What do you find hard to accept that Aspies do?

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Dirtdigger
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25 Sep 2012, 10:10 am

I find it incomprehensible that those with especially Aspergers Syndrome having human relationships and having a desire to be as sociable as possible and having all sorts of friends.


I don't want friends that will stab me in the back, act like they have some sort of phobia about me. I don't want human relationships that only bring hurt, mistrust, unwanted children, STS's, cheating and a host of other bad things. The thought of another human even touching me makes my skin crawl. I'm perfectly happy with my life and I wouldn't have it any other way. But, I would like to know why so many Aspies are in human relationships and socialization?



thomas81
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25 Sep 2012, 10:14 am

I think a consistent theme is that aspies tend to value the quality of the friendships over the quantity of friendships.

I'd say thats true in my case. Of course, having a lot of friends can be nice but what is the point if all they do is babble inane nonsense all the time about what they're eating for dinner or who is winning X-Factor/American Idol or [insert reality TV show]

I've noticed a lot of NT's seem to use the number of friends on their facebook page as a yardstick for their social prowess.



jonny23
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25 Sep 2012, 10:17 am

Dirtdigger wrote:
I don't want friends that will stab me in the back, act like they have some sort of phobia about me. I don't want human relationships that only bring hurt, mistrust, unwanted children, STS's, cheating and a host of other bad things.


None of my friends would do anything like that, otherwise they wouldn't be my friend. Maybe that's why I don't have many but that fine with me.



invisiblesilent
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25 Sep 2012, 10:40 am

Dirtdigger wrote:
I find it incomprehensible that those with especially Aspergers Syndrome having human relationships and having a desire to be as sociable as possible and having all sorts of friends.


I don't want friends that will stab me in the back, act like they have some sort of phobia about me. I don't want human relationships that only bring hurt, mistrust, unwanted children, STS's, cheating and a host of other bad things. The thought of another human even touching me makes my skin crawl. I'm perfectly happy with my life and I wouldn't have it any other way. But, I would like to know why so many Aspies are in human relationships and socialization?


Some aspies quite enjoy being touched by certain people. There are a couple of my family members who I don't mind touching me and when I am in a romantic relationship with someone I actively enjoy being touched e.g. hand holding etc. I also enjoy the company of a certain kind of person i.e. people that aren't obsessed by the trivialities that most people seem to be obsessed by and also people who wont do the things you mentioned. They do exist though I admit they are very few and far between. I've also had a bunch of relationships - of both the friendly and romantic kind - which have resulted in the kinds of bad things you're talking about (no STIs or pregnancies thankfully (at least nobody told me if either of those happened)). On the other hand though I've had relationships that have been enjoyable and of great benefit to me (and the other people I hope!) but which eventually ended; often because of me and my really sucking at maintaining relationships.

So, I totally understand where you are coming from. I agree that on the whole people aren't all that nice and I find that maintaining a pretty low level of interaction with most of them works best for me. But there are some people who I have enjoyed spending significant amounts of time. I don't actually spend much time with anybody at all at the moment though because of a combination of the kind of "friendly" BS you described and my problems with maintaining relationships.



redrobin62
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25 Sep 2012, 2:15 pm

I actually didn't realize many aspies were married. I thought it was just a few. Oh well, I'm consistently the odd ball. Nothing new.



Jaden
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25 Sep 2012, 2:42 pm

I very much enjoy sociality once in a great while, i'm not the kind of person who is social but i still enjoy having company from time to time. And I've always longed for a companion who would accept me because of who I am, instead of not accepting me because of my condition.
I want what most normal people want, the only difference is I've always been denied those simple things that most people take for granted, because "normal" people won't see past their own judgements/stigmas/etc. about my condition, or about me personally (because it's obvious I'm not like them, and they notice that). Most of the problems that I have today, are a result of "normal" people doing what they always do with anyone who's different from them. I honestly think that most of my problems today wouldn't exist if I had been treated with at least a little respect over the years. Social Anxiety being one.


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25 Sep 2012, 4:33 pm

When people who don't actually fit the criteria claim to be Aspies.

introversion =/= "Aspergers"


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Jaden
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25 Sep 2012, 5:37 pm

XFilesGeek wrote:
When people who don't actually fit the criteria claim to be Aspies.

introversion =/= "Aspergers"


People who aren't officially diagnosed do that, yes. But not all people with aspergers necessarily want to be social, and not all want to be introverted either. That's just a catch-all generalization that people have come to think is a symptom of the condition (and for some it can be), but aspergers is different for everyone, that's why there's so many tests that one must take in order to be diagnosed. You can literally test 20 people and never get two who have the same symptoms.


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25 Sep 2012, 8:40 pm

I find it hard to accept that we teleport.
Maybe it's just me, but it seems kind of implausible.


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25 Sep 2012, 9:20 pm

Dirtdigger wrote:
I find it incomprehensible that those with especially Aspergers Syndrome having human relationships and having a desire to be as sociable as possible and having all sorts of friends.


I don't want friends that will stab me in the back, act like they have some sort of phobia about me. I don't want human relationships that only bring hurt, mistrust, unwanted children, STS's, cheating and a host of other bad things. The thought of another human even touching me makes my skin crawl. I'm perfectly happy with my life and I wouldn't have it any other way. But, I would like to know why so many Aspies are in human relationships and socialization?



