"low self confidence" instead of AS?

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I think that I have to find a new therapist. She is going way out of her way to try to convince me that I have low self esteem and low self confidence, and gets upset with me whenever I try to use a label (like Aspergers). I am trying to tell her that I am confused by non-verbal cues and that I do not know how to respond to them, therefore I make wrong assumptions and my friendships deteriorate. Her response is that my assumptions are supposedly correct, and that I am interpreting non-verbal cues correctly, but that I'm "doubting myself" and "assuming that I'm always wrong" and therefore I choose the wrong responses. She seems to think that when it comes to my friends and family, "I don't need people like that in my life" and that I need to find more "mature" friends.

I find it very difficult to believe that every single person I have ever met was too immature for me, and that I correctly assumed that their non-verbal cues were actually sending me a message that they want to withdraw from the friendship (my typical reaction to not being able to make sense of non-verbals).

Anyway, I'm actually having a lot of trouble making sense of my therapist now. She more or less told me that she would help me to learn to make sense of my interactions with people, but instead I feel like she's just pushing her theory on me. The only time she's helpful is when she explains a non-verbal "rule" to me, but half the time when she does that she goes on to suggest in so many words that the "rules" aren't all that important, but what really matters is how I perceive the world around me. I have no idea what she's talking about half the time!

Umm...should I dump my therapist? I set up an appointment with my GP, hopefully they can point me towards someone who can actually help me :/

Your therapist doesn't seem very helpful. I would pick someone new.

Change the therapist, it wouldn't get better.

Own experience, sadly.

Don't want to bring you down, but even a mediocre medical professional can tell if someone is in the AS spectrum by their facial expression alone. AS people just stick out and you don't have to be Jung to see it. Meanwhile, people with a very low self esteem do try to find a reason outside of their control (such as a neurological one) for their problems. After reading your post I tend to agree with the person that finished 5 or 6 years of college in the filed. Please, think more about it this. Nothing you said actually contradicts the professional opinion outside of your own subjective view of the matter.

This is a job for the Lab Pet, the Therapist Slayer, my alter ego. Never fear, the Therapist Slayer is here!

On the agenda, your 1st mission: Dump your therapist. No need to justify/explain, just ditch the lady. You can do oh so much better.

Now, I truly do not mean to be factious, really. Aspies invariably suffer from low self-esteem because we've been thrust into a world we are not suited for. (You're now ex-therapist is nuts, trust me).

Your 2nd mission: Find your niche and then work hard at it - then your self-confidence will change almost automatically. This is not easy, I know. But it's done it must done introspectively (sans the clueless therapist).

Last edited by LabPet on 08 Sep 2012, 10:50 am, edited 4 times in total.

Other people DO react to our ques. If your ques where "off", it could of very well of been because of your own perceived inability for socializing. There are many more shy people out there than there are autistic people.

No, this is clearly not possible in every case.

I am clearly HFA, with language delay and everything, but I don't have an extraordinary body language.

It is allways the best to get diagnosed from an autism expert to be sure, some autistic people are hard to recognice at first sight.

Thanks for the responses so far. I have plenty of other symptoms of AS along with this, by the way. Mostly sensory issues and melt-downs. I can see my therapists point, but wouldn't I feel like I have low self esteem if that were the case?

Absolutely. I know my self-esteem is low and it's from decades of being misunderstood, bullied, untrusted, etc. If you are missing clues and think the worst well that's textbook autism. We have a tendency to 'catastrophize' (worst case scenario: if someone rejects me they must hate me).

I'd recommend searching for a counselor that specializes in ASDs so they can work with you on coping with social unease.


Edited for accidental swearing.

Sounds like CBT, never did me much good either......and since it appears your therapist is stuck on that specific theory/method maybe it would be best to find another. But yeah the whole basis of CBT is 'change they way you think to feel better.' which in my opinion really only works for people who usually have it together but are maybe struggling with some depression and anxiety issues...but I guess it depends on the individual as well....but yeah it does not seem so good at helping someone with more complex and/or severe issues.

Also maybe you have AS and low self esteem, but if you don't feel you have low self esteem you probably do not...but it is certainly to have both AS and low self esteem or even social anxiety.

