Public "performances"

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To those of you who stand on a stage sometimes or at least perform some kind of sports or art in front of people.

I love to sing. I'm quite good, I think, though far from professional. Let's just say I'd definately be able to perform in public without getting tomatoes thrown at me.

However, I really, really have a problem with singing when there's anyone around. The number of people (that I know personally) who have heard me sing is below 5. I had singing lessons for a few months and I found that everytime when I sung in front of my teacher my "singing muscles" literally became weak and cramped and my voice was much weaker and quieter than it really is. Which was a problem because you can't really train properly when you can't show your teacher your real voice. It became better with every session and came back full force when I had my first little performance together with two other singers, and, to be honest, both were much worse singers than me. However, I was so nervous that my voice became almost inaudible.

I'd really love to sing in a band someday, but I'm afraid I will never be able to use my full voice when I'm not alone.

Do you know those problems? Being so afraid of criticism that you can't even give your best.. which makes no sense at all because you'd get much less critique if you'd just be able to act normally?

I have a terrible mental block about people hearing me sing. I even took voice lessons and was okay with just the teacher there because we mostly just worked on sections of my songs, but in front of the whole class, I choked. It was just like you described with the muscles getting weak and cramped. I've never really been able to overcome this problem except when drunk.

I have been told that my voice is pretty, but I do have trouble with pitch. I can't tell pitch from volume.

Well it's reassuring that I'm not the only one. I think this is some kind of social phobia.

It's weird though, this seems just so completely illogical. Like, one day I was playing Guitar Hero and Rockstar with a few friends and I would have liked to take the singing part, but at the same time my brain told me "NO DON'T DO IT you'll be terrible and they'll laugh at you". Then another girl took the microphone and sang pretty horribly and of course nobody laughed because it's just a game... and I KNEW that I'd be able to do much better.. but still.. I just couldn't...

So frustrating, especially since I really, really LOVE singing. If I don't do it for too long because I'm afraid someone will hear me, it feels like I'm just going to explode.

Im a shy introvert, but ive done amateur stand up comedy at open mics, and Ive worked as a party DJ emceeing weddings.

I dunno - just do it.

I dont claim to be a singer- but I do sing better around people when Im joking around than when Im trying to seriously sing around people. Have noticed that.

You get looser, more relaxed, or something.

Carol Burnett said the same thing. Its easier, and she sounded better when she sang as part of comedy sketch than we she sang for real.

Try singing as part of comedy sketch- pretend to be Nancy Pelosi or Michelle Bachman breaking out into song about their poltical views ( Capitol Steps style) in front of a crowd. You'll probably sound great.

I can definitely identify, though, for me I had irrational fears of many things besides singing. I found myself in a situation not too terribly long ago which forced me to face a few of my overwhelming fears. I discovered that as I got used to doing things I was frightened of I became much less frightened of them. As I became less afraid I began to feel more empowered and actually started to enjoy doing those things I was once afraid of. I realized that facing my fears was very freeing and I took it upon myself to start looking other fears in the face. That doesn't mean I'm not still afraid. I can sing in public with someone because I've done it so much. It doesn't bother me. I can play piano in public. But when I try to sing alone or play guitar I get frightened and shaky. I haven't done that very much with an audience.

I would recommend, if you want to start facing your fears, that you start small. Singing in public sounds like a really big jump so if you can think of some other things that you're afraid of but not quite as much you can practice with them and build your confidence a little bit so singing in front of people won't be quite so bad. If you want to sing in public you have to be willing to stand in front of people and acknowledge the fact that there will be times that you do mess up. There will be times when people don't like you. If you get up there and mess up, don't think of yourself as a failure. Consider yourself successful because you had the courage to go out there and make a big mistake. And as time goes on you'll get better at not making mistakes.

I'm in a lot of plays, but when I sing I have to have a mic.

The shyness is one part of it. The other is sensitive hearing...without a mic, I misjudge my volume and never sing loudly enough.

I did a few singing performances and competitions when I was in junior high. It felt good to sing in front of a group, even though I was nervous beforehand.

I can't do anything properly if I know there is somebody watching me. I tell myself it's fine but my body and brain just don't react.

Another question: Since there seem to be quite a few singers here, can we Aspies actually "work" as lead singers in a band? I'm asking because usually singers are expected to have some kind of stage presence and charisma, and I don't have any of that. I just stand there and clutch the microphone, I'm not even really moving my face. I guess I could work on that though.

If it worked with the genre of music, your immobility could be part of your act. I read that when Jim Morrison first started performing he stood with his back to the audience.

Some have managed to build a successful career and accumulate millions of fans by holding onto the mic stand for their lives. To wit; Ozzy Osbourne circa 1970 and although not confirmed to be on the spectrum, Brian Connolly of The Sweet in the early to mid-1970s

Re: original question - something I've written myself I am most at ease with, or very limited support vocals in the choruses of someone else's originals. At church I rarely have inhibition to sing along, stipulating that the music is loud enough to cover it. Once they shift to acapella I freeze. I really have to be able to 'feel' the lyrics in the first place, no matter what song it is

I'm a singer, a vocal teacher AND a bad case of stage fright. My advice to you is to "break the ice" as often as you can. Sing to your friends, your family, on a stage whenever possible... While I was studying music at the university, it was mandatory to perform on a regular basis. Over the years I became more and more comfortable, and by the time I finished, I had no stage fright anymore. Remind yourself that, if you're a reasonably good singer, the people in the audience really enjoy listening to you. They're not going to eat you alive, and when they tell you after how good you were, the right answer is "Thank you", not "Sorry", even if you think you did terribly. I'm a horrible perfectionist, so I'm rarely perfectly happy with my performances, but you can't wait until you're perfect before performing, or you'll never get good at it.

I have done amateur standup and acting; I have the lead in a play next month. I have never had stage fright, because when you perform for a crowd, they all sort of blend together. For me the scary thing has always been performing for individuals or small groups. I haven't performed for my parents in five years, and I won't perform when people grab a guitar and say sing us one of your songs (my standup is a mix of monologue and songs). Auditions are also really stressful for me, because it's usually only one to four auditors watching you. I usually go to a bar for a drink or two before auditions to calm my nerves. Rehearsals aren't my favorite, but I do manage to work out how I will do it, and then once I'm in front of an audience, I'm totally at ease. It's wonderful, because I can communicate to degrees I can't in my normal life.

Yes, it is the fear of criticism that bothers me. That's why I can't perform in front of individual people. But remember, and audience isn't a person, so it can't criticize you. I guess I might not be explaining it well, but it's different. You'll just have to see for yourself.

By putting the word performances in quotations, for some reason I expected this thread to be about sex in public, or at the tamest, public displays of affection.