Is there such a thing as best friends any more?

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Salome
Toucan
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18 Nov 2012, 9:29 pm

Just as the thread says.
I have been wondering about this because when I was younger I had a friend who was my best friend and I was hers. Of course we had other friends but we prioritised each other. These days it seems you are never any ones best friend or even any ones mate as such. We are all supposed to have as many friends/relationships as possible.
I find this very depressing because it seems to me that the more friends you have the lonelier you are.
I want a couple of really good friends, friends you can call in the middle of the night if need be.



Underscore
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18 Nov 2012, 11:06 pm

I agree, and because of that I think there still are best friends. It's too big of a thing to disappear. I haven't seen so clear signs of it happening, but I've heard people mention it.



muff
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18 Nov 2012, 11:43 pm

i have a best friend. so i can say that. we are not doing well right now. a month or two ago, i may have thought that i would be responding to your post differently, but our difficulties are teaching me that best friends are real whereas before i may have been afraid of losing her forever.

im not saying that non-christians cant have best friends (that was my disclaimer) but my faith has helped immensely. i am not a religious person, but i believe in unconditional love because animal relationships are based on 'mutual benefit' so (over time) the give and take has to balance out. so, my best friend is struggling right now and has been for a while, will be for the foreseeable future, but im not going to leave. im not going to back off. i recently came up with 'if we are fighting, then we are just going to sit on the couch next to each other and not talk and just sit there until we like each other again' (this is because we are not communicating well with our words at all, though sometimes i can be non-verbal).

i think you are right in regards to modern times because people get what they want way faster than ever before, so their foresight has probably suffered a great deal. that and also, social circles are larger, the possibility of meeting new people is greater, etc. so, in todays world, when your bestie isnt satisfactory to you, well you dont have to sit at home and wait for the landline to ring, just facebook it up and hit the town.



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19 Nov 2012, 4:53 am

When you're a kid, you usually have one or two circles of friends. You move up through each year with the same people and school is a very pressurised environment. Your surroundings don't change much so neither do your friends. I had an absolute best friend all the way through school and as soon as we went to different colleges, we drifted apart.

I've still got my really close friends. I wouldn't describe any as my "best" friend, but I understand that all my friendships are there for different reasons. There's some friends I'll hang out with for a fun time, there's some I share certain interests with, there's some I'd turn to for advice.



Shellfish
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19 Nov 2012, 5:19 am

This could have something to do with 'facebook' and the like, where people become 'friend collectors' and need to have thousands of friends to show everyone how popular they are.
I think it's innately ingrained in people to have one or two, very good friends that we can just 'be ourselves' with.


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madnak
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19 Nov 2012, 6:16 am

There's such a thing but it's not necessarily easy to achieve. I don't think having many acquaintances and having a few close friends are mutually exclusive, I can't think of any way to come into contact with potential "best friends" without meeting a large number of people.



FMX
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19 Nov 2012, 10:01 am

Shellfish wrote:
This could have something to do with 'facebook' and the like, where people become 'friend collectors' and need to have thousands of friends to show everyone how popular they are.
I think it's innately ingrained in people to have one or two, very good friends that we can just 'be ourselves' with.


Yes, I think Facebook does have a bit to do with it, partly because of their unfortunate use of the word "friend" for what's more accurately described as "contact" or "person to whose news feed you are subscribed".

It also seems to me that it's a bit "politically incorrect" to identify one friend as "best", because your other friends then feel a bit let down. Children don't tend to worry about that, but adults do.

I'm fortunate enough to have a best friend. Well, he's the the best of only 2 :) - but even if I had more friends, which I'd like, I'm pretty sure he'd remain the best. So he really is a "best friend" in the sense that you describe.



Dimorphic
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19 Nov 2012, 1:58 pm

I don't really know. I used to have 2 friends and we used to go round each other's houses EVERY weekend for about 7 years, but then different colleges happened and we drifted apart. Nowadays, I have a lot of 'contacts', but not so many people I could class as friends, and almost definitely not 'best friend'.

My problem is that I tend to shun people when they try and get too close to me because I hate personal situations and just don't understand their emotions and what they expect from me. However, in general people seem quite nice. I'd love to get to know them all well, but just don't have the energy, time or ability :(