority)
2. if you say you will do something, do it.
Everything else just follows naturally. As an adult I had more experience and money than them, and was bigger of course, and I put their interests first, so I was like their ideal friend. So obviously it made sense to them to listen to me and follow my suggestions and ideas. You don't have to force your will on someone if they can plainly see it is in their interest to follow you. Kids are not stupid.

I think a lot of parents don't like their kids much, or maybe it's the NT thing about fighting is good. I don't know. Other people's parenting just never made sense to me.



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04 Aug 2011, 6:32 pm

yes. they also tried to beat the autism out of me. Thirty years later, I still have scars to show for it. For example, I can see the scars on my left pinky finger, as I type, where my hand was slammed in a door on purpose becuase they we're trying to stop a certain behavior.



imcaptainkirk
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04 Aug 2011, 6:40 pm

Cash__ wrote:
yes. they also tried to beat the autism out of me. Thirty years later, I still have scars to show for it. For example, I can see the scars on my left pinky finger, as I type, where my hand was slammed in a door on purpose becuase they we're trying to stop a certain behavior.


Parents physically assaulting their children is one thing I have no tolerance for. It never works and it's barbaric. I hope they're brought to justice.



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04 Aug 2011, 6:47 pm

My parents were both downright abusive when it came to my interests. My father was particularly horrible, as he'd frequently threaten to take everything away and destroy it, and on at least one occasion (that I recall) he actually did throw my stuff into the car and drive off with it. My ex was extremely hostile to every part of my interests that did not intersect with her interests - I remember once she took the modem out of my computer and hid it - which lasted for all of the day or so it took me to find it again.

My father was abusive in multiple other ways, especially related to my inability to function in school - because to him I was lazy, oppositional, defiant, etc. because I could not do what he demanded of me. I even remember going through phases of trying to figure out what he wanted me to do and severe "people pleasing" behavior that I have not entirely eliminated. He accused me of lying so much when I told the truth I started telling him lies because I thought it was the "right" answer he wanted to hear.

It is kind of amazing to me that I do not have PTSD.