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skibum
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09 Aug 2019, 9:52 am

outerspacenik wrote:
Hi skibum. I real really compatible with you like we are in tune. Your comment on my comment about still being alive when all the odds appear to be stacked against us shows how special we are. Why we should never put ourselves down or never let anybody do it to us. I am only seeing this for the first time in my early 70s. I am not copping any putdowns from anybody anymore.
Wow, you can't even understand how I am moved to read this post. Thank you. I am actually tearing up right now. It feels so good to know how you can relate to the intensity of this struggle. In fact only a very few of my HFA friends feel some of that level of intensity in daily life but none of them feel it as much or as frequently as I do. I have found that even among HFAs, not all of them feel like it can be a daily literal life and death struggle. I only specify HFAs because I do not know enough LFAs personally or intimately enough to speak on their behalf. I would like to, I just don't yet.

But when I attend Special Olympics or outings with my local Autism support groups, many of them, although they have significant struggles, have struggles that seem to pale in comparison to mine. But people do not understand because I have no visible outward signs of disability at all. I look completely nt and physically normal. I have a lifelong physical disability as well which is also invisible and when it flares up, it can be very severe and also potentially life threatening. It is only when people spend intimate time with me that they begin to understand that I am so severely affected by Autism and by my genetic hypertonia that I really should not be able to be alive.

I have had people argue with me that I should not be classified as a level three Autistic because they assume that I am a level one because of my appearance and my ability to do many things as well or even better than they can. I am nothing like "their children." But they are astounded once they understand that their children who have the obvious visible signs of what would be considered level three, are much more capable of dealing with levels of certain types of stimuli than I am. Things that will send me into a life threatening state of overload shock, does not even affect them in the least. But because of my physical appearance and my ability to do things when I am able to do them, which is only for short periods of time, everyone is fooled and everyone puts expectations on me that could potentially cost me my life. But many level one or even level two Autistic adults that I spend time with at the social meetups, cannot not even comprehend how neurologically fragile I really am and how difficult it can be for me to sustain just life and existence.

I am so grateful that you get it and that I am not alone. Thank you. I will always be here for you. :heart:


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livingwithautism
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09 Aug 2019, 2:45 pm

skibum wrote:
outerspacenik wrote:
Hi skibum. I real really compatible with you like we are in tune. Your comment on my comment about still being alive when all the odds appear to be stacked against us shows how special we are. Why we should never put ourselves down or never let anybody do it to us. I am only seeing this for the first time in my early 70s. I am not copping any putdowns from anybody anymore.
Wow, you can't even understand how I am moved to read this post. Thank you. I am actually tearing up right now. It feels so good to know how you can relate to the intensity of this struggle. In fact only a very few of my HFA friends feel some of that level of intensity in daily life but none of them feel it as much or as frequently as I do. I have found that even among HFAs, not all of them feel like it can be a daily literal life and death struggle. I only specify HFAs because I do not know enough LFAs personally or intimately enough to speak on their behalf. I would like to, I just don't yet.

But when I attend Special Olympics or outings with my local Autism support groups, many of them, although they have significant struggles, have struggles that seem to pale in comparison to mine. But people do not understand because I have no visible outward signs of disability at all. I look completely nt and physically normal. I have a lifelong physical disability as well which is also invisible and when it flares up, it can be very severe and also potentially life threatening. It is only when people spend intimate time with me that they begin to understand that I am so severely affected by Autism and by my genetic hypertonia that I really should not be able to be alive.

I have had people argue with me that I should not be classified as a level three Autistic because they assume that I am a level one because of my appearance and my ability to do many things as well or even better than they can. I am nothing like "their children." But they are astounded once they understand that their children who have the obvious visible signs of what would be considered level three, are much more capable of dealing with levels of certain types of stimuli than I am. Things that will send me into a life threatening state of overload shock, does not even affect them in the least. But because of my physical appearance and my ability to do things when I am able to do them, which is only for short periods of time, everyone is fooled and everyone puts expectations on me that could potentially cost me my life. But many level one or even level two Autistic adults that I spend time with at the social meetups, cannot not even comprehend how neurologically fragile I really am and how difficult it can be for me to sustain just life and existence.

