Is My New Pet An Aspie?

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Rocky - my new pet - has been with us for a few days. I found him in my driveway one morning, just sitting there, looking at me with those sad, dark eyes, so I took him in and made a place for him to stay. But I'm worried. Ever since he joined us, he's exhibited the following behaviors:

• He doesn't pick up on social cues.
• He can't seem to read body language.
• He never starts a conversation.
• He doesn't seem to mind changes in routine, but he doesn't initiate any changes, either.
• The entire concept of "Empathy" seems lost on him (he does seem kind of cold).
• He doesn't recognize subtle differences in speech tone, pitch, and accent that alter the meaning of speech.
• He never seems to "get" a joke, even when the rest of us are ROTFLOAO.
• He doesn't speak at all (so I don't know how formal or archaic his vocabulary may be).
• He stares at one spot for hours at a time.
• He never stops grinning.
• He seems to like TV, no matter what the program, and will even stare at the blank screen all day long!
• He may have delayed motor development. He's obviously never learned to use a fork or spoon, ride a bike, or catch a ball.
• He usually just sits there and rocks back and forth, especially after one of our California earthquakes.

I take it that this is a sarcastic poke at all the idiotic "is *** an aspie" threads that appear from time to time.

He's definitely got The Aspie Stare.

Your pet cannot be diagnosed by a bunch of random strangers on the Internetz. Only a trained professional can give him a proper evaluation and diagnosis.

Yep Def a rock hard Aspie

He "makes too much eye contact."

Not really. Only ignorant people would say that.

How do you expect him to laugh his arse off when he doesn't have one? Seriously, cut him some slack.

Maybe you could try to get him involved with others to practice socialising a little. Why not try to get him to join a rock band?

"He never stops grinning"

That may be 'wind'

You should take Rocky to an appropriately-trained and licensed mental-health professional.
Or a geologist.

This is really funny.

Maybe he's missing his relatives back in Boulder Colorado?

LOL, this just made my day

Fnord, are you feeding him correctly? His favourite fruit is pomegranite.