What if I just took a deep breath and become confident?

Post Reply New Topic

What if one day I just took a deep breath and said to myself, ''right, I'm going to be really confident from now on. I'm going to chat to people, even strangers, I'm going to just open my mouth and yak away, and just push my fears aside. I mean, how hard can it really be?''

What would happen? Would I have the guts? Would it really be doing the right thing? Would it just encourage ridicule, or would it get people talking to me, whether they think I'm weird or not? Because I know of weird people (who are very weird, not Aspie weird), and they still get people chatting to them. I think the timid, meek people like myself are the ones who get shoved in the corner, no matter how hard I try to smile, make eye contact and be polite and friendly.

Would this be self-destruction, rather than self-improvement? Your thoughts, please.

ps - this is not a thread about me personally, it's more a ''second person'' thing, so don't think you're made to just answer questions about me. I just mean introverted in general, giving me as a perfect example of one who struggles to be confident in this world.

I have taken oaths like this before. But I am always too chicken to implement it.
But there are people who do that. I one had a chat on a train with a fellow traveler. He initiated it. Initially I was scared and thought "ok what does he want from me?" .But it was nice actually.
And not just introverts, i think almost everyone has some inhibitions to go and talk to a complete stranger. But once you get talking, I dont think people think of you as weird. They just might enjoy the conversation.

Ive said this before and have even worked up the courage to try to make conversation with strangers before. Conversation started ok but then my stupid brain started to get over worked and i couldnt think of topics to keep the convo flowing. Lots of awkward silences followed before I decided to give up and go hang out on my own like usual.

Faking it is what everyone else does...

If it wasn't for the sensory perception issues, faking it would work for us, too. The problem is remembering to be confident, thinking of what you're going to say, remembering body language and posture, processing sensory input like what other people are saying, and reacting to the unexpected. If we could juggle all that, we'd be fine.

I tried this....I just ended up ranting at people. I don't think I really wanted it as it just wasn't what I was like but if you think you can do it and are comfortable doing it then why not?

I don't recommend it. It's self-destruction. It doesn't work. I have tried it.
You have to have guts, and some understanding, and you can push yourself through difficultues like fear and anxiety, but don't do something that is very unnatural to you. Work with what you have. Irrational fear can be overcome, what works for me is understanding it and facing it. You can for example seek out situations that stress you, and don't quit or avoid any of those situations in the future. That is one way to cope with it. When you're comfortable with it you can relax. Understanding how people work is the best way in my opinion. Interaction and people are actually very predicatble when you learn the science of it and the mechanics of it.

I've grown extremely confident and in fact rather fearless for the most part.

I'll say and do anything, no fear, no remorse, and no guilt.

It don't make things much easier but it does reduce my anxeity a eff ton.

The trick is to know what you can be confident in and what you can't be.

I never know how people are gonna react, and quite frankly I don't care, if my reasoning for saying what I'm saying is just.

Exactly, but it's both extremely hard and extremely exhausting to do. I wouldn't recommend it if you can avoid it.

I've tried this and it eventually let to a breakdown. It's just not in my nature. I think it would be more productive to work at accepting yourself the way you are. There is nothing wrong with being an introvert. Also, I've found that in accepting myself I have become more relaxed and actually do have conversations with others; albeit the conversations are brief (my own choosing.)

There is no need to fake if if you have genuine belief.

Trust me I had no idea what it meant until a year or two ago.

You simply need to know what you can believe in and what you can't.

I'm not confident that I'm likeable, I'm not confident that I can't be hurt.

What I am confident in is the simple fact that I know myself better than anyone else alive.

I'm confident I'm safe, I'm confident that most people are trapped into social roles, and I know people that aren't close to you are largely irrelevant.

As corny as that sounds it's a very enlightening feeling.

Compelte strangers generally do two things, they either think less of you, or ignore you all together. There is no reason to be nervous when you realize the reality.

This is how I passed the interview to get me a job as a mechanic a fe wyears ago and I kept it up for a few months but it is not possible to do eventualy u will probably go back to your self but I am proud that i kept the job for about 10 months. probably a good habbit or frame of mind to get into if your scared to got to a pup or something, get urself pumped up and basicly pretend your normal.

It doesn't work like that. The timeframe is way too long for the mind to comprehensively take hold. You can do a sort of "fake it 'til you make it" thing, but it's a long road.

Being confident sure is great, and Joe and anyone else should be confident in knowing themselves and being themselves. I was referring to acting against your nature though, not to confidence. Trying to be something you're not costs way too much energy to continuously keep up. At most it can be used sparingly in a few important situations, like in Davie's example.

I can do this if, and when I want to. The downfall is that I have to at-least roughly know what's coming, or else I'll just break down. So I can't have a proper conversation with someone when I'm acting that way.

I'm not sure if I'm just playing a character, or am acting the way I would act if I didn't hold back so much when socialising, to avoid looking silly.

Well, I have the opposite problem as you in many ways. I'm often quite outgoing, and will chat with strangers like it's nothing. My problem is, despite seeming outgoing, and now that I look better from losing weight, having better hygiene and clothes, I almost seem "cool" to people. But the problem, right, is once people actually get to know you beyond a superficial level of talking to you at the supermarket or something, your weird "Aspie" qualities show through, and then people stop wanting to be around you. I mean superficially, confidence and all that helps. You can get a lot more done with confidence, it helps you in business dealings and going out and doing stuff. So in that regard it's useful, but I think on the whole, as far as maintaining relationships, it's inconsequential. If you got Aspergers, you got Aspergers, confident or not.

For you, though, who knows, might be good to try. In my case, I was sorta just born without social anxiety. I'd walk up to random adults at like 4 years old and ask them about Star Trek and my mom would get mad at me for talking to strangers. The only time I go through periods of "social anxiety" is when I get rejected by peers, but it's usually phases. I'll go through phases of outgoingness, extroversion, etc, then I'll look like an ass and then be "shy" for an equal amount of time after I realize how much of an idiot I made myself look like by being confident.

Don't know if that's helpful or not.

'A mans got to know his limitations'
Clint Eastwood

Attitude is the beginning
Then develop more skills
Then true confidence will arrive
After success and improvement
That you fought hard for
Effort is the key
throughout

Ask the lion in the wizard of oz about courage