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CyclopsSummers
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09 Sep 2012, 9:59 am

I have recently found that receiving compliments has a different effect on me than it used to when I was younger.

When I was younger, compliments on, for example, achievements in school, or on drawings that I made, or things in general, would make me feel very happy and good. It's related to how I suffer a bit of fear of failure, and am also a perfectionist as a result of that fear. I'm prone to insecurities, and compliments really used to lift me up.

These days, however, following a couple of years in which I saw myself fail to achieve certain goals that I had set for myself, I found that whenever someone is complimenting me on doing my work well, or making good progress in my courses, or on my knowledge on certain subjects, I find that it has the effect on me of shutting me down, like a clam closing its shell. I tend to get shy and brush the compliment off like I used to when I was younger, but instead of seeing the compliment as an impetus to continue on that road, I instead dwell on my insecurities and view the complimented achievement as an exception to the rule, that rule being that I mostly fail at things, and only succeed by extraordinary exception (making my successes almost like flukes).
Even online, I have been complimented on writing reports about activities I had done (mostly reviewing conventions, festivals and the like) and when some of the posters requested in advance that I write a report of a cultural festival, I just closed down completely and couldn't go through with it (because of the expectations).

On a related note, a second point on receiving compliments I'd like to discuss, is how you RESPOND to the person giving the compliment. I find that I usually brush it off (even if it made me feel great), or sometimes even fail to notice that it's actually a compliment in the moment itself, only realising that it was one in hindsight. I tend not to give a counter-compliment.

So, how is it with you guys?


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AngelKnight
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09 Sep 2012, 10:04 am

If I notice, I say 'thanks.' But if it's subtle enough I don't notice until someone points it out later. :oops:



TonyHoyle
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09 Sep 2012, 10:13 am

I'm always a bit worried they're being sarastic or about to follow it with 'but...' followed by tearing my work to pieces in front of me.

I think I don't get the facial expressions right either because they'll often immediately follow with 'no seriously.. I really like it'. The combination of the two issues cancel each other out :D



Last edited by TonyHoyle on 09 Sep 2012, 10:15 am, edited 1 time in total.

Radiofixr
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09 Sep 2012, 10:13 am

Yes I get the same way-I feel very undeserving and just want to hide. I do not like being the center of attention at all.


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Koi
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09 Sep 2012, 10:48 am

I don't really have the same internal reaction as you, but in terms of responding to the person complimenting?

It's really weird. I do want to be praised for my hard work, so I get it out there. And as soon as I get compliments I don't really know what to say other than thank you. I start to feel like there's no closure to it and I can feel a little empty or panicky. And many times I worry that people will think I'm just fishing for compliments (and am I?)



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09 Sep 2012, 11:16 am

I do not like to be complimented, in general. I feel very uncomfortable. I actually prefer when my boss passes my work off for hers and she gets complimented. I know that is probably weird, but it's what I prefer.

I have taught myself to simply smile and say thank you. It is not my natural inclination regarding how to respond, but I find if I try to deflect the compliment, people either feel the need to persist, or they think that I am fishing for more compliments.


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whirlingmind
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09 Sep 2012, 11:23 am

I feel very uncomfortable being complimented. I can't believe they really mean it, I suspect an ulterior motive and I over analyse why they did it. I'm very self-deprecating so it's hard to believe that when I see all my inadequacies that others can't too.


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Dirtdigger
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09 Sep 2012, 11:38 am

It's rare that I acknowledge a compliment and when I do it is just a thank you and nothing else having no feelings about the compliments.



Fiz
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09 Sep 2012, 11:55 am

I definitely say 'thank you' in order to acknowledge it, but otherwise I don't really expect them and have no ide how to respond to them. Afterwards, I think of how I could have responded better by paying the other person a compliment in return or being a bit nicer on top of saying 'thanks'.


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09 Sep 2012, 11:59 am

Compliments tend to make me feel embarrassed. I'm not sure why this is, but I've felt that way most of my adult life. I usually deflect the praise with some kind of dumb self-deprecating remark or just say "thank you" and change the subject. If someone compliments you are they expecting a compliment in return? I'm never quite sure how the exchange is supposed to work really.


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CockneyRebel
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09 Sep 2012, 12:15 pm

I like to respond with a simple thank you.


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Logicalmom
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09 Sep 2012, 12:23 pm

I was taught to say thank you and so I do. I get off the subject quickly.



The_Walrus
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09 Sep 2012, 1:33 pm

I came to realise a few years ago that a lot of compliments are simply white lies, so I acknowledge the compliment without letting it affect my view of myself.



Callista
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09 Sep 2012, 1:54 pm

"Thank you" seems to work. Sometimes you can even make the person complimenting you feel good that way. Warm fuzzies all around! :lol:


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btbnnyr
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09 Sep 2012, 2:05 pm

Compliments used to make me uncomfortable, because I didn't know how to respond to them, but I think that I have figured out a good response now. I usually say "Thank you" in a confident manner, not shy or embarassed, because there is nothing to be shy or embarassed about. I find that I like this particular response from people when I compliment them, so I give it out too. I also learned to compliment others. I used to not know how to do that, but now I realized that if I like something that someone made or something that someone did, then I should just tell them so directly. It makes eberryone happy and improves social relations for sure. And I am not faking anything, because I genuinely believe what I say. I have just learned to ackshuly get it out of my mouth now.



Joe90
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09 Sep 2012, 2:11 pm

I usually say thank you. Compliments have become important to me, because it helps with my self-esteem, since each time I get a funny look or a silly laugh from someone in public, it destroys me inside, so I appreciate compliments and reassurance, whether they might be lying or not. I find NTs don't really lie to me, because usually people who I trust give me compliments, and they're the ones who want to help me.


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