Help me if you Can I'm feeling Down

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Since I'm new I'll give some data.
I'm 19 going on 20
I'm in my first year of Uni of my Arts degree
I was diagnosed as an Aspie when I was 5...6
I also have disgraphia and short term auditory memory deficit.
Also I believe I suffer from depression
I always feel sad, angry and frustrated and I don't know why.
I have no reason at all to be this sad, nothing bad has happened to me or anyone I am close to. That just makes it worse.
My family and my friends just doesn't understand why and neither do I.
I'm just looking for someone who can understand or at least some explanation for why I am this way.
I am barely hanging on.
pills do not work
Help me
talk to me and help me understand why

I can't tell you why because sometimes there is no why, but don't ignore this, and forget what you think you know about drugs. Purchase some mescaline containing cactus, consume it, and late the next day (when you finally stop tripping) you'll feel so much better that you'll be shocked you're still the same person. It's a freakin' illegal miracle. I'm telling you, socialization is wonderful for me now, it makes my depression go away, and it allows me to think like an nt (without losing the ability to think like an aspie). Contact me if you require more specific instructions. If you do this, a week from today body language may seem easier to you than English. Repeat every several weeks.

edit: My dad told me about the next generation of autism treatment that's in development, which work through the same mechanism that I hypothesize mescaline works, and he agrees with me that my explanation is probably right despite my being a layman. So does a researcher I spoke to who professionally studies both autism and psychedelics. I of course realized how it works after a flash of insight during the middle of a trip. Everyone I've spoken with who has AS who's tried it has told me they experienced major benefits, if not the feeling that they were no longer autistic.

Last edited by Buttoneater on 27 Sep 2012, 12:57 am, edited 2 times in total.

It sounds like you are suffering from depression and the thing about depression is that it doesn't have to be triggered by some horrible external event or stresser it might just be that you're genetically pre-disposed to it and a small amount of stress osuch as a change in your life (like graduating high scool and having to figure out what to do next) can trigger it. Sometimes there is no obvious trigger at all. This does not make you a bad person. I felt like a bad person too because I'd think "people have cancer or have a loved one who just died and thank g-d I haven't had to deal with anything near as horrific as this...nothing really bad has happened to me so I have no right to feel sad". The thing is it doesn't matter if you should feel sad it's just a chemical imbalance in your brain and you just do. Pills are often not enough.......CBT ( cognitive behavioural therapy ) combined with pills is supposed to be the best treatment. Regular counselling can help too....... even if you're the type that likes to be alone when really upset it still helps to talk to someone who can give you advice sometimes.Also depression is "self-limiting" it usually goes away after 2-8 months...........you can have other episodes later though. The point is you will feel better again in time. I was told that feeling like you'll never get better is really common in depression and I felt like that...........but you really will..........
*HUGS*

I don't think this is a good idea.........illegal drugs are not regulated (might be mixed with other harmful substances you aren't aware of) and aren't monitored by a doctor or anyone. Everyone has a different reaction to both legal and illegal drugs and a particular drug may make things way worse for you and you may do something you regret. If you want to try illegal drugs I would say to make sure you are in a very safe place with one or two people (friends, sisters, cousins ) that you trust...but I wouldn't do it while you are depressed because it can make things worse for a lot of people.

The cactus is legal to possess, therefore there is no chance of it being contaminated because you're the one who prepares it so it can be used. I was in a deep episode of depression my first time, and following a day and a half of terror and graphic, intrusive thoughts about the holocaust, I was all better. For the first time ever, I felt normal. It was worth the bad trip the first time because of the benefits. (never had a bad trip again they've all been like a sensual full body massage since then) I'm serious, inhibition of electrical activity in the prefrontal cortex is the future of autism treatment, my physician father (who is aspie too if you think that makes him more credible) told me so after I had told him how I thought the mescaline works in autistic patients. He hated it when I started using it, but since then, he has had no choice but to admit that it helps me, and that I figured out how it worked on my own.

It can be intense, but if somebody isn't feeling suicidal and doesn't have a history of psychosis, it's almost certainly ok. I know a lot of aspies hate drugs ("Bullies use drugs" one told me once), but this isn't drugs. This is medicine. Period. I seriously feel like I have a moral duty to spread the word about this, that's how well it works. I mean, a few days later when I returned to school, I thought I must still be hallucinating because I could tell how people felt just by looking at them. It took me a little while to realize I was simply now able to read body language. I can't tell you how incredible and impossible I thought this was, I had something I believed I would never be able to experience, the ability to interpret non-verbal communication. So many things I thought were impossible in the past are routine parts of my life now. Empathy, eye contact, physical touch, a desire to explore, so many things I think it would take a day to recount them.

Last edited by Buttoneater on 27 Sep 2012, 1:18 am, edited 1 time in total.

It is a cactus, it grows in nature...I don't think it would be mixed with anything....I don't know that it would help with depression for everyone, but I can see how psychedelics can help of course it has to be in the right setting and one that is safe. A good trip is not likely to make depression worse a bad trip however probably can.

My guess is that you are suffering from depression. However, I would also guess that you are trying to self-medicate rather than seeking professional help. My advice is to stop self medicating and seek professional help. Many mental health clinics work on a sliding scale and many meds are available for free from the manufacturers. If the meds they want you on are on one of these lists, proper treatment could be yours for little to no actual cost.

