If you can't define how you feel, how do you know to leave?

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I am an aspie who has real difficulty maintaining stances in terms of perception. I am also in what I deem a difficult relationship with my parents. However, my perspective changes so often due to myslf and also outside forces, i.e. parents, food allergies, environmental allergies, other stressors, etc.

So in essence, how do you know when to leave, when you:

A: can't get a response from the psychologist you can't see right now because you have no money for sessions because mommy keeps buying crap she shouldn't eat or buy instead of saving up, then claims s**t about the magickal home business THAT IS DOING NOTHING
and
B. your parents are really strange psychos sometimes who also -love- you but are too wily to ever lay a finger on your sorry ass

and if you can, when everything keeps changing?

I guess I have to wait LONGER, till the end of this year, to make a decision. i feel stifled in any direction I turn. wait, get screwed. don't wait, get screwed. i can't stand the constant complaining and arguments, but I also enjoy my ass being warm at night and i need vitamins, so I guess I have to stay here for now till an option comes along that i can recognize is ACTUALLY an option instead of a pipe dream from their nasty coffee fumes (TO WHICH I AM ALLERGIC b*****s. f**k.

oops. i guess this turned into another one of my virgo moon ranty loops. my bad.

Logic. I long ago learned that my emotions were not that great for making determinations about things. In my case they are either way too strong or nonexistent and following them would cause too much chaos. So instead I basically live life by a series of "if-then" commands. My morality comes from my Christian faith and keeps me on an even keel, giving me guidance outside my feelings. For other things I tend to make check lists either on paper or in my head. I look at the macro first then try to sort all of the details so that I can know the outcome as much as possible. If the end of the flowchart is homelessness, death or some other unpleasant outcome then I know the course of action to be improper.

and when your logic is not working properly and givingyou the answer you are asking it for? Waht then? you go to a third party, which is waht I keep tryign ot do here.
I can;t think anymore. plus it's late. I opst crap lik this when it's late, or theres been yet another argument. URG. amybe I'm turning borderline becaue of circumstances... or her. which would piss me off. You believe in God? good for you. I don;t know WHAt to beleive in half the time. it's like my surf board keeps flipping in my sleep. and soemtimes when I'm awake. I can;t move out becuae I'm blocked at every turn, and I feel manipulated by my mother, and my enabler father. SOOOOO... what does GOd say about that?

;O NOTHING! I hear no fragrant voice departing from the heavens! Only fragments of what MIGHT be my -guides- telling me soething i THINK MAYBE IGHT be something useful, but again, since it is in FRAGMENTS i can;t be sure. every tiem I pick a road, it changes into s**t. WOW. logic has tuned to mush in my brain, and in the immortal words of River Song, the Docto is dying, please, please help. Except I'm not the Doctor. In my mind when I feel like this, i imagine that my mother is cyberizing me, turning me into a cyberman.. wow now I have an image to use! dude thanks! the question her is, is my mother reallly doing that ,or do i ahve some undiagnosed problem? this is ALL I want to know. NO ONE, not even my f*****g psychologist thtat (according t my mother who keeps buying f*****g CAKE that I can;t eat and eating that and other no no foods that cause my allergies in front of me) we can;t afford right now, has helped me with this. at least, i cannot recognize it as help. SAVVY? where's the logic here, when logic doens; function properly in your brain once your mother is -through- with you? eh? or maybe I'm just paranoid. stop hiding behind GOD and take hold of yourself. I've been trying ot do that for years, and every time i think i have, SOMETHING my mother does, in my opinion, causes me to -relapse- as it were. I am sick of not knowing if it is HER or ME. SICK OF IT. not getting any info form the universe that I can decipher and USE isn;thelping either. are they just telling me to WAIT? MORE THAN I ALREADY HAVE? JESUS CHRIST. But I will abide. becue many people out there have HORRIBLE lives compared to me. so, FINE, Life. FINE.
;OCrises are a part of life. ignoring them instead of picking up your sword and wading into battle only leads to self-delusion.

Now, if GOD/whoever smacked me in the face with a two byfour then handed me a mirror, then maybe i would understand what the universe is trying to tell me. until then., what the f**k?

love and honeybees, all.