I am so grateful that you get it and that I am not alone. Thank you. I will always be here for you. :heart:

I had no idea you were level 3. I'm level 2.



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09 Aug 2019, 2:46 pm

fuelred wrote:
What was the most ignorant thing you've heard someone say about autism? A comment that I've heard was that autistics are only smart in a specific area and are "ret*d" when it comes to everything else. And of course, there are people who don't know what autism is at all and assume that it's a form of mental retardation.


Haha. If you can accept hyperbole as a level of humor I find this statement amusingly accurate and funny at least for my type of AS. :)



livingwithautism
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09 Aug 2019, 2:47 pm

skibum wrote:
outerspacenik wrote:
Hi skibum. I real really compatible with you like we are in tune. Your comment on my comment about still being alive when all the odds appear to be stacked against us shows how special we are. Why we should never put ourselves down or never let anybody do it to us. I am only seeing this for the first time in my early 70s. I am not copping any putdowns from anybody anymore.
Wow, you can't even understand how I am moved to read this post. Thank you. I am actually tearing up right now. It feels so good to know how you can relate to the intensity of this struggle. In fact only a very few of my HFA friends feel some of that level of intensity in daily life but none of them feel it as much or as frequently as I do. I have found that even among HFAs, not all of them feel like it can be a daily literal life and death struggle. I only specify HFAs because I do not know enough LFAs personally or intimately enough to speak on their behalf. I would like to, I just don't yet.

But when I attend Special Olympics or outings with my local Autism support groups, many of them, although they have significant struggles, have struggles that seem to pale in comparison to mine. But people do not understand because I have no visible outward signs of disability at all. I look completely nt and physically normal. I have a lifelong physical disability as well which is also invisible and when it flares up, it can be very severe and also potentially life threatening. It is only when people spend intimate time with me that they begin to understand that I am so severely affected by Autism and by my genetic hypertonia that I really should not be able to be alive.

I have had people argue with me that I should not be classified as a level three Autistic because they assume that I am a level one because of my appearance and my ability to do many things as well or even better than they can. I am nothing like "their children." But they are astounded once they understand that their children who have the obvious visible signs of what would be considered level three, are much more capable of dealing with levels of certain types of stimuli than I am. Things that will send me into a life threatening state of overload shock, does not even affect them in the least. But because of my physical appearance and my ability to do things when I am able to do them, which is only for short periods of time, everyone is fooled and everyone puts expectations on me that could potentially cost me my life. But many level one or even level two Autistic adults that I spend time with at the social meetups, cannot not even comprehend how neurologically fragile I really am and how difficult it can be for me to sustain just life and existence.

I am so grateful that you get it and that I am not alone. Thank you. I will always be here for you. :heart:

I had no idea you were level 3. I'm level 2.



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09 Aug 2019, 2:55 pm

skibum wrote:
I actually had a counselor tell me that all Autistic people are defiant and love to argue.


I'm currently working with a therapist who works only with autistic people. She has her PHd with a specialty in autism so she's pretty current on things.
While that statement is hyperbolic (does not apply to all) she did say that PDA (pathological demand avoidance) is a common theme in autism and/or asperger's. For me it worked as a helpful defense mechanism and I think I would have had a much more difficult time coping in life it weren't for that attitude. I can see where that misconception came from though.



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09 Aug 2019, 3:00 pm

skibum wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
skibum wrote:
I actually had a counselor tell me that all Autistic people are defiant and love to argue.



That is probably her perception. I don't think they like to argue, they just get into arguments because they think you are not understanding them so they keep "arguing" when their intention is trying to get you to get it and understand. They have no idea you have a different perspective or that you see it differently.

