Recognizing how things were "different"

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I can remember as a kid, I always struggled with the idea that things were different for different people, according to age, etc. I know that may not make much sense, so I'll give a real-life example:

When I had just turned seven, my younger half-sister E was born, and another sister, D followed two years later. I loved E and D and I loved being their big sister, but couldn't help but feel that I was sometimes treated unfairly in comparison with them.

You see, when E and D both went thru the usual hair-yanking, biting, hitting, and kicking phases (when you start teaching little kids how to "use their words" and that "we don't hit") I usually took the brunt of it, since it was usually me who annoyed either one of them somehow and bcuz they knew I was too much of a pushover to retaliate. However, whenever I went to either my mom or stepfather and complained about this to them and would ask, "why don't you scold them?" they would always tell me, "Well, she's just a baby/toddler, and you're a big girl." Sometimes my stepfather would just tell me, "She's two," or, "She's three," meaning that because they were so young, discipline wasn't warranted.

At the time, I was convinced that well into my adulthood, I would be hearing, "Oh, she can't help it, she's 40," or something like that. It didn't occur to me until I was at least a teenager that you really can't scold or punish a baby for doing something "bad;" that all you can do is just tell them "no," or "we don't hit/bite/pull hair." It's usually not until they get to be a bit older that they can understand, "when you hurt someone, it makes them sad, so don't do it."

...It's just that, at the age of 9 or 10, I couldn't understand why my 2 and 3-year-old half-sisters were let off the hook for things that I'd get hung high (metaphorically speaking) for.

But, did anyone else ever have trouble with realizing that things are not "done" the same for all people - just like I didn't understand why my baby sisters weren't punished for things I'd get punished for? Or does this sound more like the run-of-the-mill "the babies get away with everything!" complaint that lots of older siblings have?

Failure to relate to others and their individual situations is kinda an issue with autism people. We need to see things through our own eyes to understand what is being portrayed. Mix that with your development level at that age (9 year olds are not adults despite them thinking they are (i did)) and it is totally normal.

I still have issues putting myself in others shoes at times.

I can relate to what you are saying. I had the same problem too as a child. Telling me "he is three years old" or telling me "he is two" didn't work. I just thought I was being treated unfairly. Same as if I were given a different punishment from another child, I thought it was unfair. I also treated everyone how I was treated so I ended up acting like a mini adult and in control because that was what i had learned form grown ups. I used to tell other kids what to say. I also hit too. I remember a teacher telling me "excuse me, what did you just say?" and I told her again "I am sorry Mrs. Locke, I can't talk to you" and then she told me "You don't say that to teachers, only to other kids." That was the last time I ever said it to a grown up at school because I understood it was a no no and they had authority. I least I understood that area and I didn't go acting like a teacher at school.

I was ten when I started to understand. I just saw it as like only kids this age can do this or that. I didn't know why then why it was like that. I know now just because something is normal doesn't mean you allow it. I won't even let my son ruin my things or touch stuff he can ruin while most parents will because "he is just a baby." To me it's just an excuse for lazy parenting. Then the older kids have to be the bad guys when they are upset their fort got ruined or their school project. I felt it was unfair as a child and I still feel that way as an adult.

This thread reminds me of something from my childhood: When my brother was around 4 years old, he went through a serious "potty-mouth" phase where he was seemingly fixated on bodily waste. I was 7 years old at the time; I would tell my mom about it only for her to respond, "He's just going through a phase." I didn't go through that phase! And I couldn't understand why my mom wouldn't make him stop.

I've noticed that when kids go through a normal phase, parents think it's acceptable and that they have to tolerate it so they allow it to happen and they don't bother trying to stop it or give out consequences. I think it's just the impression they all get when they read about child development and they go "Oh this is normal so I ignore it and they outgrow it."

Did you act like them at their age? I know my problem with kids is that NT kids are not at all like AS kids. I took care of my 3 younger siblings but they all has AS like me. I can not relate to NT kids. Perhaps your parents better understood how to deal with the kids than you did because you could not relate to them.