Abused by those with BPD

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I think they are attracted to us for some reason. Perhaps very vague similarities mixed with extreme opposites.

I believe that my father had Asperger's. He ate one thing on his plate at a time, was very intelligent, very unemotional, etc etc. He was also a type 1 diabetic which imo lends credence to the autoimmune disease/autism connection.

I believe that my mother is someone with BPD and tormented my father with her insanity and now has me to torment.

I am 100% sure that my latest ex boyfriend suffers from BPD. He would threaten suicide to get me to see him after I had broken up with him, cut himself for attention, told me he loved me within a week of meeting me.

A major concern for me is that I will consistently end up with men like this, since I am unable to flirt or romantically interact with anyone unless there is a blatantly implied sexual attraction toward me on their part.

Every boyfriend I have had has basically forced me into a relationship.

start asking guys out. if you don't like the ones who have picked you, start doing the picking yourself. i asked my husband out on our first date.

There is much to be said about this notion.

I would also include fatal attraction by OCDers and OCPDers as well.

I am over 6 feet tall and over 200 pounds and yet have experienced physical abuse at the hands of my wife, and my previous partner. My wife has OCPD and the previous partner is bipolar.

I understand how people with borderline can cause problems for others & be abusive but I tend to get along better with people who have borderline personality than typical NTs. I had a mental breakdown years ago & I was diagnosed with BPD along with lots of other things instead of AS. A lot of those issues have gotten a lot better sense then but I remember how things were for me when I had those problems & I'm very supportive & sympathetic to people who have different problems because I believe support & understanding can be very helpful. I kind of think I would do better in a relationship with someone who has BPD than a regular typical NT because I'm very supportive & kind of needy & clingy & want to spend as much time as possible with my partner & I really like talking about emotional issues & stuff to because it helps me sort things out

My ex told me, just a few days after we met, that he would kill himself if I ever left him. Needless to say it all went downhill from there. I'm just now starting to wonder if he had BPD.

My parents were the same as yours, but my dad was crazy violent so I didn't like either of them. BPDs are gameplayers, which is honestly what I like about them; how would I get near hot girls if they didn't need the game to work people out?

Play the game better so you can keep control of them, I guess. Don't put up with suicide crap, find smarter ones than that.

I was diagnosed as having borderline personality disorder and I am just starting to realize how horrible it makes it for other people. In my defense: it was modeled in abundance for me as I was growing up... euggghhhhh this is making me so sad and angry.

Anyway, point is, Asperger's and BPD are not mutually exclusive, seeing as I have both.

Unfortunately, one of the problems with BPD is not really being aware of what you're doing, or that what you're doing is causing problems. I think a lot of people do become aware, because BPD can be so turbulent and cause a lot of interpersonal chaos. It's not perfectly "egosyntonic" as personality disorders are reputed to be, and is actually egodystonic for many, especially those who learn that they have it and what's associated with it.

I tend to be less inclined to view people with BPD as "predators." I get the impression that emotionally and interpersonally that things can be as hectic and chaotic as they are for me in terms of unexpected change. Their behavior does have an impact on people around them, but it's not usually a deliberate, planned, carefully executed manipulation, but emotionally dysregulated outbursts and a tendency to go to extremes in interpreting other people. This doesn't mean I think abuse they commit isn't real - it absolutely is, and everyone has a right to protect themselves from that.

fraac, suicidal ideation isn't about intelligence. And given that I think BPD has the highest successful suicide rate among disorders catalogued in the DSM I don't think that suicide attempts are about anything but putting a stop to one's personal pain. I wouldn't be dismissive of suicidal behavior as something "smart people don't do" because smart people do it, and I wouldn't be dismissive of suicidal behavior at all because it's not usually attention-seeking behavior (as it is sometimes characterized) but a serious symptom of several serious conditions (such as BPD, depression, schizophrenia, and others).

I'm not sure they're game players. I think they have skewed social perceptions and don't realize it. HPD, ASPD, and NPD are more about the game playing, I think. Not that someone with BPD can't play games, but I don't think it's part of the BPD symptoms.

It's possible I've read entirely too much about BPD this past year.

Very well said.
My experiences with people who have BPD~ They overreact to things as a result of being extremely overly sensitive & their perspectives being warped. They do have some awareness that they cause problems for others & some can be quite manipulative but they are NOT intending to cause problems for others; they don't know how else to cope & get the needs they feel met. A lot of them have coexisting disorders like depression or different types of anxiety disorders & some were abused. Their behavior is kind of a very poorly learned adaptation due to bad experiences. They are very hurt deep down & tend to feel misunderstood, mistreated, & other forms of negativity. I get along with em because I relate to that. I don't feel the negativity stuff like I used to but I know what it's like to feel that & not have anyone I could turn to who really understood & was there for me

I think people with BPD try it on with anyone and its just that aspies get sucked in as they tend to be more naive, trusting and caring. After having made an abundance of friends with BPD over the years I have found the best solution is that if someone seems very keen to be friends with me, I should be very wary of them and keep them at a distance and avoid doing social engagements with them and not let them to my house or do them favours. it seems the most annoying thing BPD friends do is leave their kids with you and disapeer for days

Yes so be wary of people who are 'too keen' and keep them at a distance till you know them better, over keenness never bodes well.

