Harder to talk to other aspies than NT's.

Post Reply New Topic

Okay, let me start off by saying that it always seems harder to talk to other aspies for me than NT's. I mean, it's like we both never have anything to say but we try. Sort of that whole opposites attract idea. You know, if you put the 2 magnets so that the north and south poles face each other then they will go together but if the 2 north sides are facing each other than they will avoid each other. Now I'm not saying I avoid aspies. I don't in fact I try very hard to talk to aspies it just seems harder than NT's. Here's a typical conversation with an aspie. Hi. Hi. How are you? Good. You? Good. Good. Then we both just stand there thinking of something interesting to say you know like anything! But when I talk to an NT the conversation seems to flow. We both talk about what's on our minds and it's nice. Nice easy flow. Anyone else notice this? I've noticed this particularly with my mom's friend. She's an incredible lady and wonderfully nice but she calls here and she's like Hi. and I say Hi. and then she goes What'sup? Nm. What'sup with you? Nm. So. And then there's that awkward silence it's like you called me. Would you like to speak with my mother what's the deal? Even though I don't say that that's what I think sometimes.

Now do you guys find that you're shy talking to past friends who have either moved away or you just don't see them as often anymore? I ask this because I went to the library yesterday afternoon and I saw one of my friends who is also an aspie. She still lived in my city but she moved to a different high school 1 years ago when she was a sophomore and I was a junior. I am now a senior and she's a junior. We were best friends. We talked everyday during school and we were really close ever since I was in eighth grade and she was in seventh. Even the thought of not seeing her a whole year when I moved to high school and she still had one more year of jr. high left was almost unthinkable. When I was a sophomore and I saw her as a freshman on the first day of school I was psyched. Then, on the last day of school(makeup exams) she said here's my number. Call me. Then she left. I was really sad right after that. It was like a small emotional pain of a friend moving away. I mean I knew she must have always talked about me at home because when her mom saw me at the local pool and found out who I was she said oh wow I've heard so many nice things about you. The girl was not there. Anyways, long story short, when I saw her at the library yesterday the same thing happened as I explained in the first paragraph. The same type of awkward silence and short conversation. Granted, I had to go. I couldn't stay anymore so maybe that's why but for the about 5 mins we had to talk it was just weird and almost shy. I mean I just don't understand how 2 people can be best friends for 2 years and then see each other again and have it be like that. It got me thinking emotionally. I mean, it was like I had ran into just another schoolmate. You know those teens you're friendly with and they like you a lot but you're not like bff's with them. Idk but please comment with something to help.

I've noticed that too. I tend to have more in common with others on the spectrum, but if we both have communication difficulties, there is just a lot of awkward silence. I recently realized the people that I can talk to the most are those who are slightly extroverted (not extremely extroverted as I generally find them too overwhelming). I can't keep a conversation going, so I need a lot of help in that area from the other person. The only ones so far who have been able to do this enough for me (who is always giving off awkward silences) are the extroverts who no communication difficulties.

It`s called being self absorbed. To a regular person this is obvious and they adapt, we do not.



One of those great ironies, where NT hatred make me laugh.

I met a aspie last weekend at a party and immediately avoided him.

What's called being self-absorbed?

I've carried on successful dialogues with three other Aspies that I know, but for the others (majority) I tend to find the conversation gets stagnant pretty fast. Generally speaking, I can get into a good give-and-take flow with NTs (which has gotten much better since my youth) and it makes me feel better about myself than trying to share whatever exchange of info with a fellow Aspie.

If you share a special interest, you may be able to talk about that for long periods.

But Aspies are likely to be somewhat impaired in general communication and social interaction. So an Aspie-to-Aspie conversation without a common interest may well be sparse.

I don't like to talk to socialize. It is moar moar moar fun to socialize by sitting in same room with people I like, each person doing own thing and occasionally acknowledging each other.

