I don't care about social norms any more.

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For many, many years I have been trying to modify myself around others, to be more acceptable to other people, etc. I have tried to analyse every social situation and learn how to act in them. I have tried to understand social norms, gesticulations, facial expressions, tone of voice, other people's feelings etc.

I really don't care anymore.

I just want to be myself. I have Asperger's and I am going to take it as it comes.

I am not going to exhaust myself with trying to fit in.

I don't care if I ramble for ages, get people's emotions wrong, say inappropriate comments, come across as odd etc.

I am me and that's all I can be. Not someone else.

Does anyone else feel this way?

chances are these feelings of yours won't last very long

I think it's very strong of you that you've come to this point. No one can accuse you of not having tried, at any rate.

I hope you'll find the way of life you can be comfortable with. Just remember that sometimes things aren't what they seem... and sometimes things are not as bad as they seem.

I have never really tried to fit in; I guess I should consider myself blessed for having grown up with quirky relatives and eccentric friends. Being weird has always been my norm.

But I can relate to what you're saying here. Especially in the last 3 years or so, I've found that I was feeling somewhat guilty when I'd misunderstand certain social patterns- almost felt as if I were broken or incomplete. But I've learned -sometimes to my pain- that people can say one thing but mean the other, that thay can be hypocrites, sadists, manipulators. And that's not the crowd I want to hang out with, nor the kind of behaviour I want to emulate.

Beside those negative experiences, I've also had many people tell me that I should go out more, socialise more with other people, find someone to share hobbies with, be more social in general. I tried, and it just doesn't feel comfortable to me. So I stopped trying to be a social beast, and now I've never felt better than I do now, walking my own road.

My favorite Albert Camus quote:

Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.

LM

Yay for being blatantly quirky. I've found that just accepting that (I'm) autistic, and that I have strange quirks that other people may view as freakish or unacceptable has made life a lot easier. Self-acceptance works wonders.

Thank you everyone.

I am happier now that I can be myself.

Good for you SteelMaiden. I disagree that these feelings won't last very long. I suspect that for many aspies they underlie our clumsy facade.

We may occasionally feel the need to act NT...But mostly out of necessity.

Just do your own thing...

I'm NT and firmly believe that it's society that should change, not people changing to fit society.

I'm hoping that with time and education more and more people will "get it" that there are many types of people. My cynicism about human nature dampens that though.

Be yourself, but help others to understand what that means.

I find the overwhelming desire to be myself and not try to be normal.

I then get this overwhelming fear.

I can't describe it. I just have it.

Then, I get this weird sense of disappointed-ness that even if I acted like myself it wouldn't be a shock to anyone.

Then, I feel confused, alone, and different.


The cycle of trying to be comfortable with your autism.

Although I haven't always held this belief, I believe that people on the spectrum should have a choice whether to adapt to the demands of the "social world" or not, as long as they can navigate around it with success. Not doing so has immense benefits, at least from what I have seen in people who have made this choice. I am glad you've made a decision that is best for you.

I've stopped caring about social norms when I was around your age. It was the best thing that I've ever done for myself. I feel that it's important for everybody to have a chance to be themselves and do what works for them, today in the 21st Century.