Help, new to therapy and think I'm sinking!

Post Reply New Topic

I'm sorry I'm repeating things covered in some other therapy-related threads, but I feel I need to try and formulate what I'm coming across all in one place (bits in bold for those who want the abridged version). I had my 3rd ever session of therapy today and I'm feeling more lost than ever. I've itemised some of the main issues below and wondered if anyone had any thoughts or feedback? I should say that I'm barely on the spectrum and exploring this for the first time. I would also say that in this context I'm mostly NT(?), but perhaps you'll all recognise the things that I'm experiencing better than I do. I know many of you are Veteran Therapeets.

1. I can't work out why I'm going. I know I'm not overwhelmingly happy in life (though I do function), but I don't know what it is that needs fixing apart from something as broad and vague as "low self-esteem". My partner and I have said many times, over several years, that I should see someone, and now I'm doing it and I can't for the life of me remember why I wanted to.

2. She keeps looking at me and I feel sooo scrutinised. And then today I walked in and we sat down and she just looked at me and fluttered her eyes about and smiled inanely and didn't say anything!!

3. Frequent use of the Rogerian method ie. "and how does that make you feel?". At which point I suddenly realise that the topic in hand is one which has little or nothing to do with 'feelings' in my mind. It just 'is' and so I squirm and stumble over my words, desperately trying to come up with something meaningful to say and wishing we could talk about some *real* issues rather than wasting time attaching false meaning to childhood memories (though that bit is probably my fault).

4. I don't feel like she's doing very much. It is early days, but I was hoping for structure, appraisal and advice. At present she's just making me talk as though that will help me. But I can talk to my cat if I want to, how is just talking supposed to help at £45/hour?

5. She said that next week we should discuss objectives since I haven't actually presented any specific problems that I'd like to solve. I'm fine with that in principle since I'd always imagined I'd have clear lists of issues ready to be worked through and ticked off in order. But now that I'm there I find I'm completely stuck and most of what she says or deduces from what I've said makes no sense to me. I'm usually so clear minded, articulate and analytical, but now I'm floundering.

Those are some main ones, but I might think of more. I think the therapist is alright on the whole so it's not personal. It's more methods and objectives that are getting to me.

You might need a different kind of therapist. Not all kinds of therapy work for all people. You don't strike me as a "and how does that make you feel" kind of person. Not that I "know" you well. But it definitely is not my first impression.

I don't know why this thought just came into my head, but it did, so I'll share it in case it is relevant. One of my daughter's ABA therapists (lovely woman, super good with my daughter...pretty much a sixth sense of how to work with high functioning kids) said that her entire life changed when she hired an organizational coach. She has ADD and she said that the money she spent on the guy "fixed" problems that she would never have thought were related to disorganization. But after she saw him, she was able to get her Master's degree and was working on her Doctoral degree when I knew her, but previously stuff like that seemed completely out of her reach.

Again, that is probably unrelated, but I guess you can be the judge of it.