It's easier to be in the presence of other autistic people than NTs. For me, it's much easier to be in a group of autistic people. I feel moar moar moar comfortable, a big difference. I don't get overloaded as much or as fast.

I don't really find the silence awkward, but often find it comfortable.
I have read that due to mirror neurons we should be able to relate to each other better ( although maybe in a different way ) than to NT's, but maybe this would require relating to each other by different standards than those we judge NT communication by?

We have such attention to detail that we could use subtle non-verbal methods of communication effectively.
I don't really mind lulls in conversation, but that is me. I usually need that break. Sometimes I admit I can be self absorbed, but also visual thinking sometimes doesn't translate easily, and I deal with word loss, and I like complex conversations but my left brain doesn't always cope well with them. It is not just silence due to simple self absorption, but I wish it were.

From attending the 1 meetup I was able to find so far I felt left out of some aspie conversations. I tend to do better in places like a work environment where there are less than 10 people who don't register with me as strictly NT or spectrum material, but it is the same basic core group. We don't sustain lengthy conversations but can exchange a few lines of dialog, break off into a task and pick back up on the subject an hour or so later. Most of my current daytime environment consists of 'running gags' of sorts and a couple of the other guys will re-tell their stories 2 or 3 times to their assorted buddies that drop in and out. On that end, once someone has already told me something I have no real need to hear it again.

I find that I can have a conversation on the same wave length with other Aspies due to the same interests and hobbies and they accept me for me, than NT's
NT's find me boring, nerdy, weird, freaky, strange, nutter, basketcase and are too scared to approach me because in their eyes I am this weirdo that wears weird shirts and dresses strange, listens to crappy weird music and is mean which I am not.

I've never met another autistic person. At least as far as I know. So I dunno how that would go.

I've never met another aspie in real life but I have tried to make friends with some from this forum and it usually goes somewhat like this:

Them: Hey! I saw your post/s and wanted to say hi! I'm so and so and I like this and that. What are your special interests?

Me: Hi, Nice to meet ya, My name is Troy and I love pretty much anything to do with a computer or technology and I especially enjoy computer programming.

Them: Have you ever tried photography? Do you like science? Do you volunteer for the special olympics? etc

Me: Photography is cool but it's not my thing, Always loved science but not that great at cellular studies, nope.

They stop talking to me or stop talking to me over a period of time.

It's kind of funny, when I've tried to talk to some aspies on here they come off as "I'm so lonely, wish I had friends, etc." I try to be a friend and they ignore me when I don't cut open frogs and take pictures of it, color it black and white, and call it art? I can understand wanting a friend in the same special interest group as you but you would think a truely lonely person wouldn't be so critical.

I've found other aspies so hard to talk to that I just stopped trying to make friends with anyone on here unless asked (which probably wont happen given our "nature" lol) I'm always the guy trying so hard for friendships to work. I'm sick of being that guy and now I'm just going to sit back and enjoy solitude for awhile I s'pose and play some Guild Wars 2 and Minecraft

I also want to add that today when I went to school I saw my best friend had one of those mardi gras beed necklaces twisted into a star and it reminded me of the friend I was talking about in my original post who changed schools because in Jr. High she used to take those necklaces and twist them into stars and give them to me. I think I got rid of them but I wish I didn't because she did it so easily and I could never figure out how. Plus they were special in a way.

I only know a few other autistic people, mostly online, so most of the people i talk to are nt.

The problem with conversations between two autistic people is that you are both lacking in social skills, and conversation is a social activity.

I find I can hold reasonable conversations with other Aspies who have learned reasonable social skills and can just about pass for NT, though they tend to break down quicker than a conversation with an NT. Talking with someone at the lower end of the spectrum (though not necessarily LFA) and I feel like I imagine NTs feel like with talking to an Aspie, either they're dominating and I'm just contributing a little, or I feel like I'm disturbing them because they're giving very short answers and I'm dashing around to keep the conversation going. Of course, with people who are genuinely LFA, any form of conversation is often very difficult.