End my conversation - and now everything is fine?
Mods: Feel free to move this to another forum, maybe religion? because it is kind of about that.
Last night I went to a meeting of a support group I go to. Maybe I should not even talk about this but it bothers me so much that I am ready to bust. It has to do with religion. One of the members (not real name) is "Scott". I thought Scott was a cool guy because he rides motorcycles and is a guitarist and I was showing him my guitar at the beginning before the meeting (sometimes I practice there). Scott talked about a spiritual awakening and told that he grew up Catholic and thought God was to be feared but he was getting his Masters in Divinity.
I talked to Scott afterwards about our experiences with our Catholic church and I told him that I did not go to church anymore because many of the people of the Catholic church have been mean to me and my family. He then went off on me about "Why do think the whole church is mean, they do a lot of good". I then asked the question I always wondered about: Why is it Catholics HAVE To go to church and other faiths do not HAVE to. That is, is there some kind of an explanation? He then kinda yelled "that's not the church that's your parents, why condemn the whole church".
Then he said THIS CONVERSATION IS GOING IN A DIRECTION I DON'T WANT TO GO AND I'M ENDING IT.I never had anyone say this to me about anything In My Life. I was taken aback at this. I don't know how to handle it. Then Scott told me to "keep up with the guitar and see ya" as if nothing had happened and everything was OK. I did not say anything back, everything was NOT OK.
Now don't think I should speak to him at all or wonder if I should even come back. I guess it kind of scared me. How would you have handled the situation. I can't stand it when people yell an then act like every thing is fine. But I guess that's my fault isn't it (being on the spectrum)?
If so, being on the spectrum, are we ever right? Also, if I really believed in the Catholic faith I would think that I would go to hell over this and boy, is that a scare!
Perhaps one reason this scared me is that one of the things the doctors told my parents to do was to have me shake the hand of the priest after church, which terrified me as a child. Here, you just heard a priest usually semi yell and guilt trip during a sermon, then you shake their hand of someone you don't even know like everything is fine? I guess we can't cope with that but the NT kids can?
Bob.
I think you should visit the meetings as before, but better avoid religious topics.
Years ago i made a similar experience with a co--worker who was a Jehovah's Witness and he got mad at me when I said I think one can practice his spirituality in solitude just as well as in a congregation.
Since then I avoid these topics even in online friendships since people are so fanatical about religion.
I know exactly what you mean. My husband does this a lot and can't seem to understand why it upsets me. We will go into a huge argument about something, then he will just stop and say "I'm not doing this." Then 10 minutes later he still can't understand why I'm still upset.
As for the religious stuff, I can say this as a devout Christian: Christians have the same problem as rednecks... Nothing wrong with the whole lot of them except we can't keep the more ignorant among us quiet.
Hi Bob -
honestly, it sounds like you were dealing with a stubborn someone who cannot see out of their own box, one that is not willing to discuss a difference of mind-set or opinion - or that those things even exist - don't take it personally.
If otherwise the group is positive for you, continue it by all means!
And I agree COMPLETELY about having to shake someone's hand who yelled at and guilt tripped you.
That's a scary thing for anyone!
- - - - -
In my case I was told - the whole congregation was - that we are born sinners.
I was a young teen 12-14 years old - and seemingly NT at the time; I was one of those kids that never said a peep or stepped out of line, so I could not understand how a child could be a sinner!
It was very uncomfortable, and that pretty much was it for religion for me - a couple other questions I'd had before, but that "you are ALL sinners!" thing was the final straw.
I did love my Narnia books, so in some way I was still getting the Golden Rule message.
At this point I consider myself "Agnostic but hopeful."
If there is a God I think of him as the Great Scientist in the sky who is rather fond of our Universe's petri dish.
To me that seems a logical way of taking it all in; just try to be as good a person that I can be for the sake of being a happy person, and most importantly by contributing to those around me.
Every year at Christmas time we bring out the Nativity and put it up together with the children, and talk about the Story - often reading aloud books that look at it from different perspectives.
I tell our children that we are celebrating the birth of a man who had a beautiful message to teach the world.
That seems to work for them - and it gives them a positive jumping point for their own spiritual beliefs as they grow.
And yes, they all have their own copies of the Narnia books!
Aged 11, I was physically beaten with a cane by the headmaster of my school for not praying aloud in the morning assembly to Jesus and a god I did not believe existed. That beating (and all those that followed) did nothing to change that opinion. A good subsequent science education at university removed any final doubts about the existence of any such sky fairies.
Going back to the OPs point. Some people aren't brave enough to deeply question religious matters and can't handle conversations about religious beliefs, it unsettles them too much, especially if it raises doubts about things they hold dear to their core belief systems. It seems your friend was one of those people, so he shut you down. Better than him beating you with a cane though!
_________________
I've left WP indefinitely.
As for the religious stuff, I can say this as a devout Christian: Christians have the same problem as rednecks... Nothing wrong with the whole lot of them except we can't keep the more ignorant among us quiet.
I won't be discussing religion with the guy anymore but since he was going for a Masters of Divinity wouldn't he know about such matters? I mean, people say never discuss religion but what if you have a religion question?
What you just said happens with your husband is one reason why I cannot handle a relationship at all, at least you are in a relationship (is it successful?). How do NTs handle this, upset and then have to pretend everything is fine?
NT's just fake it and smooth over religious conflicts.
Most NT's instinctually realise that discussing religion is a nono
Oddly, many religious people are on the spectrum, many. That goes for Islam Buddhism Hare Krishna... all of them
It provides socialisation in a kinder environment, which on the surface is ideal for aspies....
My fathers side were persecuted and kicked out of France by the Catholics about 400 years ago
My mothers side were victims of genocide because of religious orientation, about 100 years ago
I am destined to be an iconoclast... yet I am deeply spiritual
My relationship is successful and we've been together for almost 2 years and married for a few months. We do have a lot of communication issues, but we work through them. It's something you have to actively want and work for, and isn't right for every Aspie. It's not easy, for either of us, but we have both dedicated ourselves to making it work.