Christmas and Empathy

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Do any of you all look forward to Christmas? To going into the stores shopping for gifts? Do you KNOW what the people you need to buy presents for want? Me either. I dread it. My most memorable breakdown (to me) happened a couple of days before Christmas in the middle of Bloomingdales.

I hate shopping.

For adults, I go to the store and find something that everyone could use. Then I buy enough of them so that I have something for everyone. Last year I gave out doormats. It is the kind of thing that everyone uses but you really don't go out of your way to find. The year before it was pillows one could use on a sofa. The year before that it was throw blankets.

I don't wrap the gifts. Rather, I take them in a big pile and let people pick out what they want.

For kids it is more difficult since I try to find something individual for each kid. For little kids, this isn't usually a problem. But if they are teenagers, I never know what to get them.

<--- Christmas shopping doesn't apply here.

Same - looking forward to it being over. Filled with dread when wondering bout presents. Cant wait to be sat there thinking of responses to ppl handing me gifts, and faking that same plastered on smile for 1 hour pretending to be "thrilled" with whatever the hell this thing is they gave me.

This is one good thing about having very few friends/family... no Christmas shopping nightmares.

When I do buy gifts I buy them online wherever possible. Paying slightly extra for postage is worth it for me rather than having to go to a busy shopping centre (and if you need to buy multiple gifts, if you can buy them from the same place you won't have to pay shipping more than once). I recommend this option for those of you having trouble!

Amazon.com has many things that ship free if they all add up to $25 or over and qualify for free shipping. No tax, too. You can also ship to the person's home or office (which I do sometimes).

Gift cards. That's what people want. Simple and easy.

Well, back to my experience of being a middle-aged woman. I am expected to put together Christmas for everyone else. Even though my husband has seen how badly I melt down year after year. There is so much pressure, from my parents and everyone. I've been standing my ground more these days, trying to let some things go, but it is not easy because it is met with judgment and resistance. I was raised with Christmas traditionally, but I have a different belief system. I find the things I can adhere to such as hope and kindness, but I don't like all the hoo ha. I used to like decorating, but I was not working and I found places to put my energy. Now I am in school and work part time and I am just getting too old for this noise. I think I have done my share and paid for it. I think, thanks to social constructs, I have parents and hubby going: we want it, you do it. If we don't have a turkey, then I am not playing nice and I am ruining the tradition. Newsflash: WHY do we need a "traditional" meal? There was a turkey in Bethlehem and the wise men sat down with stuffing and gravy? NO. This is another stupid construct and it doesn't have to be this way. I'm all for take-out and a DVD. I want a "day-off", not more work. I hate wrapping and I suck at it. I don't like crowds and shopping, it kills me. I have learned to tuck things away through the year. I like magazine subscriptions and stuff. I suggested all gift cards and my husband flipped: we have to have something under the tree. Well then you do it and wrap it. Of course, he doesn't. Now Christmas ads start before Halloween and they are already stressing me out. Growl.

The thing is that NT's can think about what others will like as a present. They enjoy shopping around and picking up things, and wondering if this or that friend would enjoy having this thing. I can't do that. I think this is empathy.

Everybody I know is dreading Christmas; the shopping, not having much money, not knowing what to get people, et cetera. They think it's easier for people with small children.

I'm afraid that, irrespective of their "iffy" corporation tax practices here in the UK, I am a fan of amazon.co.uk. Despite it only being 10 November I visited a large mall today near London (Bluewater) and I was horrified by how busy, crowded and appalling it was.

Thus, this year, as with many others, gifts for family and friends will be sent direct from their website.

Me and my dog will spend Christmas day on our own, I'm going to a restaurant for lunch (on a scale of 0 to 10, my culinary skills don't make it to 1) then I'll be going to Norway for new year. Anyone fancy joining me?

I love Christmas. It's my favourite time of year. Some people are really hard to shop for, but I don't see it as a meltdown-worthy cause. They either like what I get, or they don't. I don't really care. I do my best. If they are blantantly unappreciative, it will likely be the last gift they get from me.

Ah, I see tall-P. It could be empathy. Could it also be pressure and worry that it will or will not be the "right" gift? Never mind trying to think in the middle of a Christmas crowd.

It might take some analysis to determine an appropriate gift, such as looking at the sorts of things that that person already owns and choose something similar. You might also ask directly: what sorts of things do you like to get for gifts? Then make a note with name: item (s). I have to plan, I can't just wonder. It is too overwhelming.

I wish Santa could bring Logicalmom a "day off" for Christmas. Could you delegate? As CEO of the celebratory day, you could divide the responsibilities into categories and give each person a page with the category they are responsible for - like responisble for food, responsible for gift wrapping, decorating, etc. They would be allowed to trade responsibilities with another family member.

I would be very angry if someone wants something a certain way but refuses to participate in making it so.

I love Christmas and I love Christmas shopping.

No... I hate Christmas, and I hate buying gifts in general. I don't mind getting the gift and giving it to someone, but I hate having to try and come up with what to get them. I'm terrible at it, and it drives me insane. I've been trying to get people to leave me the hell out of their stupid christmas for like 6 years now, but nobody ever listens to me. They insist on getting me s**t, and then I'm "selfish" if I don't get them gifts...

If it's "Jesus's birthday," shouldn't HE get the gifts? And why the hell do we have a holiday where we just exchange gifts? Everybody hopes for that thing they really want to be given to them on Christmas because they can't afford it themselves usually... Well, why doesn't everyone just go out and get the s**t themselves then? That way nobody can complain about the crappy gift someone gave them.