Limits

Post Reply New Topic

Okay, so after reading these forums for about a year now I see a lot of us overcoming limitations and a lot of us being limited and accepting those limitations.

What I want to ask the community is this: Do you keep pushing yourself past your limits? Do you know what your limits are? Do you function within the limits of your autism spectrum disorder or do you exceed them, and why?

Example> I trained to be a chef because I absolutely am not any happier than when busy cooking. There are so many limits that my Asperger's places on me for this profession: multi-tasking, interpersonal relationships (not only getting promoted but also dealing with a wide range of personality types where you're almost a psychiatrist to work with some of them), sensory issues (some of the most noxious smells in the world come out of a restaurant kitchen... I'm looking at you grease trap under the dish washing machine), constant stress and pressure to perform beyond your capabilities (and often moral code, as in, "just get the food out!" blech), manual dexterity (I'm afraid every time I use my knife even though I have professional level skill) amongst many other factors.

Am I a moron to keep trying to work in this industry!? I feel like 90% of the job is taking s**t and 10% is doing what I love to do, which I can do at home at my own pace with better results.

The stupid part is, I'm really, really good at cooking! So it's like, do I push past the rest of the stuff to keep doing something that is just too challenging for me in the other respects for that 10%?

Have you all had experiences where people either told you or you realized yourself that you're very limited in job occupations and everything you think to do your mind says, ' you can't do that b/c of your ASD?'.

Is this a psychological or philosophical problem? I mean, it's supposedly GOOD to push past your limits, otherwise you won't grow, right? but what if the rigidity and resistance to change make it physically impossible to GROW through pushing past limits? I mean, to me, a limit is a black line I cannot cross (inflexible thinking), so they're very real. I would like to do so many things but they're all nice IDEAS and when I start thinking about HOW it's like WHOA>>>>>>

Can anyone relate to this? Have you gone past your limits to be employed in a field that isn't meant for us, or stuck with something even when you don't think you can do it? I hear about people succeeding but these are like 1-2% of our ASD population (Bill Gates, for example). What does it take to push past limits for us?

Thanks in advance for any thoughts on this dilemma.

My whole life is lived at the very limit of what I can cope with. For me, it's not ideal but I've got into this situation now and I can't get out of it. I'm not sure it's very sustainable for me to live this way. That doesn't mean that it isn't possible for you. I don't know what to advise - I haven't found a magic formula, I just keep pushing and pushing myself and somehow I just manage to go on.

I am very bad at recognising my limits until I've gone too far past them and fallen apart as a result. I have a good job which I enjoy but I regularly end up pushing myself past my limits because I simply don't recognise them.

I wish to God I was still able to do this. Anxiety has it's roots deep in my psyche. I wonder if ultimately recognizing limits is what actually ends up limiting you?

I try to think I dont have limits

Does that work? Reality has a pesky way of reminding me of my limitations (lost jobs, bad grades, no friends, etc.).

Is this more of a perspective issue? I think I'm not limited, therefore I'm not limited? Woooh love Descartes, btw. Anyway back to topic.

I know I have limits but I dont like to think about them.

That was me up until retirement, but now I'm calling my own shots as much as I can. Decades of stressing and depleting my energy to fit in have taken their toll on me physically and emotionally. I'm fed up, and I have health issues I'm going to take care of. Anyone doesn't like it, the door is there (points). I'm joking, but really that's become my attitude.

The only limits I have are in the perceptions of those around me in the past who insisted I be a certain way regardless of who I really was. I'm finished apologizing and struggling to fit in - when I never really did anyway. People still sensed my difference, no matter how I tried to conform.

As a human being I have limits that all humans have, in being kind even when I'm overwhelmed, in realizing what others need from me, in knowing myself, and in surviving day to day in our modern (insane) world.

The limits that relate to ASD are something I'm learning to accept - at the same time I learn what they are. I overcame some of them long ago without even knowing what ASD was. I got through school although I hated the social aspects and bullying, I learned to drive even though I was terrified to learn (I had to), I moved out of my parents' house and supported myself (I realize this is even harder today than when I was young, it's too expensive even for a lot of NT young people), I got married even though I never thought I'd find someone who would want me whom I would also want, I managed to make a living and even advanced further than I was told I could without a degree, I bought a house. I learned how to make friends, though I was never accepted as quite normal or ordinary (which might be a good thing). I accept the fact that I will never have lots of friends, and since I feel less stress without the obligations of friendship, I'm fine with that. I love my alone time, thrive on it.

Now I know I can do those things. Still, some of them stress me to the max so I avoid them except when absolutely necessary. I'm okay with that.

Of course I continue to work on growing as a human being, but with a much greater acceptance of who I am naturally. I like myself better, and I treat myself better these days.

I don't enjoy not being able to recognise my limits because of the effects when I unknowingly push past them (which can be dramatic and affect my health and always come as an unpleasant surprise).

I do think for some people knowing their limits does limit them. I'd like to think if I were able to recgnise my limits that it wouldn't falsely limit me ... I would work close to those limits so that the limits could expand (I'm like fabric can stretch for example).

I think of it as being like the "limit" I have on surviving underwater. That's not actually a sharp line: I can hold my breath for a minute or so, and if I trained myself in it I'd be able to extend that a bit. I could also use a prosthetic device to get past the limit. It would not be a good idea for me to apply for a job intended for a fish (if there was such a thing), and if I ignored the limit and behaved as though training and willpower could grow me a set of gills, I would drown. That doesn't mean I need to shy away from all activities involving water.

I can "survive" in a social situation where I have to appear NT for approximately as long. Maybe I can extend it a bit with practice. I can extend it much more with a prosthetic device (the computer). I know from experience, though, that if I try to "hold my breath" too long, I'm in trouble, and no amount of effort will change that.

So with the job, I would say: since you like the work itself, try to find ways to minimize the parts that are a problem and keep them to a tolerable level. You can also work on your own skills in dealing with them but that will probably not be enough alone because your wiring is what it is. Perhaps look for another cooking job with fewer co-workers to deal with? Start a small business involving cooking? I don't know enough about the specifics, but I run into similar problems with some aspects of working as a teacher, and some teaching jobs are more aspie-friendly than others (I hear higher grades and private schools are better than public elementary schools, and I know tutoring is easier).

Edited to add: I don't push my limits for the sake of pushing them, but in order to do what I want in life I keep running up against them and am forced to find ways to compensate.

It is probably for the best to curtail that environment. In the long run you may be better off.