"Polite" lies/Honesty

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I have no problem with lying to get myself an advantage or to avoid trouble. I even lie to people I really like.

But I can't lie for the sake of politeness. Like, when somebody asks me "how does my new hairstyle look?" and I think it looks terrible. Well I won't say "it's terrible", but something like "no I don't like it, the old one was better". Or when somebody wants to know if I think of them as my friend, I'll say "well I like you but you don't know enough about me to call me a friend". I find that many people take that as a slight or insult. But if I ask somebody I'd want honesty... I just can't lie to people to make them feel better, it feels wrong to me.

Can you lie?

I try hard to be kind and not to hurt other people but I am very bad at lying and I am lousy at 'sweet talking' someone. My parents get exasperated and I've been asked to leave before in meetings with mental health professionals because of lacking 'tact' and not being able to basically manipulate people. I can't do it. I am someone that says it how it is, I try never ever to be unkind and I try hard not to hurt other people but I hate the idea of manipulation and I do believe in being honest. My mouth runs away with me. I think people should be honest and I think if you have a problem you tell someone. If someone asks for your honest opinion you shouldn't be nasty but you should be honest. I find it bewildering that people say one thing to someone's face and another thing behind their backs. I do not understand it. I am pretty honest and I was as a child. I'd be very upset if someone wasn't honest with me. It makes me very naive though because I can't tell when people are lying (I can't tell when they are joking either).

While I have gotten better at social politeness over the years, I still have difficulties with it from time to time. Most people know me for my honesty and can tell if I am lying pretty easily most of the time. So, instead of being the social equivalent of a sledgehammer to the skull, I have learned how to tell the truth kindly or jokingly. I still get to be truthful but I usually can avoid hurting people too much in the process.

To me though, how someone looks on the outside doesn't really change my opinion of that person all that much as long as they are clean. Other than that, a girl in a designer dress costing thousands of dollars is no more attractive than the same girl in jeans and a tee shirt she previously wore to paint the house.

Ironically I sometimes think that I lie more than other people. If I don't understand what someone is saying but know I can get away with pretending to understand, that's what I normally do, but when someone else doesn't quite understand what someone is saying, they tell them to repeat again or something - even if it's something that's not that important.

Also sometimes I find myself lying to avoid talking more, like if the truth is a yes with a long answer, I prefer to say no with a short answer.

I have found myself being too honest when I shouldn't have. Like last year I used to walk around the shops a lot with two of my friends (who were also unemployed) and give out CVs in the shops. But then someone else from my voluntary job (who was also unemployed) asked me if I want to go around the shops with her one day with our CVs, so when we did, we went into one shop and asked if there is any vacancies and they said there is and asked us for a CV. My friend said she hasn't got a CV on her, but I said, ''I have'', and fished in my bag to get it out. Then when we came out my friend started lecturing and saying, ''you wasn't supposed to give them your CV. We've just asking to make it look like we've gone around asking, we don't actually want to work in some of these shops.'' I felt stupid, but I shouldn't have counted that as an ''Aspie moment'' really, because I was used to giving CVs around with my other friends, who gave their CVs in wherever they could, and also lots of other unemployed people do that too, so I wasn't used to how my new friend's mind worked.

For me it depends on the person. With friends and family I usually answer bluntly and truthfully, but with people I don't know well I try to evade the question. I think I'm better at lies for personal gain than most people, as nobody can read my constant face and monotonous voice.

I do not like trying to lie to people to make them feel better and I think why should I do it because no one done that to me. It is also like I see through a lie for what it is. If I was honest it would be a "dont be so horrible" from allistic people but if they were like that to me then they would not be told similar. That is not right.

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you", right?

Me too. I always think white lies do people a disservice, by giving them false information to go on. Sure, the information in question is only my opinion, but if they ask for my opinion, they should have it, to accept or discard as they see fit. I don't know whether I can lie, because I simply won't.

I am the complete opposite. I can easily lie for the sake of politeness - there's no sense in hurting people's feelings about things that don't really matter. But lying for the sake of my own advantage, I can't do at all - I always start to giggle and get a silly look on my face.

I don't lie to give myself an advantage either, and not to get out of trouble unless I firmly believe the rules I broke were unjust in the first place.

People who tell polite lies are weak. They can't cope with negative reaction they are going to receive from other if they say something unpleasant.

I'm the same, I cannot lie to help myself. I can never do it, even as a child when I tried a couple of times my parents would just wait because I would always come back and confess. I've also struggled with OCD since I was 8 and one of my big fears has been that I might accidently say something untrue, at one point I had to ritually 'erase' everything I said incase I had accidentally lied. 16 years later I still struggle with that one.

This is me for sure. I have learned to kind of put myself in the truth telling mindset to lie in my usual flat faced monotone.

As for little questions of polite opinion, I try to be constructively negative. I try not to just say "your hair looks terrible." Instead I'll give advice for what I feel could be improved. People take that better.

I can lie most of the time, in fact, sometimes I need to. Like, if someone I don't like wants to hang out with me, I never have the strength to say, "No, I don't like you, you annoy me." I'll say something like "No, my parents are making me go somewhere today." I wish I could just say no to these annoying people.

But, like you, I can't be totally honest in some situations. If someone's hair looks horrible, I'll tell them it doesn't look too good instead of outrightly saying, "My God, it looks horrible!"

I can but if I'm not thinking I'll say what I really think. I once told a cowroker it looked like they used a flowbee to but their hair...

I'm not very good at lying. I avoid it when I can, and sometimes I'll go silent instead of tell a lie. If someone is calling me and wants to do something and I don't want to, I'll often just ignore that person instead of telling a lie.

Social lying comes pretty rare to me. It's not the easiest route, especially in the early stages of courtship. It's a bit rough on co-workers, too. Ultimately those who can can accept 'radical honesty' are the people in my life, others steer clear which works for me.