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jinto1986
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09 Oct 2012, 11:58 pm

I was told earlier today, by a mom of an aspie who claims to be an expert (and know more than me... an aspie with a Master's in Sped...) that aspies are always a few years behind. This sort of logic just annoys me. I have worked with 100s of aspies, and while many were a bit immature, particularly socially; many were also incredibly mature (sometimes socially). Beyond this she claimed that all maturity was just social (no behavioral maturity, intellectual maturity, etc).

I myself find that even now I am mature beyond many of my peers. I don't binge drink. I keep a more modest budget. I have never run up a credit card. I have a ****ing Master's degree. Etc. Yet, I am immature in every single way just because I am not so good socially. This annoys me. Does anyone else feel this way? Does anyone know of any studies about this?
Jinto

P.S. Yes I know harping on this is a sign of immaturity... but I hate when I am told I am wrong about myself and about what I have devoted the past 10 years to studying.



emimeni
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10 Oct 2012, 12:04 am

I think any human being would often think about things that upset them, never mind one with an ASD.

And yeah. I'd be upset, too. All because something is true generally doesn't mean it's always true in one specific case.


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NHASPIE629
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10 Oct 2012, 12:08 am

I'm mature. It doesn't matter when I drink one beer or many. I don't drive. I don't even dare have the thought in my head. Once i've made the decision to drink my keys go in the drawer.

but then again. The occasional fart joke cracks me up. :lol:



jinto1986
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10 Oct 2012, 12:14 am

The thing is... she has worked with 1 aspie, her daughter, and maybe known a few dozen more... I have worked with 100s, and known many more. I have seen a lot of aspie immature, but then again I have seen a lot of maturity in aspies. Then she tried saying I was immature (which in some ways I am) but the ways she gives, I am generally more mature than my brother who granted is 3 years younger but I was more mature when I was his age too. I was working a teaching job in Korea... he is working at the supermarket. I had lived 4 years in dorms, he lived 2 months in dorms and came running back. I had been out of the country 4 times, he has lived in the midwest his whole life. Neither of us are married or close so tie there. I think what I hate most about it is that she doesn't consider intellectual maturity a type of maturity... and it really sort of means she doesn't respect me :-/. Just makes the whole living situation hard... and I am a charity case for another week so :-/.

Edited to add that it was 5 times I had been out of the country... forgot the 3 day trip to Canada



equestriatola
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10 Oct 2012, 12:32 am

I'd say I more mature than I was 10 years ago; although I am juvenile in my humor and a few other aspects of my life.


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10 Oct 2012, 1:03 am

I am not the most mature person, but I don't see how you can be described as immature based on that description.


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dazedorconfused
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10 Oct 2012, 1:39 am

Jinto, I know exactly where you are and have obsessed about it myself. What I have found is that a complex idea like maturity is something a lot of people boil down. You are looking at all aspects of maturity. In contrast the person in question may be thinking that maturity is only measured by the number of "so called" friends, the desire to be close, or something similar.

This is a chance for you to show your maturity by realizing this isn't your failure, and by this point in her life you will not be able to change her. It is like running into anyone else with a single minded interest like (x group of people) are better than (y group of people).

Any NTs here? Just wondering do you think she said this looking for some kind of emotional response or something? I find with situations like this the person doesn't actually want to discuss data... so why did they say it?



muslimmetalhead
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10 Oct 2012, 6:07 am

Its "socio-emotional" maturity.
One cannot simply "-act" mature. That is called being on your best behavior.
lack of Maturity is the whole emotional disconnect many Aspies deal with.
that does not mean we cannot attempt to behave decently( many of us do) rather, we are somewhat unwise about these small details
of dealing with life

perpetual adolescence, one may call it.
Forever 21 lol


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10 Oct 2012, 8:13 am

If a small group of NT girls in their 20s giggling at me because I was with my mum isn't immature, then I don't know what is. I can never imagine an Aspie behaving like that.


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jinto1986
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10 Oct 2012, 11:15 am

The funny thing, now that I think about it is, she says every aspie is 4 years behind maturity wise period. When I was 20, I lived for 5 months in Korea, totally on their own. I couldn't speak/read/write Korean. 90% of the time, I had no clue what I was ordering at restaurants (and communicating with servers is a difficulty). I didn't know how to cook what I could buy (eel isn't something I cook with often in America). Twice Korean bank machines ate my debit card and I had to get along with nothing but the money in my pocket and a couple of travelers checks (which can be hard to use). Yet, I was able to mostly prosper when living there, learned a ton, and had a lot of fun. I would love to see an average 16 year old try to do that (no doubt they could do much of it... but not alone). If that isn't maturity I don't know what is.