Why don't parents understand...?

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My dad dragged me to a barbecue today with all his friends and he was wondering why I was being antisocial and doing nothing but texting. So, some kids showed up who were my age and my dad told me to go hang out with them...

Why does he think that just because kids are around my age, I want to hang out with them? And why does he feel that I'll have fun at his friends' houses? This is kind of rhetorical, I just wanted somewhere to vent. But can any of you relate to this?

Most people who do this are unaware that some people do NOT enjoy socializing (for long periods of time at least), simply because most people do enjoy it. They also tend to see intelligence as one-dimensional, so they don't realize that someone so smart otherwise could actually not know how to socialize. You could try going and "hanging out" with the kids for a bit (even if it's just observing), then once you get bored tell him what the kids were doing, and that it all bored you. Just an idea I had.

well at least you had a phone. when my parents went to their friends party's I would have nothing to do. most of the party's were on farms so I would go explore the property.

As that song goes "parents just don't understand".

Will Smith could tell you.....

All my parents friends have kids my brother's age (in their 20s) so I usually just sit in a quiet room with my laptop or a book. Though luckily my parents don't go to parties often anyway.

The one thing I absolutely can't stand about going to parties (not that it's as much of an issue now that I'm in college and can decide what I will and will not do) is having to answer the same questions OVER AND OVER again....what year of college are you in? What's your major? What are you studying? What classes are you taking?

ARGH!

Reminds me of being a kid. EVERY SINGLE TIME we went to a different persons house they would ask the same superficial questions. Even as a young child, I wanted someone to ask me out Saturn's moons or traffic light installations but it was always the same boring questions over and over and over again. As well, if I hear 'so, you must be good as basketball?' one more time I'm going to have a meltdown. The single most annoying question to ask a tall person and I heard it daily for years and years!

I think those people are simply being nice by asking these types of questions. Perhaps they think it will lead to further conversation. However, I also find such questions annoying. I can't tolerate a large group of people for very long. It would take me at least two days to recover from the experience. No one, unfortunately, can really understand our social difficulties and low toleration for "small talk".

ABSOLUTELY!...my mum used to force me to go out to social gatherings etc., but now she can only try (NOTE: She tries, but now just gives up)...my dad, too who is even more 'pushy' and insistent on me going to parties etc. than my mum is, has now 'backed off' me a bit more.

Don't worry about it; if you really don't want to go somewhere, tell your dad that you don't want to go...If he still doesn't listen and makes you go, then keep telling him that.- After a while, he will see that these situations stress you out, as my parents did...one thing I've learnt about parents in general is that they don't like to see their children suffer.

...I HOPE THIS HELPS!

If you were doing nothing but texting, that is still kind of socializing right? Anyway, the same thing happens to me for the most part. I usually get 'How was your summer?' and 'What did you do?' but I bet if someone told them to repeat my answers in a few days they wouldn't even be able to remember them. I know its convention, but still.

Way back when I was young, I used to sit cross-legged on the floor in protest about going to family gatherings. My Dad literally picked me up and set me in the car. When I got there, I glommed on to one of my cousins the whole time. My Mom still worries that I am not social. She worries that holing up with the things I like to do is a sign of depression or general unhappiness. I don't think that she likes or believes that I am quite happy at my own pace. The more I am pushed, the more I need to retreat. I think I see enough people - I get overwhelmed otherwise and then I am no good for anything. I have what I call my one-hour visiting cube - beyond that, I am done. It takes a lot of effort to visit in a way that accommodates other people, and frankly I get tired. They go on their merry way, and my day is out of sorts. I'm getting too old for that schtick.

Funny enough, I think an NT kid might respond similarly to how you did. After all, you didn't know those kids, and you were texting to people you did know. You WERE socializing. Your generation has become quite integrated with technology--texting and IMing and whatnot are often times the way you connect. I'm 29 years old and I'm among the oldest who grew up with technology; so while I'm still a little baffled at the way my mom doesn't understand what a text message is or my grandma still writes snail mail letters when she has e-mail available, I can understand somewhat that people do things different ways depending on their generation. Your dad is probably old enough to think that socializing only happens face-to-face, and that people can relate best to those their own age. The Internet has started to dissolve the age gaps; I've gotten to know people as young as twelve and old enough to get senior citizens' discounts, and I see eye-to-eye with them. Your dad's perspective and yours simply clashed. You're a teenager who prefers to communicate digitally; he's from an older generation who believes texting is antisocial. It's a pretty classic generation gap.

Sounds like nobody really got upset at anybody else, though--your dad didn't yell and you didn't cuss at him or anything. So maybe you can just let this go, agree to disagree. Maybe when he's calm and not annoyed with you, you can explain to him that texting really does count as socializing; it's a way to keep in touch with people that lets you both respond whenever you have a spare minute, to integrate them into your normal day. People who text a lot are more connected to their friends than people who don't. I guess he might not get it, but that wouldn't be unusual; just so long as he's okay with you being who you are, and you're okay with him being himself, there shouldn't be any trouble.