Today my boss was very harsh

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So today my boss called me into his office and began to tell me (I am 3 months into the job)

- I am not good at what I do
- I have 45 days to improve or I am fired
- My contributions to the team are not worth anything
- My managers and peers do not like or respect me
- I come across as direct and people are put off by me
- My inability to sit still irritates him and he demands I stop doing that
.. and much more.

I nearly walked out of the office and quit. Not only was he extremely angry when he was talking but none of his comments were true as I get along great with my peers and they have asked me to contribute more as my suggestions are helping them do better in their jobs.

I believe he was angry at me as 2 days ago I went to human resources and asked them to have him stop touching me. He would walk by daily and give me a mild "punch" to the shoulder when he wanted my attention. It caused anxiety for me all day and it needed to stop. I think he took that personally and decided to lash out at me.

It's possible that he's just pissed at you and wants "revenge". Obviously I can't say anything about whether you do a good job or not, but I have always had a problem with bosses (and I'm not even working, I'm talking only about internships).

Does he know of your diagnosis (if you have one)?

He can't fire you for not sitting still, by the way.

Time to look for another job. The longer you wait, the wider the resume gap.

I am very good at what I do, and I am able to command a high salary and have been able to for 12 years in my field.

No one knows I am AS, I don't feel it serves any purpose to tell them.

I need to ask a question, not judging.

Did you ask him to stop punching you
or

ask HR to ask him after he ignored you
or

go straight to HR and ask them to ask him

I might be reaching here, but it doesn't seem this job will last. Three months and he's already lecturing you like that. Believe me, he has someone else in mind for your position. All you can do is be on your P's and Q's and wait for 'The Day.'

Why did you go to HR instead of asking him? Going to HR and telling them to ask him to stop touching you sounds almost like he's sexually harrassing you, and that could cause him a whole lot of problems over something as innocuous as an arm punch meant in a friendly way. Saying something like "I've started a new workout program and my muscles are really sore, so please don't do that, it hurts to just be touched at all right now" would be enough.

If he got in trouble or had something put on his record for that, he's probably trying to find a way to fire you. If you didn't ask him to stop at least once before you went to HR about it, and I'm not trying to be mean to you here, but if that's the case, I really don't blame him. If someone worked for me and went over my head and got me in trouble for something that I didn't even know bothered them, I would do everything in my power to get rid of them before they got me in even more trouble for something else I didn't know bothered them.

If you did ask him at least once to stop, then that's different, but I do hope you told him that if he doesn't stop then you will go to HR. Otherwise, I seriously think I'd be on his side. How would you feel if somebody went to HR about you and you didn't know you were bothering someone to begin with? Or if they went to HR over something that you saw as completely harmless?

_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

OliveOilMum and Moondust
In the male world, to say "I've started a new workout program and my muscles are really sore, so please don't do that, it hurts to just be touched at all right now" is taken as an invitation to punch the speaker harder than normal and probably by every other male in hearing distance. It's not something I would do, but thats just how it works.

Not sure where you live, but...

If you are in the US, the HR dept should have an ADA (Americans With Disabilities) rep. And, if you have a legally recognizable disability, the employer CANNOT discriminate against you for problems caused by your symptoms.

Unless you want to quit, it's probably time to stand up for yourself. If they are that unhappy with your work, it should be THEIR responsibility to either make accommodations or find you a different position with competitive wages.

Otherwise, any further disciplinary action can be considered harassment (not just sexual) and would be grounds for a lawsuit for punitive damages, which could far exceed your salary.

I once said something complimentary to a woman at work (she was very shy and timid and I was trying to be supportive since I've been in her shoes) and found out third hand that she was very uncomfortable with it. She obviously read too much into what I said but all she had to do with tell me to my face to please stop and explain why and that would have been the end of it. Again, I was just trying to be supportive and had NO idea this bothered her because nobody else has ever seemed to be nothing short of happy to hear compliments in the past. If she come to my face I could have clarified and maybe she might have realize I wasn't hitting on her: just trying to be a helpful friend. Instead, I found out weeks later after several people were told (and you know how quickly gossip spreads) and she gave me no signs until a week later when she seem to be afraid of me for no reason. It was only an informal complaint but let me tell you if it ended up being a formal complaint against me, I would have made it my mission to get rid of her because people like that are unintentionally dangerous because companies tend to blow these things out of proportion.

Obviously this might not have been the case with the OP here (I don't know enough either way) but my boss does that to me too and while it bothers me a bit, it's not enough to say anything yet. If it gets to that point, I would ALWAYS go to him first in a respectful way and explain how easily I bruise due to a mild circulation problem and never to go HR unless he didn't stop after two requests first. You don't need even need to give a reason: you have the right not to be touched and all you need to do it to ask that be respected.

I went to HR because my "middle manager" when I informed her of the situation told me to address it with HR. I was following company protocol. My initial thought was to email him directly with a simple request but she advised against that.

I've already started the resume process and should be able to find something fairly quickly. It's an unfortunate situation but in the end I am going to be let go anyway so there's no sense investing much more of myself in time or energy or effort to fix something that will not be able to be fixed.

That sucks.
I kinda gotta go with OliveOilMum with fronting the punchy manager face to face I'd try and do it in private.
Easy to say I guess, I'm not in your shoes.

Good luck with the new job if things go belly up with the current one.