I've knew a girl who would threaten to cut herself when we talked on the phone, and I just laughed at her. She may have done it or not, but I know it would have been incredibly foolish to indulge her. I think my laughing probably made her not do it. Smart girl. Crazy though.

I'm not sure they do have skewed social perceptions. I think they're saner than most NTs. It's like with Aspergers or psychopathy though - the smart ones seem the sanest people you've ever met and the less smart ones seem the most limited and pathological people you've ever met. I like some of them a lot, I'm probably going to marry one. They play the game in a different way, maybe.

I haven't read the posts thoroughly in this thread yet, and I will. But in the meantime, I am FIFTEEN YEARS into resolving the terrible situation I fell into with my ex-girlfriend. She is classic BPD, and although the relationship fell apart a few months after we met, we stayed stuck together somehow as "friends", and she's still stuck somehow, and my wife isn't happy about it. What I mean by "stuck", is that she's totally dysfunctional in life, as far as being totally unable to get or keep a job, can't budget money, and she thinks that after I've given her probably a half million dollars in "help", and my wife has also graciously given to her, she still thinks there some kind of a secret plot whereby I am uniting with the outside world to make her feel bad and fail. She made me feel wrong for everything I did when we were together; right or wrong. She even lies to herself and to mutual friends about things to make her look sadly misunderstood and tromped on. I moved out in 2007, and it was my place, with my furniture, and I paid all the bills. I just let her stay on there, and had no idea what to do about it. She's still there, and my wife and I are paying all the bills, and this is now heading into it's 7th year of trying to get her on her own and out of our lives. I kept hope that we could "fix her", and that maybe she'd appreciate it and become our friend. That's what I wanted. But she hasn't , and everybody (I MEAN EVERYBODY from friends to enemies to doctors to lawyers), has said that with BPD, she never will come to her senses.

Now, my wife and I made a pact for the new year: We're going to just sign over the house free & clear to her, and give her some money, and negotiate with her that by accepting these gifts in good will, she will not hold us responsible if she mis-handles it all, and she must take the ball and run with it. She can hate us, and our psychiatrist says she will hate us, and I have to be OK with that. Problem is I'm not OK with it, and I know I have to sustain the hate if & when it comes. It's going to be hard, but I guess there's no choice. We gave her a nice late-model top-of-the-line Toyota truck 2 years ago, and she acted like it was handed-down used socks. I don't understand it. That truck is now sitting with flat tires and dead battery, so I'm going to take it back I guess.

I'll keep this thread saved, and I'll read it more thoroughly and post up when I can.

One thing I will state so as not to have people misunderstand the ex-GF's motives: She couldn't care less about money, and she's not being this way to get money out of us. It's all about emotional games. Even our psychiatrist agrees, that the money isn't the motive. Many people have suggested that she's acting in order to get a free ride, but that's definitely just a side effect.

Charles

I don't like that this thread seems to suggest people with BPD are just nasty individuals who's goal in life is to torment people with autism.....I don't think that's close to true. It always amazes me when people with a mental disorder themself make such horrid generalizations about people with different mental disorders.

With all due respect, I've done a lot of reading about BPD, and discussed it at length with more than one qualified and experienced therapist. I will say that those with BPD do not plot and plan to abuse and hurt others, but they are doing it knowingly in a way. It's just that they honestly perceive that we deserve it somehow. I spent at least 12 years denying this, as I wanted to believe that BPD was something not understood, and that it could be worked around or even fixed. But the truth is that it can't be, with all the knowledge and medical miracles we know today.

There are various levels of BPD, just as with any other condition; mental or physical. Keeping that in mind, some BPD people can keep it under control if they want to, and be perfectly nice people. Others can't. Same difference as my autism (reasonably successful in society and business), vs. someone at the far other end of the Spectrum, who can't communicate whatsoever and is institutionalized for life.

Charles

I think what you say about behavior is close to true, although I don't think they're trying to be manipulative as often as they're characterized as being manipulative (not that they can't be manipulative, but it is not a BPD trait, it's an everyone trait). There are medications that can help some people, however, and dialectical behavioral therapy does help with BPD. The primary caveat is that, as with any mental illness, the person must want help.

All I am saying is I think its wrong to say anyone with a certain mental disorder is a bad person due to the symptoms of the mental disorder. Obviously this personality disorder does cause problems for the people around the person with the disorder, but it also causes a lot of problems and pain for the person who has it......which needs to be taken into account. Not to mention due to all the stigma surrounding BPD how would someone feel if they were diagnosed as such? probably not to good about themself.

I am going to stick with my idea that individuals with BPD are just that individuals with BPD. Also just out of curiosity which type of abuse are we referring to?......not being able to regulate your emotions and thus possibly hurting peoples feelings or disturbing them is not what I would classify as intentional 'abuse'.........is it abuse if an autistic child for instance has a meltdown and someone gets too close and ends up getting hurt because of the nature of the meltdown?