Every autistic person is different so not all of them are going to "argue" and they will instead think you are an idiot and not bother engaging with you or think you don't really care and don't want to get it so there is no point in that discussion.
I do not love to argue, in fact, I don't like to argue at all. But if I am logically correct and the other person is just wrong, I will argue quite passionately. And by the same token, once I see that I am wrong, I will accept and admit that right away but I have to actually be wrong. Usually when I argue with an nt it is because I see things very logically and factually and the nt sees things emotionally and socially and those things have no real ground to stand on. Emotional and social premises change in a moment depending on how the content makes one feel so there is no conviction. Logic and facts never change no matter what one feels. I get accused of speaking with authority like that is a bad thing. But the authority that I speak with is not my own. Sound familiar? The facts speak for themselves, I don't have to have authority in and of myself, I just have to keep the facts straight. But a lot of nts don't like that if they happen to be wrong so they accuse me of being argumentative.



I only argue when I think someone isn't understanding me. Then I think they are just troll when I realize I am arguing with an idiot. They are either that stupid or a troll.


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skibum
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09 Aug 2019, 8:49 pm

livingwithautism wrote:
skibum wrote:
outerspacenik wrote:
Hi skibum. I real really compatible with you like we are in tune. Your comment on my comment about still being alive when all the odds appear to be stacked against us shows how special we are. Why we should never put ourselves down or never let anybody do it to us. I am only seeing this for the first time in my early 70s. I am not copping any putdowns from anybody anymore.
Wow, you can't even understand how I am moved to read this post. Thank you. I am actually tearing up right now. It feels so good to know how you can relate to the intensity of this struggle. In fact only a very few of my HFA friends feel some of that level of intensity in daily life but none of them feel it as much or as frequently as I do. I have found that even among HFAs, not all of them feel like it can be a daily literal life and death struggle. I only specify HFAs because I do not know enough LFAs personally or intimately enough to speak on their behalf. I would like to, I just don't yet.

But when I attend Special Olympics or outings with my local Autism support groups, many of them, although they have significant struggles, have struggles that seem to pale in comparison to mine. But people do not understand because I have no visible outward signs of disability at all. I look completely nt and physically normal. I have a lifelong physical disability as well which is also invisible and when it flares up, it can be very severe and also potentially life threatening. It is only when people spend intimate time with me that they begin to understand that I am so severely affected by Autism and by my genetic hypertonia that I really should not be able to be alive.

I have had people argue with me that I should not be classified as a level three Autistic because they assume that I am a level one because of my appearance and my ability to do many things as well or even better than they can. I am nothing like "their children." But they are astounded once they understand that their children who have the obvious visible signs of what would be considered level three, are much more capable of dealing with levels of certain types of stimuli than I am. Things that will send me into a life threatening state of overload shock, does not even affect them in the least. But because of my physical appearance and my ability to do things when I am able to do them, which is only for short periods of time, everyone is fooled and everyone puts expectations on me that could potentially cost me my life. But many level one or even level two Autistic adults that I spend time with at the social meetups, cannot not even comprehend how neurologically fragile I really am and how difficult it can be for me to sustain just life and existence.

I am so grateful that you get it and that I am not alone. Thank you. I will always be here for you. :heart:

I had no idea you were level 3. I'm level 2.
Yep! I am one of those unusual level threes. I think my kind might be pretty rare. But yes, I am a level three even though until you know me well, you would assume that I was a level one.


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skibum
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09 Aug 2019, 8:53 pm

League_Girl wrote:
skibum wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
skibum wrote:
I actually had a counselor tell me that all Autistic people are defiant and love to argue.



That is probably her perception. I don't think they like to argue, they just get into arguments because they think you are not understanding them so they keep "arguing" when their intention is trying to get you to get it and understand. They have no idea you have a different perspective or that you see it differently.

Every autistic person is different so not all of them are going to "argue" and they will instead think you are an idiot and not bother engaging with you or think you don't really care and don't want to get it so there is no point in that discussion.
I do not love to argue, in fact, I don't like to argue at all. But if I am logically correct and the other person is just wrong, I will argue quite passionately. And by the same token, once I see that I am wrong, I will accept and admit that right away but I have to actually be wrong. Usually when I argue with an nt it is because I see things very logically and factually and the nt sees things emotionally and socially and those things have no real ground to stand on. Emotional and social premises change in a moment depending on how the content makes one feel so there is no conviction. Logic and facts never change no matter what one feels. I get accused of speaking with authority like that is a bad thing. But the authority that I speak with is not my own. Sound familiar? The facts speak for themselves, I don't have to have authority in and of myself, I just have to keep the facts straight. But a lot of nts don't like that if they happen to be wrong so they accuse me of being argumentative.