Also, please remember that if you are on the spectrum then you may respond much differently to drugs, legal or otherwise, when compared to a neurotypical. It is important that you are under the care of a trained professional who understands these possibilities rather than guessing at the dose of a street drug that could cause you permanent harm.

I don't regret my first trip being bad at all, the benefits were worth the terror and self-loathing. Sometimes it's better to just take the first step and throw yourself into a new headspace instead of waiting until it's "ok" for you to trip, because there's no guarantee you'll ever start to feel ok without intervention.

Cognitive behavioral therapy, I just don't care for it. No, I can't think my way out of my depression, only pharmacologically based treatments work for me. Pills barely take the edge off and simply cause me to feel different pain. Mescaline though, it's all alright. The world is as it should be, people aren't making fun of you all the time, the eyes are the window to the soul, it's just amazing.

This is true as well. I was assuming he or she was as functional as I was when I first tripped. If they're significantly worse off than me in regards to difficulties, it could be a bad idea to use a psychedelic outside of a therapist's supervision (though I've been looking for a therapist like that and can't find crap, I think those kinds of therapists hit their peak in the 70's). Mescaline is not a street drug, the plants containing it are available on amazon.com, nor is it capable of permanent harm, though, unless it triggers a psychotic break, which it either will or won't do the first time it's tried (ultra rare). If that happens, it was gonna happen anyway.

Sorry but I have had bad enough experiences with marijuana that I wouldn't recommend anyone doing anything stronger. I even react negatively to prescription anti-depressants like Paxil and Celexa, so I wouldn't even begin to consider something as powerful as mescaline.

That's a valid perspective, different people react differently to different substances. That goes both ways, though. I mean, my first time was a horrific ordeal wherein I contemplated my own worthlessness, man's inhumanity to man, and why that girl I was in love with would never go out with me, for about 20 hours. Afterwards, I felt indescribably, neurotypically wonderful. I don't believe that it works by making you trip, like you learn from your visions or nonsense like that, I believe there is an organic mechanism to it that alleviates autism, period. Good or bad trip don't matter, after you've been dosed, you will not be autistic for several weeks, at least that's what me and a number of my new friends say. Anyway, if the OP doesn't feel ok about it, that's fine, nobody's making them.

Er.

It really probably is best if you DONT suggest such things on this forum. Dont forget, we have a number of younger members here, as well as parents looking for help with stuff, and this..... probably is NOT appropriate. No no, DEFINITELY is not appropriate.

I'll make something very, perfectly clear here: If there really, honestly was something in there that "alleviated autism", and was so incredibly easy to figure out, a cure woulda been found by now. A drug trip is not going to suddenly reveal to you some amazing piece of info that dedicated science/research teams failed to figure out. Looking some of this up, there's some pretty messed up things that drugs like this one (which, it seems, is often compared to LSD) can do to you. And no, speaking to one researcher about it doesnt justify it, regardless of what the guy said. These things take large teams to PROPERLY research, and alot of time and funding.

Yet, beyond all of that: Illegal drugs are illegal for a REASON. Regardless of wether or not you agree with said reason, they're still illegal.


So..... yeah. Seriously, dont do that.

And it probably is best if you dont suggest to members here (or anywhere, actually) that they do something illegal in order to "solve" a problem.

Hmm, I agree .
It is better to be discreet in such cases.
There is always the PM button.


However I myself did feel sufflocated by humanity and its rules,
and nowadays I am living my life as an anarchist.
I find my food on the street,
I find stuff on the street,
I try not to use ticket for metro.
Ect.
Sometimes I do do something even slightly more illegal.
I try not to harm,
but otherwise I feel: F]@^K the stupid rules of modern humans.

That makes me feel much more alive
when I tried to keep up with rules and expectations, I lived in a horrible Hell.


Liv_a_Little92,
hang on there,
it will get better, I promise,
and yeah, do what you want, like, really.
the planet is your oyster, do not feel otherwise.

"Talk to me and help me understand why" is exactly what a counselor does. Can you find one? Many schools offer counseling services, confidentially and often for free or low-cost. Find someone you can understand and who understands you; not all counselors are good at communicating with autistic people, but many are willing to learn.

Students in college often suffer from burnout and resultant depression. It happened to me. I kept trying to do too much, and things just crashed around me. I suggest that you investigate the possibility that you are overworked--not necessarily in terms of schoolwork; perhaps your social responsibilities are too much, or even the flood of sensory input you try to cope with.

Are you getting any necessary accommodations for your dysgraphia and auditory processing problems? Having the help of a note-taker would likely help you with both; or, if you can type, permission to have a laptop in class to take notes on, or permission to record and listen to lectures again after class. Talk to your disability services office, see what they can do to help you get the most out of your classes.

Sounds like you are in a blue period. I don't really know what to say except that from my experience, it will pass. You may have quite a few over the span of a life, but for me the first ones were the scariest as I did not know what would happen. Later on they become almost routine and you can deal with them easier. Its like you put more power to the deflector shields and just bounce your way thru the asteroid belt.

This..... you should take this advice.