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Hi, I don't know if I should be posting this here.

I'm pretty desprit right now, after a lifelong struggle with some mysterious issue I've come to a realization about aspergers recently and how things for once make sense.

The few people who are in my life don't think I have it and I'm not getting my hopes up about being tested properly or understood by the mental health professionals I'm scheduled to see in about a month.

It's especially down to the last of what I can take of this since I have a baby and a 3 yr old to care for on my own, my husband and I sent able to be together because of immigration, ( I think he has asperges too , we met online and had a special bond, if it wasn't for him I couldn't see myself ever getting married)

I need help with this but I feel like I'm going to end up in a mental hospital or something not being able to function anymore.

I wanted to come on here and see what people who are living with this condition might have to say about my story.
I have sort of like analogies for what I feel like...

It's like life is a movie and when you are born you get casted into it with your role as a part of humanity, it's like I got missed or something so I'm here and I belong here I'm just not really involved, I'm like an observer in this movie and I can see everyone has this like unwritten understanding but I only can see the written stuff and although I excel at it I'm tormented with lonliness. If I don't do all the right stuff I learned then I interior the movie.

I feel like a child in my identity I'm most comfortable around the elderly and I feel odd.

When things don't work right or make logical sense I turn into a baby.

I pace circles around things excessively.

I use to be obsessed with drawing and designing home layouts and interiors, polly pocket, where's waldo, kinder surprised
.
Obsessed with organization, patterns, structural correctness.

Hearing sensitivity.

Weird walk.

It like goes on and on and like, I'm 28 yrs old. I can hardly function anymore.

The few people who think you don't have it are probably in denial. If you explained to them what Asperger's is and they still don't think you have it, then it probably is denial, or maybe they just don't understand it. They are not professionals. If you are going to be seeing professionals to be tested, then I'm sure you will be tested properly, at least I hope so. I haven't ever been tested by professionals to find out if I've got it or not, so I can't say for sure, but professionals should be able to find a solution for you.

Once you have a diagnosis after being tested, then it should be possible to find help with taking care of your kids. You're not going to be locked up in a mental hospital, but with a diagnosis, you will be able to get some extra help to make life more bearable.

I can relate to a lot of what you said. I'm even almost the same age as you!

I used to feel like I was some kind of ghost or fairy living in the world, observing the world, but not actively PART of the world.

I also have a special/weird connection with my husband, like we are living in the same other-realm together. It's part of why I married him. I didn't want to get married to anyone before I met him. When I started to learn more about Asperger's and autism for myself, I began to realize he had a lot of the traits too, so we are probably both on the spectrum.

It can be really tough trying to maneuver through life with these feelings while also trying to take care of children who depend on you (I don't have kids yet, but I know people who do). I'm sure it's tough, but hang in there! You already have an appointment with people who might be able to help you cope with Asperger's and your troubles. If their answers don't satisfy you, you can keep looking for help elsewhere. The people in your life who know you are not doctors, are they? How are they supposed to be accurate judges who does or doesn't have Asperger's?

Have faith in your own intuition and in your ability to set things right for yourself. Forgive yourself for getting stressed out or pacing around sometimes. It will be ok.

Thanks, I think I'm having fears about setting things straight because of living in like a strange and lonely reality for so many years and how it's effected me, speculations sort of hurt my feelings now. Well it's sort of like not having a knee and people just keep saying you just don't walk properly and need to walk properly and try to explain how to walk .

I've always walked in circles, sort of in a trance at times and it helps me deal with things like making sense of reality, I think I've caused my own partial scoliosis because it's always been like a compulsion. I do it more now than ever because I don't have time to focus intensely on such interests as build modes in tycoon video games and the sims ( I don't like the actual game just the building part) my interests have always been severely limited to things such as this.

Sometimes I need to do something, make dinner or do laundry and then before I start I realize that I've done about a dozen laps around the kitchen table and wonder how I got there kind of and I then I get stressed like I know I need to make dinner but can't focus.

I'm good at pushing myself, I'm very responsible, my stamina is running out I think. It's like I'm not "here" anymore.

II have religious beliefs so I think it makes it harder because I struggle to experience empathy and to express feelings and understand others, and yet I have a conscience and my conscience is feeling even more pressure.

Although some of the details vary, I can relate to your general experience, including the fact that I have religious beliefs. I am still not formally diagnosed, but that doesn't matter (at least to me).

Just understanding myself and what I'm trying to overcome has helped me to work out strategies so that I can function - somewhat - better. I am not perfect, and never will be. But I've made progress I never thought I would, now that I know listening to everyone else's opinion of what's wrong with me and trying to fix that is not the answer. It takes time to figure out how to deal with who you really are; I finally understood who I was two years ago, and I'm still working things out. But I've made progress, especially in the last year.

As far as religious beliefs go, I've found that even the best intentioned NTs still put an NT spin on everything, even that. The real truths are broader - and while you may struggle more with some things, you'll notice you have an easier time with others. I'm deliberately not going into detail because I don't want to shove my own beliefs down your throat if they are something you'd disagree with, but that is a general overview. It's a matter of shifting perspectives.

If you have any specific questions, or need specific help, I don't mind trying to help you as I can - but since I have my own executive function issues, can't promise I'll be on top of it right away. And on the matter of religious beliefs, I'm a Christian, so if your beliefs are different from that, you presumably wouldn't want my input.