Going On and On About A Subject

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Has anyone else ever been accused of going on and on about a certain subject, but when you look back it doesn't seem like it to you? I know a lot of people with AS have issues with fixation, but a lot of people seem to know that they do and just can't stop talking about it. I know with me, I know I fixate, but I don't think I talk about it that much only to find that no one agrees with me.

I have been told I go on and on about certain subjects, but I am always aware of that but can't be bothered to stop because I'm always trying to look for a realistic answer all the time. I go on and on about the people I'm obsessed with, and also things what make me angry or anxious. I am aware that I go on about it, but I don't always know when to stop.

Yes it happens to me where I think I've really only talking for a few moments but my mom will say "okay daydreamer84 , enough, too much information"!

Yes it happens to me all the time I am told to shut up or ignored to my face or walked away from.

I have been given this feedback before. I do not have a special interest or even restricted interests, so it happens with a wide variety of topics. For me, sometimes if I feel like people do not understand my point, I need to keep explaining it. And I'll keep explaining it, perhaps forever, until the person either refuses to talk to me anymore, or they just say "all right! all right! I get it!"

People don't have to agree with me, btw. They just have to state that they understand my POV. Sometimes, if a conversation "ends" and I still don't think they understand what I am saying, I will start it up again at a later time, even though I know I shouldn't because I know it will make them mad. I can really ruminate on stuff like this.

And other times I have a different, but related problem, in which I will repeat the same thing a number of times, with slight variations. I don't know why I do this, but I feel like I have to "finish." If I am not allowed to "finish" I will finish by myself (for example, continue the conversation on my own in the car). It's embarrassing when I realize I am doing it midway through doing it.

My husband will walk away from me. I have asked him about it and he said he doesn't know what else to do. Isn't there a better way than walking away? I wish I could escape sometimes. I really don't like the feeling of someone walking away on me.

My dad called me a magpie growing up. He had his faults, but at least I could sit down beside him and just talk. He laid on the couch a lot, so I suppose he wasn't going anywhere. And he was one of these people that could have the radio, tv and a book going at the same time.

I've been told I go on and on about things yet I find its NTs that go on and on more often then we do.

I do it too. I try not to, but sometimes I just find it difficult to be concise and to the point on a topic.

I realize that I do it, but only after I'm done.

The president of a company where I used to work once told me that I was never able to understand when I had got my point across in a discussion and would keep making the point over and over and over again until they would finally tell me very explicitly that they understood the point.

Even then, I often didn't stop.

My grandmother used to talk for hours........in the end I just relaxed and accepted that most of it wasn't going in. I'd kind of pretend to listen, which made me feel a bit guilty, but I figured that as long as I kept trying to make sense of a few words here and there, I wasn't completely disengaged.

It's not a completely black and white issue - the choice isn't between understanding every word and total shutdown. Even the best listeners will miss bits.

I'm happy to listen to long-ish monologues as long as the speaker has chosen material I can take an interest in, and delivers it in an easy-to-digest style - nice and clear, unprejudiced, credible, reasonably animated but not so over-the-top that it's distracting. But I can start to feel trapped if the speaker drifts away from those constraints.

It's a great help if I interrupt a monologue with my own questions. What happens if I silently let them rant, is that I keep thinking "I didn't get that last bit....oh dear, I'm losing track." But it's perfectly in order to stop the speaker and ask for a repetition of the part you didn't get. It helps because it makes the talk more "about me" and by asking questions I'm getting my brain to interact with the talk....I can't listen passively for very long. Even when I read a book, if I underline the bits I don't get and frame questions about it, even though I won't get answers, it helps me to absorb the material.

I knew a guy who would stop me ranting by asking a completely unrelated question as soon as I seemed to be talking too much. The question was always about me, so I didn't really mind.

Walking away can feel very hurtful to the speaker. Those teachers who were so angry with me for not paying attention in class weren't angry because I was losing out on my education. Their pride was hurt by the idea that they might not be as interesting as they thought they were.

So I think it's good, if a person must shut down, to at least explain the reason for it. Simply raising your hand might sort it. Or you could just say "sorry, you're overloading me. Let's get a cup of coffee and then we can try again."

Monologues don't work for most listeners, but I think it's far better to force it to be 2-way, even quite aggressively if need be, than to simply give up and either walk away or (even worse) to pretend to listen while walking away mentally.

For some reason it's not a cultural expectation to ask what the listener is into before launching into a subject. We can suddenly open up any can of worms we like, without any warning, and the expected polite response is to drink in every word and show appreciation and understanding. The speaker is expected to monitor the body language of the listener and temper their talking accordingly, but lots of people don't seem to know that, and it makes polite people feel trapped, so if they don't know any easy way through the problem, they have to be rude back and turn away.