Don't feel like Aspergers is necessarily a part of me anymor

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I don't feel like Aspergers is necessarily a part of me anymore.

I believe at-least my Aspergers is at-least mostly genetic. I don't think of my Aspergers as a defect, or something which should be cured.

I feel like I have an outgoing personality, I love socializing, but my Aspergers makes it so hard, and exhausting. I don't like the way it holds me back. Sometimes I wish I could get rid of the problems that go with it, if I have to get rid of my gifts, it's worth it.

Right now I feel like it's not a part of me, it's been like a blanket my whole like, a blanket pushing me down, stoping me from doing what I love.

Anyone have any advice, or has anyone had/does anyone have similar thoughts?

I'm quite social too but I get that feeling of exhaustion becuaseof all the work involved. I've read hundreds of books on communication, body language and confidence, all those sorts of things. While I am undeniably better for it, got to the point where I don;t think i can learn and apply anymore than I have done - there will always be this thin layer of aspieness and there will be thoses sensitive NTs who will see right through my attempts at "faking normal".

At the same time I can;t really think about not having this - all my mad little interests and just finding out and exploring the breadth and depth of particular subjects hours passing by without you realising. My super cool fantasy world and being able to assemble flatpack furniture without reading instructions. I really value those things.

Trying hard now not to see it as spearate from me just another layer to my identity like my gender and ethnicity etc.

Yes, I agree. There are some people on this forum that feel their AS is such a big part of who they are that to cure them would be to murder them. I can't relate. To me, AS is completely unrelated to my personality. It pervades every aspect of my life, but it is not a part of who I am on the deepest level.

Your post is contradictory to me, you say it's something that is not a defect and should not be cured, but you say you want a cure and that your AS holds you back from socializing successfully.

My AS is more or less caused by right brain hemisphere problems, I have NVLD but for all intents and purposes it acts like AS, and I've been diagnosed both. So I don't really see it as a "positive" part of me, I just see it as a defect. It's in some ways advantageous, but I don't know if it's anymore advantageous than if I didn't have it. The main problem is the lack of balance it gives me in everything in life. One part of my brain is genius, and one part is almost ret*d. So it's just so unbalanced to live with. My verbal IQ is like 130+, but my nonverbal is about 80 (or possibly less) I'd rather just have both sides be 130, but I don't know if I'd trade for both sides being 100s.

I don't want a "cure" right now. I have gone through periods of time in the past, where I have wanted one though.
I have never thought of it as something which SHOULD be cured, but I have wanted the option.

I love my AS - it is part of me and always was, even before I knew it was there.

I tried all my life to fit in and couldn't understand why a person who was clearly intelligent had so little ability to do what everyone else does so easily.

After I discovered AS that made sense and I could let go of all my angst (well most of it) about how I fit with other people and could get on with being myself and allowing myself to be who I felt was me.

now I can do all those things I didn't let myself do because they were "inappropriate" - spinning, playing with lights, etc. My special interest is autism and now it's my work too.

I love my ability to focus, I love being free to follow my interests and earn my living through them, I love that I can play and not feel guilty anymore.