I'd like to know if there is true "bonding" with these friendships. If these are typical buddy relationships like a "welding of the hip" in near perpetual togetherness, and is the romantic side as "two love birds" eternally enjoined? Experiencing True Theory of Mind is living through the eyes of another human being. I may have just answered my question.



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25 Sep 2012, 9:41 pm

Quote:
I don't want friends that will stab me in the back, act like they have some sort of phobia about me. I don't want human relationships that only bring hurt, mistrust, unwanted children, STS's, cheating and a host of other bad things.


I don't know anyone AS or NT that wants any of those things. Some people may be terrible judges of character and get into those situations, but I don't know anyone who seeks them out.

I def love relationships, and I think a lot of other people do. But then again there are those who don't. To each his own.

To answer the original question:

I can't understand how people can go days without bathing.



billiscool
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25 Sep 2012, 9:45 pm

me personaly I have a few friends here and there. Im not a real social person. But I like to do thing with my friends every now and then.



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25 Sep 2012, 10:38 pm

I wish they had more interest in trying new things and being open-minded. I mean, I have a new special interest every week (not that any of the others ever went away), and eventually I realized experience was just applied knowledge, so by doing new things I was learning about them also. I mean, I went out to the movies with an AS girl my mom set me up with without first finding out that she was asexual and thus a complete waste of my time. I asked if she wanted to see the new foreign language film whose name I forget (that I had read in the newspaper was very erotic so of course I wanted to see it), she said no, let's see the matrix even though she had seen it probably 50 times and I thought it was only ok. We saw it the next time too, by which time I was really hating it, I don't like action movies. Then I came onto her while we were watching Adaptation in my basement, she started crying, and I went to my room after asking her if she just wanted to play games. Next time I met a kid in a support group who seemed ok, we had a lot of the same likes, and I invited him over to my house to hang out. After an hour or so I said "Hey, you want to get high?". He clearly had an adrenaline rush and his face turned completely white, he screamed "THAT'S ILLEGAL! I'M TELLING!" and ran out of my room and out the front door, even though he lived nowhere near me and his parents were back at his house. An hour or so later his mom called to apologize on his behalf, because he refused to because "DRUGS ARE ILLEGAL HE IS A CRIMINAL WHY AREN'T YOU CALLING THE POLICE MOMMY", which I could overhear on the phone being screamed girlishly and super fast. She actually said to me "I'm sorry my son won't get high with you because that's a normal thing for boys your age to do", which I assumed was because she probably smoked pot for stress like a lot of parents, and she wanted him to get over nonsense about it he'd heard on tv and in school, so he wouldn't call the cops in a self-righteous fury when he found a joint somewhere in the house. Frankly him calling his mom mommy was the craziest part of it to me. Another guy went crazy trying to convert me when he found out I didn't believe in god. He practically had a coronary when I told him I wouldn't worship in the christian god even if I thought he existed, because in the old testament he was just a sadistic evil demon, and in the new testament he was a homeless, mentally ill hippie. But that it was ok for us to disagree. He disagreed about that, all people who weren't Catholic deserved to die. Then he started screaming about "abortion in the fast food, I read it on THE INTERNET", and I realized he was hide-the-silverware crazy and physically removed him from my house before calling his mom to pick him up. I asked her not to bring him over again, and she sighed and seemed to understand why. New things are cool because you haven't seen them before, authority lies to you and does not have your interests in mind, only their own, and it's ok for different people to hold different beliefs. How come I was the only kid with AS in Indiana who held these three beliefs when I was 15?

edit: Wait by accept do you mean accept factually, or tolerate? Because these are things I have a hard time tolerating. I will accept anything as fact as long as it's the scientific consensus on the issue.

edit2: If you're asexual, do the right thing and make sure you look totally ugly to us people who don't find the human body repugnant, so we know ahead of time that you will never be interested. Please don't wear low-cut shirts with glitter on your boobs and short skirts if you find even talking about anything sexual to be horrific.

edit3: I'm not saying that girl should have tried new things by having sex with me, I just wanted to see the french movie with all the pretty kissing in it, and not the matrix or whichever sequel it was we had already seen.



Last edited by Buttoneater on 25 Sep 2012, 11:22 pm, edited 3 times in total.

XFilesGeek
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25 Sep 2012, 10:48 pm

Jaden wrote:
XFilesGeek wrote:
When people who don't actually fit the criteria claim to be Aspies.

introversion =/= "Aspergers"


People who aren't officially diagnosed do that, yes. But not all people with aspergers necessarily want to be social, and not all want to be introverted either. That's just a catch-all generalization that people have come to think is a symptom of the condition (and for some it can be), but aspergers is different for everyone, that's why there's so many tests that one must take in order to be diagnosed. You can literally test 20 people and never get two who have the same symptoms.


I know.

I didn't word that correctly. I was speaking in general, not necessarily at the OP.

Whoops. That's what I get when I try to multitask.

Please excuse stupidness.


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25 Sep 2012, 10:49 pm

thewhitrbbit wrote:
Quote:
I don't want friends that will stab me in the back, act like they have some sort of phobia about me. I don't want human relationships that only bring hurt, mistrust, unwanted children, STS's, cheating and a host of other bad things.


I don't know anyone AS or NT that wants any of those things. Some people may be terrible judges of character and get into those situations, but I don't know anyone who seeks them out.

I def love relationships, and I think a lot of other people do. But then again there are those who don't. To each his own.

To answer the original question:

I can't understand how people can go days without bathing.


+1 on both.

Except for the times I occasionally forget to take a shower, I don't like itching and stinking.


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