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starquake
Raven
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12 Oct 2012, 12:38 pm

sorry to bother you all with yet another meltdown topic, but my meltdowns - although they now only happen once in a while because I try to live my life in a way that I exclude all possible triggers - make me very sad.

usual causes for me are either when someone misunderstands me and I can't explain what I _really_ mean, traffic situations when something rude and unexpected happens (eg someone who clearly makes a mistake, instead of accepting it and saying 'i'm sorry', makes me believe that it was my fault), and worst of all - an instant trigger - if something does not work the way it designed to work - eg a button does not turn something on, or a chainsaw chain that always goes too loose (silly examples, sorry :D ).

then, during my meltdown, I go berserk, ruining my tools and stuff, throwing them away, ruining them, me yelling rude 4-letter words (actually I keep repeating the same 4-5 words for minutes eg (that f*king f*king sh*t f*king sh*t f*k damn sh*t (sorry again for the example))). and meanwhile I feel, that what I'm doing is ridiculous and abnormal, and that I shouldn't be doing it. but somehow I just can't stop. it's like having two brains inside: one that controls my body, and another that is trying to take over control, completely clear, and telling me "hey, this is just silly, everyone is in fear because of you".

this all wouldn't bother me that much, if there wasn't my wife and dog. my wife learned to live with this side of mine, although I know it's very heavy for her. but my dog can't understand what happened to his daddy, he's running away, hiding, and shaking from the fear, although I've NEVER beaten him or anyone else, other than objects.

so this makes me very sad, and I wish so much I could STOP while having a meltdown. I know that I can't prevent it completely, although I'm trying hard (eg. not buying cheap tools that can go wrong easily, but only expensive, precise ones, and driving very defensively to prevent bad traffic situations, and telling to myself often "hey, take it easy"). but it still happens here and then.

so my question is. is there ANY technique to make a meltdown as short as possible? if I can't get rid of it, I'd at least like to make it shorter, because I can hardly live like this forever. I don't want to make people or my dog sad, and have a single moment of fear because of my behaviour. it's so terrible, because I clearly know how they feel during my meltdowns, and how could a dog forgive me? I know, some may say, he's just a dog. but we're planning to have a baby now... I don't want my future child to witness daddy going insane.

pls help!

(and sorry for my english, I'm not a native speaker)



lazamb_girl
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12 Oct 2012, 1:01 pm

Oh you sound a lot like me. :D
I used to get irritated and have a scowl even when I am wearing my shoes and my feet do not go in.
This is further multiplied when my parents point it out to me and I am grumpy the whole time I am out.

This may sound cliched. when you are about to have this melt down, immediately go away from this object which is irritating you. Take a tiny break and a deep breath. It actually works for me. I let out a deep, even loud sigh. and then get back to it.
I know how much resilience this takes. But do try it a few times.
I hope it works for you too,



analyser23
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12 Oct 2012, 1:06 pm

Everyone is different, but for me I need to retreat immediately somewhere quiet where I can be on my own to ride out the intense emotions until my rational brain can be heard again. From there I might need a distraction like my special interest - a book, internet, something! My partner can be helpful here too by holding me or by fixing what went wrong while I calm down. I go from 0 to 100 in a second & then I get stuck at 100 for ages :( I often feel the need to throw & break things. We have these 'pool noodles' (tubes of foam) & I will try to use that instead & hit the bed or something like with it, as I need to get the emotion out of my system. The more I fight the emotion, the worse it gets. Ideally my partner will help by validating my feelings, but this is hard for him.
It's hard isn't it? :( I mainly just try to isolate myself from people until the emotion subsides enough. I have a child who has witnessed my meltdowns & it is true - it isnt a good thing for them to see, I hate it :(



SickInDaHead
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12 Oct 2012, 2:57 pm

Hey Starquake are you also strung out from lack of sleep or overwork? To be bothered by such simple things is normal, but fatigue will give you a very short fuse.



Silas
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12 Oct 2012, 3:12 pm

Starquake:

I sympathize completely, because I suffer from the same meltdowns (and so does my Aspie son). I didn't realize what a problem they were until I age 39

I think they are the result of a number of factors:

1. Perfectionism: especially if I am building something, trying to fix something, etc. I get easily frustrated, and the frustration builds quickly.
2. Pent-up anger over various things that builds up over time. Someone slights me, something is going wrong in my life, etc.
3. Rigidity: I have to do something one specific way and if it doesn't work out, I get flustered.

I then I go from 0-100 in a second. Start swearing, pounding tables, and acting like Hitler in the bunker. I've even lashed out verbally at people and then have felt bad about it later.

it doesn't happen very often, but when it does it is a big problem. My wife gets mad at me (understandibly), and I feel like a crazy person afterwards. It is like you say--one side of the brain just goes off.

I am making a conscious effort to work on it now, but it is tough. It seems to be a part of my personality.



Radiofixr
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12 Oct 2012, 4:33 pm

Silas wrote:
Starquake:

I sympathize completely, because I suffer from the same meltdowns (and so does my Aspie son). I didn't realize what a problem they were until I age 39

I think they are the result of a number of factors:

1. Perfectionism: especially if I am building something, trying to fix something, etc. I get easily frustrated, and the frustration builds quickly.
2. Pent-up anger over various things that builds up over time. Someone slights me, something is going wrong in my life, etc.
3. Rigidity: I have to do something one specific way and if it doesn't work out, I get flustered.

I then I go from 0-100 in a second. Start swearing, pounding tables, and acting like Hitler in the bunker. I've even lashed out verbally at people and then have felt bad about it later.

it doesn't happen very often, but when it does it is a big problem. My wife gets mad at me (understandibly), and I feel like a crazy person afterwards. It is like you say--one side of the brain just goes off.

I am making a conscious effort to work on it now, but it is tough. It seems to be a part of my personality.



I am the same was as above-I get overwhelmed very easily and meltdown and shutdown severely


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