The meaning of looking at someone, etc

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impulse343
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27 Sep 2012, 3:12 pm

What does looking at someone mean in social interaction? In what cases do people usually look at each other? I know that people look at each other while talking. However, it seems like there are some other uses. For example, I sometimes see friends, couples, etc looking at each other with different expressions on their faces without saying anything.

What do these kind of glances usually mean? What kind of meanings can different glances have? And what are the other meanings of looking?



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27 Sep 2012, 3:37 pm

I don't know really, it would just feel funny if everyone looked away from each other whilst talking.

The only type of eye contact I will never understand is why people have to stare at strangers when passing in the street, one reason is to see if they know them but otherwise there's no need to keep on staring after they've established that they don't know each other.


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27 Sep 2012, 3:50 pm

It shows interest. Most people look at what they are thinking about and so they look at each other when interacting as a sign of respect. Looking at something else shows that their mind is not on the conversation but rather somewhere else. Either that, or it is perceived as the person being spoken to wants to get away from the speaker and so it is a sign to break of the interaction.


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impulse343
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27 Sep 2012, 3:54 pm

outofplace wrote:
It shows interest. Most people look at what they are thinking about and so they look at each other when interacting as a sign of respect. Looking at something else shows that their mind is not on the conversation but rather somewhere else. Either that, or it is perceived as the person being spoken to wants to get away from the speaker and so it is a sign to break of the interaction.


Thanks for your reply. I know that one is supposed to look at whoever one is talking to. However, in what cases is it socially convenient to look at another person? As I often notice some people who know each other looking at each other with some facial expression.



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27 Sep 2012, 4:02 pm

impulse343 wrote:
What does looking at someone mean in social interaction? In what cases do people usually look at each other? I know that people look at each other while talking. However, it seems like there are some other uses. For example, I sometimes see friends, couples, etc looking at each other with different expressions on their faces without saying anything.

What do these kind of glances usually mean? What kind of meanings can different glances have? And what are the other meanings of looking?


Do you mean they look at each other and not say anthing? And it appears like a meaningful look?

I have seen this many times and I think some people use glances or expressions to communicate something but I don't know what. I hate it when people do it to me, it is like I should be knowing something but I don't.

They must have a way of reading expressions as well as words.



impulse343
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27 Sep 2012, 4:24 pm

Robdemanc wrote:
Do you mean they look at each other and not say anthing? And it appears like a meaningful look?


Yes.



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27 Sep 2012, 4:30 pm

impulse343 wrote:
Robdemanc wrote:
Do you mean they look at each other and not say anthing? And it appears like a meaningful look?


Yes.


Like it could be a sharp look, or a smiling look? I suppose they must be communicating an idea or a checking on each others expressions for some reason. Or if its during a group conversation and two people do it then it may be that something was just mentioned that the two people doing the looking had talked of earlier, or knew about already. Or something significant is about to happen depending on someone elses social cue or whatever. I am lost in these situations.



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27 Sep 2012, 8:44 pm

impulse343 wrote:
outofplace wrote:
It shows interest. Most people look at what they are thinking about and so they look at each other when interacting as a sign of respect. Looking at something else shows that their mind is not on the conversation but rather somewhere else. Either that, or it is perceived as the person being spoken to wants to get away from the speaker and so it is a sign to break of the interaction.


Thanks for your reply. I know that one is supposed to look at whoever one is talking to. However, in what cases is it socially convenient to look at another person? As I often notice some people who know each other looking at each other with some facial expression.


The facial expression follows the emotion of the moment. I may not be the best at reading this all of the time, but the more obvious expressions are easy enough to get with conversational context. Obviously, if a person is crying they are likely upset or sad. Smiling is a little harder though because it is not always genuine. Sometimes it is done to try and make the other party feel okay when they have upset someone rather than just from happiness. You have to learn to discern this and it's not something I am good enough at to teach you. I can figure it out about half the time, but it's not always easy.


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impulse343
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28 Sep 2012, 2:25 am

Robdemanc wrote:

Like it could be a sharp look, or a smiling look?


What's a sharp look? And are there many different kind of looks which are used this way, excluding smiling and crying?



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28 Sep 2012, 2:35 am

People who look at each other are communicating with each other. They are often sharing the same thoughts and letting each other know. They do not say whatever it is because it is either rude (eg critical of someone in their presence, like mockery), or words don't cover it (like lovers gazing into each others' eyes with a soft look).

With strangers they may not be staring as such (seems like it to people who don't do much of the eye contact thing) but communicating recognition, friendliness or even aggression. I interpret most strangers looking as a threat so not good on this one, but with people I am comfortable with I am not too bad, unless we are having an emotionally difficult conversation.



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28 Sep 2012, 3:12 am

The exchanging of looks can communicate almost anything depending on the context. It is a form of silent communication that people who know each other use to say something to one another, sometimes intended to deliberately exclude others present from the communication.

When I was at school other kids would do it in my presence all the time, and because of their other behaviour I understood it to mean "ha ha, look at this weirdo, huh?". However, there are many more benign applications. Partners in particular look at one another for assurance or to check their partner's stance on an issue (for example, if they are asked a question or need to make a choice about something that affects both of them, or they aren't sure about something, they will exchange a look with their partner or friend, and are presumably able to tell from their expression what their view on the matter is). This often happens many times in a conversation.
It can also be to register humour in a situation that the two people find amusing in a way the others present would not understand without an explanation, to exchange looks of a particular emotion like puzzlement and reassure one another that they are both feeling the same way, or just to check one another is OK. But depending on the situation there are too many possible meanings or nuances to list.

Don't worry when other people do it as it is not usually something to be concerned about. If people you know do it with you and they know about your ASD, you might ask them to explain to you later what it meant, so that you can better understand it next time.



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28 Sep 2012, 8:43 am

impulse343 wrote:
Robdemanc wrote:

Like it could be a sharp look, or a smiling look?


What's a sharp look? And are there many different kind of looks which are used this way, excluding smiling and crying?


I would say a sharp look is when someone looks at you with intense eyes and are not smiling, but maybe frowning. I often thing this means they hate me.