Reactions around NT's during intense moments

Page 2 of 2 [ 23 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2

MuffinWoman
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 26 May 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 17

07 Oct 2012, 10:35 am

Tyazii wrote:
Excuse me if I am incorrect, but there is a troll-like quality about the statements: "We are in love", "We are not in a relationship", "He randomly becomes intense and does unpredictable things" and "I suspect he has AS so I expediently registered on the first Autism forum I could find in a google search".

If, however, you're not a troll, excuse my presumptuousness.


VERY presumptuous and I take offense. I have a life...
We're not in a relationship because of issues...



muff
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 22 Sep 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 289

07 Oct 2012, 10:39 am

AS aside, honesty is required. AS makes the 'looking glass self' of socialization foggy (or even turns it into a funhouse), but it doesnt imply one should just toss the mirror away because it is of no use to them.

in other words, tell him what he did was unusual so he knows it was unusual. i dont think that it is fair to him or helpful to you to speculate what it means with everyone but him.



muff
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 22 Sep 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 289

07 Oct 2012, 10:53 am

AS doesnt make behaviors completely acceptable. it makes them understandable. im just not sure youre going to get the understanding you need from a message board, or a chat room or a psychologist that has never met him. if what he did bothered you then he wouldnt want to do it again. how is he to know it upset you unless you tell him?

i have read some of your other posts. if you are considering a long term relationship with this person, a discussion about his behaviors when they occur is more than appropriate so you know what is going on.

perhaps AS would be a good excuse for his behaviors. you mentioned previously that he has had tons of girlfriends. speaking for myself, this does not sound typical of some with AS. so maybe the AS thing just makes him seem more fascinating than irritating.



onks
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 27 Jul 2012
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 490
Location: Finland

07 Oct 2012, 11:04 am

MuffinWoman wrote:
I am not in a relationship with him, but we're in love with each other and have been for a while. People who work with and socialise with him adore him and have told me that he would make a great partner so this doesn't add up. Not sure if I'm adding a level of intensity that he doesn't know how to handle.


Sounds like you are stuck for quite a long time already.

But if that kind of behaviour doesn't distract you from him you must do something.
He wont do it.

Try to physically touch him. Take his hands and such. He might be scared, still

You are too demanding for him (as you said level you create a level of intensity that he cant handle).

He is very vulnerable and doesn't manage to show he likes you, he's blocked totally and I would say he
either thinks that's how he should physically approach you.
Or then he is so dissapointed about you and the situation that he is going into decline and hitting you therefore
(He might be thinking you should do something or leave him alone)

Just guesses.

But start doing something, seriously. You can't just look him in the eye and do nothing else.
You'll slowly destroy him by that.

Normal people would have retracted already long time ago. But aspies will find this very hard to do.
What about you? Why didn't you do it? What do you want?

Come on. You said you're NT. You definitely should have the power to do something
and stop grilling him.

This slowly letting it go to hell will make him doing more stupid things, if he's an aspie

It might be well too late already.



Last edited by onks on 07 Oct 2012, 11:06 am, edited 1 time in total.

MuffinWoman
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 26 May 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 17

07 Oct 2012, 11:06 am

muff wrote:
AS doesnt make behaviors completely acceptable. it makes them understandable. im just not sure youre going to get the understanding you need from a message board, or a chat room or a psychologist that has never met him. if what he did bothered you then he wouldnt want to do it again. how is he to know it upset you unless you tell him?

i have read some of your other posts. if you are considering a long term relationship with this person, a discussion about his behaviors when they occur is more than appropriate so you know what is going on.

perhaps AS would be a good excuse for his behaviors. you mentioned previously that he has had tons of girlfriends. speaking for myself, this does not sound typical of some with AS. so maybe the AS thing just makes him seem more fascinating than irritating.


Thank you for your useful input. Even though he has had numerous girlfriends, he hasn't been able to make them work, from what I've heard, so it begs to ask the question why?
I've tried discussing his OCD habits with him, but he was in complete denial about it, so I wasn't sure how to discuss sensitive issues like this with him if he would then get defensive. I did also tell him that things with him didn't add up...you can imagine his response to that statement.



ravenloft68
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 28 Sep 2012
Age: 53
Gender: Male
Posts: 117
Location: Arizona

07 Oct 2012, 11:26 am

Oh,
I thought you meant what reactions "I" have in tense situations. I know for me, I sometimes verbally "Stutter" and look visibly stressed in the face. My mouth becomes quite dry and if its really tense, I'll even develop a slight eye-lid twitch. I also am more likely to drop a small tool or something if I'm in a stressed hurry.


_________________
"You were so beautiful, pale, and mysterious. No one even looked at the corpse!" Gomez Addams


SilkySifaka
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Apr 2012
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,396
Location: UK

07 Oct 2012, 3:09 pm

I've been in some sexually intense situations in the workplace but I've never assaulted anyone! Someone whose reactions are so outwith their control is a concern, and not someone I would suggest would be an ideal partner.

I have had some pretty extreme reactions in public (such as shaking, crying, rocking, pulling my own hair out etc) so I understand that these things happen, but I think that physical violence against another person (even if you were not actually hurt) is crossing a line. Whether this has anything to do with AS or not, I would advise extreme caution, especially as he refuses to discuss his issues with you.