A girl contacted me on okcupid a while back and after chatting with her for a bit I thought she might be aspie and directed her here. She never really comes on here but she has kept in touch with me a couple times.
The thing is, I no longer think she is aspie and I'm taking a class where we breifly talked about the symptoms of childhood isolation: inability to understand social cues, improper or lack of facial expressions and other nonverbal language (i.e. aspieness). But unlike aspieness she has no special interests that I can tell... or any. As near as I can tell she is desperate for socialization and is reaching out to people on the internet but then doesn't know what to do when she finds them. She has a history of self-harm and low self-esteem specifically poor body image (things that were specifically mentioned in an article on socially isolated children I read).
Talking to her she described disatisfactory conditions at home and a "control freak mom," Loss of her father at a young age, and she told me that she was not introduced to anyone outside her immediate family (who she says ignored her) untill she entered public school. I don't know how much of this is accurate. I talked to her on google hangouts for the first time last night and my impressions of her changed dramatically. (i.e. why I now speculate she might be learning disabled).
I tried to reccomend her some resources to understand socialization better but the reading level was to hard for her. (Erving Goffman's "Presentation of Self in Everyday Life" is a good read for an aspie imho.) I asked her about her interests and why she had wanted to talk. She said that she was depressed, but did not elaborate. I asked her about her interests but she said she didn't have any. (???).
I said some basic things I say to cheer people/girls up and suggested that rather than looking to interact for the sake of interactions she should find an interest/hobby. I suggested finding music she likes or trying online gaming.
Helping people with disabilities is kind of my job but this is an odd situation and because we met on a dating website it feels sketchy to me. I don't know how to help her, if she wants to be helped, or how to get her to engage in the solutions I propose.
I should mention that she absconded with some guy she met on OKcupid for 4 days in January before returning home. At the time, framed as someone escaping their overbearing mother and asserting their independence, I wasn't too concerned. But now I'm not sure if she is really as able to be independent and make her own decisions as I had thought.
So thats my thoughts in the long form but I have a few questions
1) Should I keep talking to her? I've told her I don't want to meet in person and just want to chat online.
2) Should I actively try to help her or let her do her own thing?
3) If she did suffer abuse/ acute social isolation as a child (and continues to be isolated) is there anything that can be done for her now that she is 22?
4a) When I first saw her on the dating website I thought she was cute, which is why I liked her profile. But while I am trying to help her that underlying influence has not dissipated, even though it conflicts with my moral structure (i.e. she more fits my work than love life) and what I think others would find acceptable. I'm not sure if I should break contact for this reason alone. I'm also starting to date another girl and don't want this to become a blocking factor later.
4b) So if I am going to break contact all it would take is blocking her on google+... how do I do that?
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AQ: 31
Your Aspie score: 135 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 63 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie
13 Mar 2014, 9:54 am