I only argue when I think someone isn't understanding me. Then I think they are just troll when I realize I am arguing with an idiot. They are either that stupid or a troll.
That's funny. Unfortunately for me, I don't realize that they are trolling until it's too late. But fortunately I can recognize idiots a lot of the time. :D


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09 Aug 2019, 9:02 pm

I read in an article about this topic that this one parent was told their child was autistic because it was a punishment from God for getting their kid vaccinated.

There was quote from me in the same article where I said I had heard that Peppa Pig gave kids autism, but whoever said was probably just being a troll.

And a couple of couple of days ago I saw an Insane Parent post where a mother asked why their 5-year-old was just diagnosed with autism even though he didn't vaccinated. Another genius replied that the doctor must have secretly vaccinated him against the mother's wishes. I'm actually worried and afraid for this kid's well-being or even their life, unless the genius mother realizes her kid being autistic isn't horrible or the end of the world. :(



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09 Aug 2019, 10:18 pm

skibum wrote:
Yes, sometimes you just have to nod and recognize stupidity where it shows.
Sometimes people are just ignorant & open to learning. There are times people can debate & come to an agreement &/or realize there is misunderstanding/misinformation. There are times & situations where you should debate & maybe even argue your point across. However I'm still learning to tell the difference between situations where I should debate/argue & situations where I shouldn't bother.


skibum wrote:
outerspacenik wrote:
Hi skibum. I real really compatible with you like we are in tune. Your comment on my comment about still being alive when all the odds appear to be stacked against us shows how special we are. Why we should never put ourselves down or never let anybody do it to us. I am only seeing this for the first time in my early 70s. I am not copping any putdowns from anybody anymore.
Wow, you can't even understand how I am moved to read this post. Thank you. I am actually tearing up right now. It feels so good to know how you can relate to the intensity of this struggle. In fact only a very few of my HFA friends feel some of that level of intensity in daily life but none of them feel it as much or as frequently as I do. I have found that even among HFAs, not all of them feel like it can be a daily literal life and death struggle. I only specify HFAs because I do not know enough LFAs personally or intimately enough to speak on their behalf. I would like to, I just don't yet.

But when I attend Special Olympics or outings with my local Autism support groups, many of them, although they have significant struggles, have struggles that seem to pale in comparison to mine. But people do not understand because I have no visible outward signs of disability at all. I look completely nt and physically normal. I have a lifelong physical disability as well which is also invisible and when it flares up, it can be very severe and also potentially life threatening. It is only when people spend intimate time with me that they begin to understand that I am so severely affected by Autism and by my genetic hypertonia that I really should not be able to be alive.

I have had people argue with me that I should not be classified as a level three Autistic because they assume that I am a level one because of my appearance and my ability to do many things as well or even better than they can. I am nothing like "their children." But they are astounded once they understand that their children who have the obvious visible signs of what would be considered level three, are much more capable of dealing with levels of certain types of stimuli than I am. Things that will send me into a life threatening state of overload shock, does not even affect them in the least. But because of my physical appearance and my ability to do things when I am able to do them, which is only for short periods of time, everyone is fooled and everyone puts expectations on me that could potentially cost me my life. But many level one or even level two Autistic adults that I spend time with at the social meetups, cannot not even comprehend how neurologically fragile I really am and how difficult it can be for me to sustain just life and existence.