Hello:

First, I'd like to answer to the poster who mentioned facial expressions - while your feedback is well-intended, it seems apparent that there is plenty of literature about female's abilities to imitate social behavior and wear social masks - just food for thought.

That being said, in my own experience, I remember telling my therapist (before I twigged that I should be assessed for aspergers), that I 'just don't get the rules'. She laughed and told me that I 'can make my own rules. *insert name*'s rules'. That was not the least bit helpful and I felt that she really didn't get what I was trying to say, and I was right. I spend a lot of time with highly educated people - sorry, they are just people - some with certain talents, others not so much. We are all fallible. This may simply not be her strength. If you have a good relationship otherwise, you might just decide this is one thing she doesn't get and chalk it up to her own limitations - and just carry on. If you generally don't connect with her, and you have a choice, maybe you should try another. It is frustrating when someone who is supposed to be a 'support' misses the point. If she is getting upset with you, that is not a good sign. She could professionally disagree and offer you her opinion and advice, but to get upset is not appropriate on her behalf. Yes, she is human, but she is providing a professional service and you have a say in the matter.

The best to you, LM

Actually as far as I know there is no factual evidence that even a mediocre medical professional can tell if someone has AS by their facial expression alone.......so I'd like a source for this, to check the facts.

Also is there a reliable source for people with low self esteem trying to find reasons outside of their control for their problems? Because based on my experience it is more likely they would blame it all on them-self...not something outside their control.

Maybe you should think more about if you're posting accurate information or not, rather then trying to tell someone they are wrong for questioning a professional......professionals are not infallible.

Yes, medical professionals have their limits. One of witch is relying on statistics. They see a lot more patients that self-diagnose as AS without being on the spectrum than odd cases of people on the spectrum. So they are a little bit biased towards giving another diagnosis then AS, when the patient would like the later be the case.

But still, I don't see how your argument ultimately contradicts my thesis. Having a low self esteem and being "morbidly" shy ARE serious behavioral problems and should be identified as such for proper treatment.

I'm not sure what you are indicating, but psychiatry is not that easy that you could diagnose someone at first sight.
And also, so far I know have people with Asperger-Syndrome usually more motorical problems that those with HFA (including body language) and also autistic males than females are more obvious.

So especcially a lot of autistic females in the higher spectrum get missed because you can't diagnose them in a lot of cases at first sight.

If ASD would be so easy to diagnose, you wouldn't need autism experts in a lot of cases to find out correctly if someone is ADS or not (me includet, I got diagnosed by autism experts) and ASD wouldn't have been missed for decates in the psychiatry by nearly all cases.

Thank you all SO much for these responses, they really did help me a lot. I'm not sure if this makes a difference or not, but when I try to approach my issues from a NT perspective, nothing changes. Lately, I've been attempting to "manage" them from an autistic perspective, and I've made progress for the first time in my life. Also, chatting with everyone here on WrongPlanet has helped me to feel like I belong to a community that I can make sense of for the first time in my life.

I am trying so hard to find an autism specialist. I've contacted at least 8 or 10 sources so far in my area, with no luck. My next attempt is going to be to talk to my GP this week, maybe she'll know of someone to refer me to.

Exactly--the NT way doesn't work for you because that's not the way your brain's supposed to work. You've been trying to pound screws into the wall with a hammer, when they're obviously designed to work with a screwdriver. Unfortunately, in real life it's not so obvious as it is in your tool box.

I don't know whether you have AS, but if the same strategies that work for autistic people also work for you, then by all means use them! I would not be surprised if you turn out to be diagnosable as either autistic or something so close to it that many of the same things apply.

Maybe your former counselor was afraid of labeling you because she has a fear of labels--a fear that if you call yourself "autistic" you'll give up and declare yourself unacceptable and your abilities unimprovable. As you have experienced, though, it's just the opposite: The term "autistic" gives you a starting point from which to improve your abilities in your own way, instead of trying to imitate the strategies used by people in the average range of social ability, whose natural talents are different from your own. It's likely that continued success with learning new things will improve your confidence and self-efficacy.