Diagnosis confusion

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Brief recap.

Unofficially diagnosed with Asperger's nearly five months ago, along with depression (which I'm very certain I have) and anxiety (also certain I have). Became aware of this when my psychologist told me that my psychiatrist thought I had Asperger's. Was very surprised and shocked at first, but I've grown to accept it and realize, over time, that perhaps it does go a long way towards explaining my behavior.

But now I'm just paranoid. What if my psychiatrist changes her mind and says I never had it in the first place? It would feel like I've been posing. Like I thought I found a group of people that understood, but really it's... not. A lot of anxiety caused by the labels a psychiatrist gives me. Silly, right?

I do have a lot of behaviors that fit the diagnosis - difficulties with social interaction and determining what everyone thinks of me (my default thought is everybody hates me), a sort of social exhaustion (does not happen every time - usually relieved by running around), self-stimulating (rocking back and forth is an unconscious behavior for me, I run around in order to calm myself or "ride out" moments of excitement, along other things), echolalia (didn't notice I did this until recently - may have picked it up from someone else?), difficulty making eye contact but only with authority and people with light colored eyes (probably the most specific form of eye contact difficulty ever), awkward, "robotic" movements that easily translate to clumsiness, talking incessantly about either only myself or a certain subject (much much worse when I was younger), speaking with inappropriately formal language (don't do this too often, but it pretty much always happens when I get into a debate. It's practically unavoidable)... you get the picture.

But then again, you don't. What does this tell you? Are my difficulties with social interaction significant enough? What about the other symptoms, commonly expressed but not necessary to a diagnosis? Am I just a weirdo kid with autistic tendencies? What about the fact that I don't fit the stereotype of someone with Asperger's (no, I am not a math genius, I am rather extroverted in an odd way, and I don't experience sensory overload). Even with what I gave you, nobody can diagnose me over the internet.

To summarize my question: what does it mean if I feel like I understand a lot of what people with Asperger's and autism go through, and I feel like we share struggles, but my psychiatrist decides "nah, you don't have Asperger's"? It's very difficult to explain why this is a problem for me; I suppose it's a question of building identity and such. I'm young and I feel lost concerning these sorts of things. I also "came out" to several friends and a teacher today and it felt good. Pretty much all of them were like "yeah, we totally suspected it." It would feel like I was lying if it turns out my psychiatrist was wrong... ignoring the whole question of identity and such.

Moonshine Princess,

It's commendable that you want to respect the Asperger's definition. I'm especially sensitive to this since I'm connected to someone who is truly handicapped by her condition--her executive functions are so bad that she has to be reminded even to eat (yet her IQ is above average)! I feel that if I put myself in the same category as people who need so much help, I would be somehow detracting from the severity of their condition. As in, if I told someone that I have Asperger's, and that person then came across a more severely autistic person, they might say, "Well, I knew another guy with Asperger's, and HE didn't need such help. Neither should you!"...And we all know that NTs are prone to such simplistic generalizations!

So, I personally have chosen to say that I'm "partially autistic". I probably would be diagnosed under the DSM-IV, but not the DSM-V. In one way, I think the new, narrower qualifications for Asperger's is a good thing, for the reasons seen in my first paragraph. In another way, I think it's bad, because I know that I'm wired differently from NTs, and if someone had explained this (and how) to me much earlier in my life, I would have been not only more productive, but I would have been able to enjoy life more. So what will we, as a society, tell "partial Autistics"?...oops, I just realized that I'm going off on a rant, instead of replying to your post! Sorry! O:-)

Look, maybe one reason why I went off on my tangent was to imply this: It doesn't matter what your psychiatrist thinks. Sure, there are a few douchebags on here who think that Asperger's is humanity's next evolutionary step and that NTs are inferior, and get all territorial, and say, "You better be certified!" But autism isn't something you either have or you don't, based upon a single gene mutation. It can be expressed very strongly, like the girl I'm connected to who has to be reminded to eat, or very weakly (I believe the official term is "Broad Autism Phenotype" or something). One of the great things about the people at this site is that they celebrate neurodiversity, and so recognize that our brains are so awesomely complex that it would NEVER be as simple as: either you ARE, or you are NOT. Also, the autistic phenotype might be expressed more-or-less independently in several brain regions. So the girl who has to be reminded to eat? Speaking with her, it seems that the communication areas of her brain are unaffected!

Okay, I'm rambling, as I'm wont to do. So, I'll let Tony Attwood answer more eloquently (first couple minutes of this): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bNyucgF0gmQ

I would just add, it sounds like telling others you're an Aspie helped you. So, even if you're not diagnosed, maybe you can do what I do and say, "I'm at least partially autistic, so I _____." It's much easier than saying, "I express many mannerisms associated with the autistic phenotype, which explains some of my strengths/limitations, yet I may not fulfill enough of the criteria to qualify for an official diagnosis". =p

In my opinion, if you're "autistic enough" to either:
(1. Adversely affect your skill level, or
(2. Adversely affect how society accepts you

Then, yes, you can say "I'm autistic" or "I have autism" without a disclaimer attached (ex. "I'm partially autistic".)

Otherwise, you would say "I'm autistic/I have autism, but not severely enough to get a diagnosis". Or something like that.

But, while there's some opinion overlap with the previous poster, obvisouly there's a point where we differ. Which is fine. We don't always have to agree.