I am so grateful that you get it and that I am not alone. Thank you. I will always be here for you. :heart:
I think my girlfriend would relate to a lot of this. She's very likely on the spectrum but not diagnosed. People tend to miss autistic signs in women more than men so that may explain some of it. Cass's younger bother has been diagnosed with Aspergers since he was little but there's lot of other mental illnesses that also run in her family. She's diagnosed with lots of comorbids & there's other comorbids she's not diagnosed with but very likely has. She also had pain issues her whole life. She got diagnosed with fibromyalgia a few years ago as well as finding out one leg is slightly shorter than the other. She hasn't gotten much treatment for those things other than a shoe modification to make one slightly taller/thicker & some meds that barely help with the pain. There's probably a lot more going on than those things but docs aren't investigating. They tend to tell her that a lot of her physical problems are cuz she's fat but they don't look into the reasons as to why she's fat. Cass is more active now than she was before we moved in together 6 & half years ago & she's gained a lot of weight since then. Her mental issues have gotten a lot worse for various reasons since we moved in together. She's never sought treatment for her mental issues before we moved in together except for trying counseling. Counselors don't fully understand or grasp her various issues. Things counselors say that work for most people don't work well for Cass & in some cases those things can actually make things worse for her. She's been seeing a psychiatrist & she's tried LOTS of meds & most of them made things worse for her because of the side-effects & she's even had some paradoxical reactions. People tend to think she's very functional or at least capable of being very functional but she forces herself when she goes out or when she's interacting with anyone who isn't family. She's never been able to handle much & shuts down alot. She lived alone for a year & she was basically catatonic a lot when she was by herself. She always believed she would be dead before she'd turn 34-36 & she turned 37 last month. I try to help & be supportive but I have my own various mental & physical issues. There are some tasks I have a hard time with or cant do that she has to help with or do.


I have heard of a study that the average age for autistics is a little less than the average age for NTs. Autism itself does NOT cause someone to die younger, however some of the autistic comorbids & the way different people are affected by their autism might could cause someone to die younger. I'll list some varying factors as to why & keep in mind that autism is a spectrum that can affect everyone differently :arrow:
Autistics may misread/misjudge a dangerous situation. Autistics are sometimes targets for bulling & abuse. Autistics tend to be picky eaters so some of us like me don't get well rounded diets. Some autistics have a hard time with eating when they should; we may not feel hungry or get caught up in something. Autistics tend to be introverts who dislike team sports & we also have various sensory issues which might cause us to spend more time inside & be less physically active. We tend to have various comorbids from living in an environment/world not designed for us. We tend to have problems with anxiety, stress, depression, & PTSD. Having those issues can directly affect someone's physical health. Those issues can cause some to self-medicate in unhealthy ways. Those issues can cause someone to not take care of themselves as well as they should. Some take medications to help with those issues & some meds can have negative health effects. In some cases those issues can even drive people to harm themselves.


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skibum
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09 Aug 2019, 11:10 pm

Definitely have Cass read my post and see if she can relate and if she has any questions. I would love to be able to be of help to her if that is possible. Also have her ask her doctor to check if her hips are in alignment. I have genetic hypertonia and my hips were out of alignment for 43 years before someone actually noticed and showed me how to correct it. But having the hips out of alignment can cause one leg to look shorter than the other. It can also cause massive amounts of pain all over the body. Because my condition is chronic, I have to align my hips a lot and sometimes multiple times a day. There are times when I am unable to walk because the pain is so bad. But that could be a cause for the pain in her body and it is so incredibly easy to correct that it is worth looking into.


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12 Aug 2019, 3:10 am

This has been such a fabulous heart warming inspiring forum for me. Thank you everyone so much for contributing especially my kindred spirit Skibum. I need to spend more time looking at all the posts again and drafting my replies. Get back to you soon guys and gals. In the meantime keep being extra-ordinary.



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12 Aug 2019, 6:01 pm

outerspacenik wrote:
This has been such a fabulous heart warming inspiring forum for me. Thank you everyone so much for contributing especially my kindred spirit Skibum. I need to spend more time looking at all the posts again and drafting my replies. Get back to you soon guys and gals. In the meantime keep being extra-ordinary.
:heart:


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14 Aug 2019, 11:50 pm

In life, while out at the park with my son, just after he had been diagnosed. He was still non-verbal at the time and a friend of his from nursery was there. His friend came over and wanted to play, my son played to a limited degree. The childs mother came over and explained they knew each other from nursery. She then asked why he was so quiet all the time. i tried to explain he was non verbal and was on the spectrum. She replied with "but he doesnt look autistic. i thought they looked different"

Online i have seen far too many ignorant, hateful, outright lies and some comments so vile i dont think i would ever want to repeat them.