Do you think this is laziness or aspergers or something else

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I have a cousin that is in his early 20's with mild aspergers. My aunt and uncle are rich and seem to baby him a bit. He works for his mom doing light custodial work less than 20 hours a week. He complains a lot, says he gets really tired, makes excuses for why he can't do things, and just breaks down at times and acts like he can't get up and do anything.

I'm not really too familiar with aspergers or autism in general, so I was wondering if this type of behavior is typical for those with aspergers? Is this just him being lazy and being spoiled? What do you guys think?

It could honestly be any number of things, and from the brief description you've given an autism spectrum disorder wouldn't be my first guess. Depression is a far more common cause of the things you describe and causes all of the things you listed (tiredness, lack of motivation, complaining).

That's not to say it couldn't be asperger's or an ASD, but the primary symptoms of aspergers tend to be social ones. Do people find him strange to relate to? Does he struggle to form relationships with others? Does he miss social cues? Does he have obsessive interests to the exclusion of everything else? Those are the kind of questions you would ask when looking for signs of asperger's.

Hope this was of some help.

To be honest his aspergers seems so mild I can barely tell. I am socially awkward myself (though I don't have aspergers) and feel like he is no more socially awkward than me. He does struggle to form relationships with others, but I think that is just because he likes to keep to himself. He has no interest in forming relationships.

I don't think he is depressed because he seems content with what he is doing. He has told me this. I feel like he is just doing enough to get by without getting his parents or other authority figures get upset with him. Basically he just does the bare minimum. I want to try to motivate him but I don't know how. And the aspergers just complicates things.

There are a few things I have noticed about him. He can't properly describe how he is feeling. If he is feeling down he just says he is tired. I know he isn't just tired, but he can't express his feelings beyond that. I think that might have to do with aspergers. But there are plenty of people that have aspergers that can work normal work weeks without breaking down and having problems, right? Obviously not everyone with aspergers is the same, but I am just trying to get some insight.

Thanks for your reply.

That's pure laziness and entitlement. Some of us work for a living and resent it.

Thanks for your opinion. This is kind of what I have been thinking as well, but I feel like I can change nothing without my aunt and uncle changing how they treat him.

it could be around a hundred things aside from an ASD,

to say that it is certainly anything at this point is ignorant and shows far more about you than it does the person described.

that said it might be lazyness,
some of the traits could be similar to those found in people with ASD's, no one will know for sure without a proper diagnosis of some kind,
in my eyes a severe depression could very well go hand in hand with undiagnosed asd's, it did for me and just getting on top of oneself again can be a year long battle.

He has been formally diagnosed with aspergers. I guess it is possible he is depressed but he is so bad at verbalizing his emotions I feel like there is no way I would be able to figure it out.

Why is it your business, exactly? Did he ask for your help, or are you supporting him in some way? Most adults rightly resent the attempts of do-gooders to change them.

I've never met your cousin, so it would be foolish for me to jump to conclusions about him. But I can tell you that I have been diagnosed with Asperger's, and some of the things in your description sound a lot like me.

I found out I had Asperger's because the pressures of daily life as a grad student were wearing me down to the point that I barely had any energy left. Some days, if I didn't have anything scheduled, I would end up staying in bed most of the day and still feel exhausted when I finally got myself up. I didn't have a plan for my life beyond trying to survive the next day and worry about the next assignment, because that took all of my energy.

I thought I must be the laziest person on earth; what was wrong with me?

One of the things that jumped out to me about your description is "He can't properly describe how he's feeling." That was me before I was diagnosed and started getting treatment for depression. When my parents tried to get me to talk about what was on my mind, I could barely get any words to come out. I couldn't find any way to put it into words-- I just felt like crying, but I never did.

As for the question "But there are plenty of people that have aspergers that can work normal work weeks without breaking down and having problems, right?"...

It really depends. What's "normal work"? What constitutes "breaking down"? It's so hard to answer because it's different for everyone, and it can be different for the same person at different times. Sometimes I feel like I want to hide from everyone; other times I feel fine; occasionally I even feel a little bold.

Whatever the case is with your cousin, you can help him by encouraging him. It's already encouraging to know that you care about him enough to try to find ways to help him. I don't know if your cousin struggles with depression, but if he does, then I think every little bit of encouragement will mean a lot to him, even if it doesn't seem that way. Finding your way out of depression can take a long time, because you only have the energy to take tiny steps at first.

Maybe your cousin doesn't struggle with depression; I don't know. If that's the case, then I think it still can't hurt to encourage him.

I don't know if this post made sense; I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad-- just trying to share my perspective.

Edit: Oops; I put "brother" instead of "cousin" at first for some reason.

For people who are unable to communicate their emotions well, depression will tend to express itself as tiredness, irritability, lack of motivation.

Something beyond that though. You say his parents "baby him a bit". That often happens to people with disabilities of all sorts, including autism. Parents will implicitly teach them that they are fundamentally incapable, that they have to have things done for them; that they will never be competent to make their own decisions or manage their own lives. That is a stereotype about disability that is unfortunately common. When parents raise a disabled child with that in mind, the child growing up internalizes it, and grows to believe that they truly cannot take initiative, control their own life, or change anything themselves. They are taught how to be dependent. Every time they need help, it is taken as evidence of their fundamental inability to do anything for themselves. Every time they are lavishly praised for doing something that non-disabled people do (or simply for being "courageous" enough to live with a disability), they are implicitly told that they are not expected to be capable of anything but victimhood.

Most parents who do this have no clue they're doing it. Either they want to "protect" their child, or they see an adult as an eternal child because of the disability, or they have bought into the stereotype so much that they can't help but see their child in that light.